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Daughter obsessed with SS

Posted by on May. 10, 2014 at 1:33 AM
  • 79 Replies
Long story short I have a 16 year old daughter who is completely smitten with Ss(17) DH and I have been together for almost 7 years but Ss was never really in the picture because him and BM lived all the way in Long Island we live in Dallas so whenever Dh would visit him it was always him going down there.
Well finally ss moved in with us not to long ago and ever since then my daughter is crazy about him but he is bad news he is constantly getting in trouble which is why he came to live with us there are multiple restraining orders against him from previous girlfriends because he beat them up so severely they had to go to the ER.
I'm trying not to judge him on his past but I don't want my daughter involved with him at all.The good news is that he dosent really seem into her (well that's good news for me but for her it's the end of the world)
No matter what I say she is still chasing after him like a lost puppy and that really worries me.How should I handle this?
by on May. 10, 2014 at 1:33 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on May. 10, 2014 at 1:39 AM
7 moms liked this
Having a 17 year old boy and 16 year old girl who aren't related living in the same house... I really can't see that ending well.
cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 10, 2014 at 1:53 AM
4 moms liked this
I can't believe you allowed him to come live with you guys. You know his past record and you have a 16 year old daughter? Hell no
Adornyou
by on May. 10, 2014 at 1:55 AM
2 moms liked this
He's still Dh's son what type of wife would I be if I denied him getting a chance to bond with his son?
I didn't think this would happen my daughters a smart girl and she always steered clear of boys but apparently there's something about him because I have never seen her so head over heels about any one

Quoting cdrainey3: I can't believe you allowed him to come live with you guys. You know his past record and you have a 16 year old daughter? Hell no
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on May. 10, 2014 at 7:50 AM
6 moms liked this
His son beats up teenaged girls to the point where they end up in the ER and you were okay with him coming to live with your teenaged daughter who is going to completely annoy him with her puppy dog crush? Do I have that summed up right?

Supporting your husband is one thing, endangering your daughter is another. If it is so necessary to have your husband supported by having the young abuser live there, then I would send your daughter to live with elsewhere before she ends up in the ER.

What type of wife would you be???? The kind that doesn't support relationship abuse. The kind that wants to keep her teen daughter safe. Dear god woman, what kind of risk have you set your child up for???

HopesNDreams

Come join me at Stepping Beyond StepParenting, a group for stepmoms dealing with troubled preteens/teens
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 8:42 AM
2 moms liked this
I think you should wonder the type of mother you want to be first rather than wife. Your SS has never lived with you and your DD is very vulnerable, your DH can look at other alternatives and you can be a good wife and assist him with that. For me, putting my children at risk would not be an option.
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Adornyou
by on May. 10, 2014 at 10:17 AM

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I didn't know the extent of it all until he was already here but so far he hasent done anything wrong and i know it's mostly my daughter I'm worried about because she and I are very close and I told her I didn't want her hanging around him unsupervised she told me ok and the tougher night she asked me if she could go over to her best friends to sleep over. That next morning (since I monitor her social media sites at all times) I found this picture which proves they were together and she broke my trust.

Quoting HopesNDreams: His son beats up teenaged girls to the point where they end up in the ER and you were okay with him coming to live with your teenaged daughter who is going to completely annoy him with her puppy dog crush? Do I have that summed up right?

Supporting your husband is one thing, endangering your daughter is another. If it is so necessary to have your husband supported by having the young abuser live there, then I would send your daughter to live with elsewhere before she ends up in the ER.

What type of wife would you be???? The kind that doesn't support relationship abuse. The kind that wants to keep her teen daughter safe. Dear god woman, what kind of risk have you set your child up for???
Adornyou
by on May. 10, 2014 at 10:22 AM
I thought I raised a strong independent women who wouldnt get tangled up with a guy like ss but I don't know what's going on he comes and lives with us and has her and all her friends pawning over him like a love struck puppy.
I have had more of my daughters "friends" over in the last month then I've had in the past 16 years and they are not here to hang with my daughter if you know what I mean.
Is it wrong for me to ask Dh if ss can go back to ny and live with his mom?

Quoting leegirl_jm: I think you should wonder the type of mother you want to be first rather than wife. Your SS has never lived with you and your DD is very vulnerable, your DH can look at other alternatives and you can be a good wife and assist him with that. For me, putting my children at risk would not be an option.
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 11:12 AM
1 mom liked this

She  is 16, you don't put that sort of distraction in your home with your daughter no matter how strong and independent she is, she is still a growing child who doesn't know herself fully yet.

I don't know your relationship with your husband but asking him to send back his son could be a challenge so be prepared to have some conflict and to provide him with workable alternatives but you have to protect your DD.

Quoting Adornyou: I thought I raised a strong independent women who wouldnt get tangled up with a guy like ss but I don't know what's going on he comes and lives with us and has her and all her friends pawning over him like a love struck puppy. I have had more of my daughters "friends" over in the last month then I've had in the past 16 years and they are not here to hang with my daughter if you know what I mean. Is it wrong for me to ask Dh if ss can go back to ny and live with his mom?
Quoting leegirl_jm: I think you should wonder the type of mother you want to be first rather than wife. Your SS has never lived with you and your DD is very vulnerable, your DH can look at other alternatives and you can be a good wife and assist him with that. For me, putting my children at risk would not be an option.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

Adornyou
by on May. 10, 2014 at 11:40 AM
Well I'm pretty sure it would be a huge challenge because in the past BMs husband used to beat her and SS he would also force SS to fight other kids. when DH found out he demanded that SS come live with us or else he was going to the police and BM didn't want her husband going to jail so she agreed. I doubt Dh is going to want ss back in that kind of environment

Quoting leegirl_jm:

She  is 16, you don't put that sort of distraction in your home with your daughter no matter how strong and independent she is, she is still a growing child who doesn't know herself fully yet.

I don't know your relationship with your husband but asking him to send back his son could be a challenge so be prepared to have some conflict and to provide him with workable alternatives but you have to protect your DD.

Quoting Adornyou: I thought I raised a strong independent women who wouldnt get tangled up with a guy like ss but I don't know what's going on he comes and lives with us and has her and all her friends pawning over him like a love struck puppy.
I have had more of my daughters "friends" over in the last month then I've had in the past 16 years and they are not here to hang with my daughter if you know what I mean.
Is it wrong for me to ask Dh if ss can go back to ny and live with his mom?

Quoting leegirl_jm: I think you should wonder the type of mother you want to be first rather than wife. Your SS has never lived with you and your DD is very vulnerable, your DH can look at other alternatives and you can be a good wife and assist him with that. For me, putting my children at risk would not be an option.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 11:47 AM

Well, find other alternatives, can he stay somewhere else with some other relative? Can you do more to supervise your DD? This is your DD's life, do you want her to remain at risk?

Quoting Adornyou: Well I'm pretty sure it would be a huge challenge because in the past BMs husband used to beat her and SS he would also force SS to fight other kids. when DH found out he demanded that SS come live with us or else he was going to the police and BM didn't want her husband going to jail so she agreed. I doubt Dh is going to want ss back in that kind of environment
Quoting leegirl_jm:

She  is 16, you don't put that sort of distraction in your home with your daughter no matter how strong and independent she is, she is still a growing child who doesn't know herself fully yet.

I don't know your relationship with your husband but asking him to send back his son could be a challenge so be prepared to have some conflict and to provide him with workable alternatives but you have to protect your DD.

Quoting Adornyou: I thought I raised a strong independent women who wouldnt get tangled up with a guy like ss but I don't know what's going on he comes and lives with us and has her and all her friends pawning over him like a love struck puppy. I have had more of my daughters "friends" over in the last month then I've had in the past 16 years and they are not here to hang with my daughter if you know what I mean. Is it wrong for me to ask Dh if ss can go back to ny and live with his mom?
Quoting leegirl_jm: I think you should wonder the type of mother you want to be first rather than wife. Your SS has never lived with you and your DD is very vulnerable, your DH can look at other alternatives and you can be a good wife and assist him with that. For me, putting my children at risk would not be an option.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

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