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Do you agree with Dear Abby on this one?

Posted by on May. 5, 2014 at 5:13 PM
  • 63 Replies
2 moms liked this

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother of a 1-year-old boy, Zack. His father, my ex, has shared custody, but we don't have a very good co-parenting relationship. Shortly after I gave birth, he left me to be with a woman he had met while I was pregnant, and they are still in a relationship.

She thinks it's OK to post pictures of Zack on her social media sites. I have a problem with this, not least of all that it is incredibly hurtful to see another woman pretend she is in a "mother" role with my son.

I have confronted my ex about this and although he told me he would talk to her about it, he also told me it is none of my business what happens while Zack is in his care.

Am I right to make this an issue, or do I need to move on and accept that this woman is in my son's life? -- OFFENDED IN SAN JOSE

DEAR OFFENDED: I sympathize with your feelings, but your ex is right. Unless something is happening that's dangerous to Zack's welfare, you can't control what happens when he's with his father.

I don't know how serious this new relationship is, but it appears to be a long-lasting one -- and whether you approve or not, this woman is in your son's life in the role of part-time mother. For your sake, you need to accept it because the alternative is to make yourself sick over it. And because it's hurtful, stop reading her posts.

http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/2014/5/3/baby-daddys-new-girlfriend-takes-on-a

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by on May. 5, 2014 at 5:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CFSTBSM27
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2014 at 5:25 PM
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Mmmm I don't NOT agree BM is pretty SOL with certain things... But I don't agree with the "part time mother" part
RobsPrincess24
by ThePrincess on May. 5, 2014 at 5:28 PM
3 moms liked this

I agree to an extent about the mom not being able to control what happens when the baby is with his father, but I do feel like social media is something she does have a right to have what she says be respected. My sister had pictures of her young boys on her Facebook page (diaper pics, etc. they were little kids) and someone took them and sold them to an under cover police officer (not knowing the person was under cover) and my sis got a call from the FBI. So, my point in all that is even though those pics were my sister's kids on her own page, I think social media is one of those things that what the parent wants, needs to be respected. I really hope all that made sense. It did in my head. LOL.

amantonacci
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2014 at 5:29 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree that she needs to get over a lot of the petty stuff she's upset about... I don't agree with the part time mother part
annabl1970
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2014 at 5:29 PM
Yeah me too
"Part time mother" what the heck is that:)

Quoting CFSTBSM27: Mmmm I don't NOT agree ... But I don't agree with the "part time mother" part
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annabl1970
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2014 at 5:31 PM
I agree she can't control everything what is going on father's time
She should pick her battles carefully
This is not the one she should focus on IMO
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Annawest
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2014 at 5:34 PM
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This is how I feel about it too.  I do see my sons SM as a "part time mother" but she has earned that through what she has done for and how she treats my child and that she has been around for a long while.  I don't think every SM fits this bill at all.  Also, I think that everything that goes on with my child, whether or not in my physical custody at the time, is my business.  I may not be able to do anything about it, but I do deserve to know what is going on with my child.  Dangerous or not.

Quoting CFSTBSM27: Mmmm I don't NOT agree ... But I don't agree with the "part time mother" part


amylulu1
by Member on May. 5, 2014 at 5:36 PM
1 mom liked this

Hmmm... on the fence.  I would definitely not want dad to question me or tell me what to do in my home and I would hope that he would trust that I would keep my child safe, so I think it is hypocritical for me to try to micro-manage what he does and doesn't do with my child.  It sounds more like she feels threatened by the relationship this other woman has with her son.  On the other hand, I can understand the jealousy and I would most likely feel the same way- no matter how selfish or unfair it is.  It's odd, though.  My son calls his SM mom and it doesn't bother me one bit.  I know unequivocally that I am his #1 and he loves me through and through.  He's also 19, though.  

What did you think about it?

jules2boys
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2014 at 5:40 PM
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I miss her mother, the original Dear Abby.  Her daughter doesn't seem to have the right touch to answer most of the letters she gets. 

I agree with her that BM doesn't have much say in what happens when her child is with BF, nor does BF have much say when his child is with BM.  I also agree that the BM needs to stop reading the GFs page to see the pictures.  The 'part-time mother' line, well, that got to me.  I suspect she'll get more than a few letters about that one. 

codysara
by Bronze Member on May. 5, 2014 at 5:51 PM
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I agree completely. I even made sure to give my kids a few hours with SM on mothers day to appreciate her for the mother role she plays when I am unable to during dads custody time. Yes it would be different if she wasn't a good person to them or me.
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on May. 5, 2014 at 5:51 PM
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I think the part time mom comment was a response to Mom commenting she is pretending to be mom.

I also have to say that nearly all professionals I have talked to (doctors, psychologists and teachers) have included my step as one of my kids in my family. They have corrected ME when I say we have 3 and 1/2 kids then explain we have 3 fulltime and 1 part-time, so this doesn't surprise me

That said, I think mom needs to focus on her own and stop looking at posts of the girlfriend if it is going to cause issues for all. Hard as it is. I feel for her. It can't be easy.
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