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Kinda OT- 'the talk' age?

Posted by on May. 4, 2014 at 10:19 PM
  • 28 Replies
At what age did you or your husband have 'the talk' with your kids? My ds is 10. And his father is not in the picture (hasn't been around for 7-8 years). Is it appropriate for my dh (ds sf) to explain everything to him? They have a great relationship. Dh wants to adopt. We'll start talking to our lawyer about that soon. And ds calls dh 'dad'.

I think it needs to be a 'man to man' talk but wondered what you ladies thought.
by on May. 4, 2014 at 10:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2014 at 10:24 PM

I think that age appropriate conversations should start well before 10.  You don't have to throw it all out there at once but making sure that kids know the proper names for body parts, have an understanding of how things work, and later, understand how to protect themselves and their partners as well as make sex pleasurable...well that's a continuum of topics really.

When you figure that the age of puberty seems to be creeping younger and younger, it's time to get a move on. My eldest SD hit puberty at 12.  I think it's good to know what to be expecting not only as a person of sex  A but also what to expect of the opposite sex.   For example, when I talked to my youngest brother the first few times, I made sure to explain to him the changes he would see in the girls at school and why NOT to make fun or point those things out.

I think it's completely appropriate for your husband to have that talk FWIW.

mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2014 at 10:30 PM
FWIW?

Thanks. I was single for a majority of ds's life. And we didn't li ve together before married so i have put some conversations off but for the most part I communicate well with ds and have a open relationship. We like talking. I explained to him privacy and parts, etc. but I know changes, dreams, looking at girls, that sort of thing are approaching. I think ds will feel more comfortable having those convos with dh.

The Instagram 'dating' post made me think about it. Ds is 10 but doesn't comment on girls at all, like the poster ss did.


Quoting Birdseed:

I think that age appropriate conversations should start well before 10.  You don't have to throw it all out there at once but making sure that kids know the proper names for body parts, have an understanding of how things work, and later, understand how to protect themselves and their partners as well as make sex pleasurable...well that's a continuum of topics really.

When you figure that the age of puberty seems to be creeping younger and younger, it's time to get a move on. My eldest SD hit puberty at 12.  I think it's good to know what to be expecting not only as a person of sex  A but also what to expect of the opposite sex.   For example, when I talked to my youngest brother the first few times, I made sure to explain to him the changes he would see in the girls at school and why NOT to make fun or point those things out.

I think it's completely appropriate for your husband to have that talk FWIW.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 4, 2014 at 10:32 PM
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FWIW=For What It's Worth

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2014 at 11:27 PM
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We have had small talks all along.  I talk to the girls so does DH  and the boys for that matter.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2014 at 11:51 PM

we never had the "talk" it's been an on going conversation at age appropriate levels pretty much their whole lives.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on May. 4, 2014 at 11:57 PM
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Same here. It's not "a talk", it's a conversation, or it should be, IMO.

I have been having these conversations with my boys, now 11 and 16, since they were very young. It started with body parts and privacy and went from there. I've brought my brother in on occasion as he's not only male but a nurse but it's only on occasion. BF didn't think ODS needed "a talk" until he was 14. He didn't think YDS needs one yet. I disagreed and have started the conversation long ago with each.



Quoting soonergirl980:

we never had the "talk" it's been an on going conversation at age appropriate levels pretty much their whole lives.

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on May. 5, 2014 at 12:13 AM
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Start talking at birthso when it matters they are comfortable and it is no big deal.  Because you know what? It is no big deal.  Sex is a normal part of life for the majority of people.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2014 at 12:23 AM
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I started talking to my daughter before 10 but not way before 10. It wasn't the sex talk but it was the period talk and hygiene. Wasn't sure when she would start so I started a little early since many girls her age were starting to get their periods.
The years seem to mesh together at this point but I believe I had the sex talk at 11 leading in to sixth grade. It seems like forever ago but it's only been two years. Time flies!

I think girls are easier lol because they have books on periods and boobs and bras and stuff. I've not looked in to what is out there for boys. I got my dd a book from American Girl Doll that kind of helped with some questions and we looked over it together.

I do have a son with my dh and he will have the talks. Not sure when. We still have a few years. But it will be around that age I'm sure.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 5, 2014 at 12:30 AM
That's kind of how the 'talk' happened for us. It wasn't like I sat her down and said - I need to tell you something lol

It started with someone being pregnant and I jumped on that so fast .. It was a conversation. But she was right at 11 when major details were given.

She always knew what a period was because I didn't hide from her that I had periods. Ds even knows that mommy has a period and that it's private but I don't think he knows exactly everything. He's only 6. But he knows it's 'that time of the month' when I buy tampons lol we have been more open with him than I was with dd because I sheltered dd during a lot of stuff. Probably wasn't the best decision but she survived.

Quoting jules2boys: Same here. It's not "a talk", it's a conversation, or it should be, IMO.

I have been having these conversations with my boys, now 11 and 16, since they were very young. It started with body parts and privacy and went from there. I've brought my brother in on occasion as he's not only male but a nurse but it's only on occasion. BF didn't think ODS needed "a talk" until he was 14. He didn't think YDS needs one yet. I disagreed and have started the conversation long ago with each.



Quoting soonergirl980:

we never had the "talk" it's been an on going conversation at age appropriate levels pretty much their whole lives.

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mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2014 at 7:36 AM
I agree with this. They should be many conversations a long the way, not just one. Ds and I have had several. I consider 'the talk' the conversation about how intercourse happens. The specifics. My mom read me a book around 9 or 10. It's that topic and the wet dreams, etc that I think my ds would appropriate coming from dh. But the. Again I guess there would need to be another about protection, abstinence, etc around that 14, 15, 16 age.

Quoting jules2boys: Same here. It's not "a talk", it's a conversation, or it should be, IMO.

I have been having these conversations with my boys, now 11 and 16, since they were very young. It started with body parts and privacy and went from there. I've brought my brother in on occasion as he's not only male but a nurse but it's only on occasion. BF didn't think ODS needed "a talk" until he was 14. He didn't think YDS needs one yet. I disagreed and have started the conversation long ago with each.



Quoting soonergirl980:

we never had the "talk" it's been an on going conversation at age appropriate levels pretty much their whole lives.

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