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Predicament...

Posted by on May. 9, 2014 at 7:07 PM
  • 134 Replies
I need opinions. PLEASE, NO BASHING!

So, I have 2 step children (5 & 7). Their mother, who sucks at life in general, but is even worse as a parent, wanted to be the "primary parent" in the divorce for no other reason than to get the child support, that she doesn't even use on the kids. So, she gets them 5 days more per year than he does according to the papers. He's supposed to have them 3 days a week, she's supposed to have them 4 days a week, except for a few weeks a year when he gets them all 7 days. Well, the only thing she does as far as the kids is watch them for a couple hours before they go to bed. She won't give them baths (she makes them take baths, but she will not wash them), she refuses to cook dinner for them (she has taught them to use the microwave and put the food down low where they can reach it). The only time she even cooks dinner is when her boyfriend is over there. If she is hungry after work, she will get her something for dinner and eat it on the way to pick them up. She expects him, his mother, or his sister to get the kids ready for school and take them and pick them up from school and she sends them to her parents every weekend. She has NEVER acted like a mother. Even when they were babies, if they cried, she would call him to come home from work to take care of them.

She bad mouths me and him in front of the kids. The other day, when she came to pick them up, my stepson was talking to me. When she left, she spun tires and drive like a bat out of hell down the road. The next day, he told me that she got mad at him for talking to me.

I think my husband should get full custody of the kids. He won't stand up to her. She cusses him and runs him in the ground every chance she gets and has done so the entire time they were married. I just don't know what to do about her.
by on May. 9, 2014 at 7:07 PM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:12 PM
1 mom liked this
She isn't for you to do anything about, let your DH deal with his situation, he is the one who chose to procreate with her.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
amantonacci
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:22 PM
Let your husband deal with mom... You don't need to do anything about this. Is there a change in circumstance that would support a change in custody?
Boobear110
by Audra on May. 9, 2014 at 7:24 PM

This 

Quoting amantonacci: Let your husband deal with mom... You don't need to do anything about this. Is there a change in circumstance that would support a change in custody?


faerie75
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:26 PM

 nothing. its his problem and he wont do anything aobut it so its on him.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2014 at 7:55 PM
2 moms liked this

You do nothing.  This isn't your fight.  If there is a fight to be had, it's up to your DH.  He's laready told you, and shown you, he won't 'stand up to her', so, there is your answer. 

Now, I suppose, you can decide if this is the marriage you want to be in, with the man you want to be with, or not. 

How long have you been married?  How long were you dating prior to marriage?  How long were DH and XW married?  What were thinks like prior to you marrying him?  Did you not notice what was going on and that he didn't see a problem with how BM is? 

Just because BM doesn't treat the children the way you would doesn't mean she's a terrible mother, just different from you. 

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2014 at 8:02 PM
2 moms liked this

You spent the majority of your OP talking badly about BM.  The key sentence here is "He won't stand up to her."

So that's the issue.  If your DH really thought that things weren't so hot for his kids, he'd do something about it.

You can think there are problems and you may well be right.  But it's not your fight.  If the people directly involved aren't interested in making a change then that's pretty much the way it's gonna be.


Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2014 at 8:03 PM
1 mom liked this
This is an issue for your DH to deal with. So, she wanted to be the custodial parent and your DH agreed? That's kinda what I'm getting from your post. If all the stuff regarding her parenting is true, then your DH knew exactly what kind of situation he was putting his kids into. Which makes me think that either those things aren't so true, or that he's OK with it. Either way, it's a situation for him to handle.
cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 9, 2014 at 8:11 PM
3 moms liked this
Did you set up spy cameras in her house or something? It's kind of creepy that you KNOW so much about her?
annabl1970
by Gold Member on May. 9, 2014 at 8:19 PM
2 moms liked this
My Ex is a crappy father.
I don't dwell on that.
Doesn't get me anywhere - I learned that long ago
I just raise DD myself and don't think much about how bad her dad is.
After all if not him I wouldn't have my beautiful smart girl.
Maybe that what your H does.
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WifeyC
by Platinum Member on May. 9, 2014 at 9:13 PM
1 mom liked this

You do nothing and you also back off your DH.  This is how he wants it to be with his children and BM.  You can't change that.

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