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Can't have friends apparently.

Posted by on May. 10, 2014 at 2:54 PM
  • 23 Replies

BM is territorial. To a degree I understand. Sort of? Well I reconnected with a friend I've known for a few years now. Before I met DH even. Well he's adopting a kitten of ours. He was over yesterday and hung out. He's also a friend of DH's. I didn't even know they knew each other. Well he made a funny post on Facebook, about just having left our home and arriving to find his neighborhood blocked off do to bomb squad (Bank robbery bomb threat LOL everything is fine) I guess she messaged him a little later, and bitched him out. "Seems all my friends hang out with (My DH) and his girlfriend" (She still calls me his girlfriend :/) And went on and on about it. This person and I have been friends for years now. Before he ever met DH or BM. And she just tore him to shreds. This friend laughed it off. And was mostly "Oh my? really?" in response to it all. 

It's annoying. She's a few years older than me, we went to school in the same county only 2-3 years apart. We're bound to have, and DO have friends in common. And she finds the need to harass them whenever they're over. Luckily my friends act like the adults they are. And brush it off. But jeez? I can't even have friends now? But sure I'll watch SS next weekend so you can go camping :/ 

by on May. 10, 2014 at 2:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 3:05 PM
6 moms liked this
I wouldn't be friends with anyone that hung out with my ex and his new wife. I don't trust anyone easily. I would not go off in a rage - I would simply just distance myself from
That person - delete from Facebook - I would never make them pick between us - I would just pick for them.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Chels3
by Member on May. 10, 2014 at 3:10 PM

I agree sort of. But what is there to trust? No ones doing anything bad? DH and I don't sit and talk about BM. I have no real problem with her either. But it's hard in a small county when most of our friends know both of us from one time or another. I'm not making anyone choose anyone else. I just think it's ridiculous to go on a raging rant... because we're friends lol.

Quoting momof2ex1: I wouldn't be friends with anyone that hung out with my ex and his new wife. I don't trust anyone easily. I would not go off in a rage - I would simply just distance myself from That person - delete from Facebook - I would never make them pick between us - I would just pick for them.


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 3:28 PM
I agree. That's why I said I wouldn't go in to a rage. There are lots of things to not trust about an ex especially one that has a vested interest - like children.

My point: I personally don't blame her for not wanting to share her friends. I don't agree with how she handled it.

I have actually been in this situation. I grew up with two people. One I had a short term relationship with and we have a son together. The other was a close friend of mine all through school.

They are now married. We have reasons not to run in the same circle. I admit to being angry when they started dating while I was pregnant. It almost felt like a betrayal. Friends shouldn't do that. I would never date or get in to a relationship with a man that was previously with a friend of mine. (I realize that isn't the case in your situation)

But we shared mutual friends. I just found new friends. There was no rage. There never was even a conversation. I just bowed out and found new friends.

Quoting Chels3:

I agree sort of. But what is there to trust? No ones doing anything bad? DH and I don't sit and talk about BM. I have no real problem with her either. But it's hard in a small county when most of our friends know both of us from one time or another. I'm not making anyone choose anyone else. I just think it's ridiculous to go on a raging rant... because we're friends lol.

Quoting momof2ex1: I wouldn't be friends with anyone that hung out with my ex and his new wife. I don't trust anyone easily. I would not go off in a rage - I would simply just distance myself from
That person - delete from Facebook - I would never make them pick between us - I would just pick for them.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 3:44 PM

I would have thought that would be a reason to have some trust in the person.

Quoting momof2ex1: I agree. That's why I said I wouldn't go in to a rage. There are lots of things to not trust about an ex especially one that has a vested interest - like children. My point: I personally don't blame her for not wanting to share her friends. I don't agree with how she handled it. I have actually been in this situation. I grew up with two people. One I had a short term relationship with and we have a son together. The other was a close friend of mine all through school. They are now married. We have reasons not to run in the same circle. I admit to being angry when they started dating while I was pregnant. It almost felt like a betrayal. Friends shouldn't do that. I would never date or get in to a relationship with a man that was previously with a friend of mine. (I realize that isn't the case in your situation) But we shared mutual friends. I just found new friends. There was no rage. There never was even a conversation. I just bowed out and found new friends.
Quoting Chels3:

I agree sort of. But what is there to trust? No ones doing anything bad? DH and I don't sit and talk about BM. I have no real problem with her either. But it's hard in a small county when most of our friends know both of us from one time or another. I'm not making anyone choose anyone else. I just think it's ridiculous to go on a raging rant... because we're friends lol.

Quoting momof2ex1: I wouldn't be friends with anyone that hung out with my ex and his new wife. I don't trust anyone easily. I would not go off in a rage - I would simply just distance myself from That person - delete from Facebook - I would never make them pick between us - I would just pick for them.



Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on May. 10, 2014 at 6:28 PM


Quoting Chels3:

I agree sort of. But what is there to trust? No ones doing anything bad? DH and I don't sit and talk about BM. I have no real problem with her either. But it's hard in a small county when most of our friends know both of us from one time or another. I'm not making anyone choose anyone else. I just think it's ridiculous to go on a raging rant... because we're friends lol.

How does she know you're not saying anything bad about her?

I wouldn't trust anyone who stayed friends with my ex after the divorce and friends with me as well. I also wouldn't go off in a rage, we'd just have nothing in common suddenly.

However, you didn't answer in the last post you put up about telling him it would bite him if he didn't get a CO - were you the OW? That could be part of the problem if you were. She may have thought she had a friend, but finds out that he is fine with the (at this point I'm only speculating) fact that his other friend and his wife hurt her.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 9:07 PM
Maybe I didn't add in more detail. I would not want someone knowing personal info about me and then being friends with my ex. Would you want BM having free access to tbjngs that go on in your home? Would you trust her with your personal info that friends may have about you? I doubt it.
Quoting leegirl_jm:

I would have thought that would be a reason to have some trust in the person.

Quoting momof2ex1: I agree. That's why I said I wouldn't go in to a rage. There are lots of things to not trust about an ex especially one that has a vested interest - like children.

My point: I personally don't blame her for not wanting to share her friends. I don't agree with how she handled it.

I have actually been in this situation. I grew up with two people. One I had a short term relationship with and we have a son together. The other was a close friend of mine all through school.

They are now married. We have reasons not to run in the same circle. I admit to being angry when they started dating while I was pregnant. It almost felt like a betrayal. Friends shouldn't do that. I would never date or get in to a relationship with a man that was previously with a friend of mine. (I realize that isn't the case in your situation)

But we shared mutual friends. I just found new friends. There was no rage. There never was even a conversation. I just bowed out and found new friends.

Quoting Chels3:

I agree sort of. But what is there to trust? No ones doing anything bad? DH and I don't sit and talk about BM. I have no real problem with her either. But it's hard in a small county when most of our friends know both of us from one time or another. I'm not making anyone choose anyone else. I just think it's ridiculous to go on a raging rant... because we're friends lol.

Quoting momof2ex1: I wouldn't be friends with anyone that hung out with my ex and his new wife. I don't trust anyone easily. I would not go off in a rage - I would simply just distance myself from
That person - delete from Facebook - I would never make them pick between us - I would just pick for them.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 9:14 PM
Adding:

I don't trust my ex. I know what he says about me to my face, behind my back to my lawyer and to my child. The ONLY thing I trust is that he won't murder my child. Other than that - I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I would have thought that would be a reason to have some trust in the person.

Quoting momof2ex1: I agree. That's why I said I wouldn't go in to a rage. There are lots of things to not trust about an ex especially one that has a vested interest - like children.

My point: I personally don't blame her for not wanting to share her friends. I don't agree with how she handled it.

I have actually been in this situation. I grew up with two people. One I had a short term relationship with and we have a son together. The other was a close friend of mine all through school.

They are now married. We have reasons not to run in the same circle. I admit to being angry when they started dating while I was pregnant. It almost felt like a betrayal. Friends shouldn't do that. I would never date or get in to a relationship with a man that was previously with a friend of mine. (I realize that isn't the case in your situation)

But we shared mutual friends. I just found new friends. There was no rage. There never was even a conversation. I just bowed out and found new friends.

Quoting Chels3:

I agree sort of. But what is there to trust? No ones doing anything bad? DH and I don't sit and talk about BM. I have no real problem with her either. But it's hard in a small county when most of our friends know both of us from one time or another. I'm not making anyone choose anyone else. I just think it's ridiculous to go on a raging rant... because we're friends lol.

Quoting momof2ex1: I wouldn't be friends with anyone that hung out with my ex and his new wife. I don't trust anyone easily. I would not go off in a rage - I would simply just distance myself from
That person - delete from Facebook - I would never make them pick between us - I would just pick for them.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 9:28 PM

I wouldn't have a problem with BM knowing the happenings in my home since SS is free to come here, I would expect he would share what happens here with his mother. I live my life so I wouldn't be ashamed to sell my parrot to the town gossip. I have a live-in Nanny in my home, my life is pretty open.

Quoting momof2ex1: Maybe I didn't add in more detail. I would not want someone knowing personal info about me and then being friends with my ex. Would you want BM having free access to tbjngs that go on in your home? Would you trust her with your personal info that friends may have about you? I doubt it.
Quoting leegirl_jm:

I would have thought that would be a reason to have some trust in the person.

Quoting momof2ex1: I agree. That's why I said I wouldn't go in to a rage. There are lots of things to not trust about an ex especially one that has a vested interest - like children. My point: I personally don't blame her for not wanting to share her friends. I don't agree with how she handled it. I have actually been in this situation. I grew up with two people. One I had a short term relationship with and we have a son together. The other was a close friend of mine all through school. They are now married. We have reasons not to run in the same circle. I admit to being angry when they started dating while I was pregnant. It almost felt like a betrayal. Friends shouldn't do that. I would never date or get in to a relationship with a man that was previously with a friend of mine. (I realize that isn't the case in your situation) But we shared mutual friends. I just found new friends. There was no rage. There never was even a conversation. I just bowed out and found new friends.
Quoting Chels3:

I agree sort of. But what is there to trust? No ones doing anything bad? DH and I don't sit and talk about BM. I have no real problem with her either. But it's hard in a small county when most of our friends know both of us from one time or another. I'm not making anyone choose anyone else. I just think it's ridiculous to go on a raging rant... because we're friends lol.

Quoting momof2ex1: I wouldn't be friends with anyone that hung out with my ex and his new wife. I don't trust anyone easily. I would not go off in a rage - I would simply just distance myself from That person - delete from Facebook - I would never make them pick between us - I would just pick for them.



Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

Chels3
by Member on May. 10, 2014 at 9:29 PM

   No no. I wasn't the other woman. She left when their son was around 6 months or so. I came into the picture when he was 3 or so. So about 2 or more years. It's just a small county. And I guess she didn't know that this friend had already known me before I started dating/married DH. And she doesn't. But I don't. So good point. I just didn't think it was fair for someone to jump down someone eles's throat because they're friends with me. It makes me scared friends I've had before I even came into this relationship are going to be alienated from me. In fear of having their phones/Facebook blown up. It didn't turn into a big deal. Really just threw me off. I remember being the "You can't be my friend if you're her friend." in elementary school. And learning better of that behavior. 

   I guess I just feel you can be friends with anyone you want. I don't get mad at my friends. Who I know hang out with her? I guess. I don't care. Lol they're adults. And just to put this out there again. No lol I was not the other woman. Far from it. Their relationship ended with 'the other man'.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Quoting Chels3:

I agree sort of. But what is there to trust? No ones doing anything bad? DH and I don't sit and talk about BM. I have no real problem with her either. But it's hard in a small county when most of our friends know both of us from one time or another. I'm not making anyone choose anyone else. I just think it's ridiculous to go on a raging rant... because we're friends lol.

How does she know you're not saying anything bad about her?

I wouldn't trust anyone who stayed friends with my ex after the divorce and friends with me as well. I also wouldn't go off in a rage, we'd just have nothing in common suddenly.

However, you didn't answer in the last post you put up about telling him it would bite him if he didn't get a CO - were you the OW? That could be part of the problem if you were. She may have thought she had a friend, but finds out that he is fine with the (at this point I'm only speculating) fact that his other friend and his wife hurt her.


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on May. 10, 2014 at 9:32 PM

He was who I was thinking you had the vested interest with so you have some trust in him. That clears that up.

Quoting momof2ex1: Adding: I don't trust my ex. I know what he says about me to my face, behind my back to my lawyer and to my child. The ONLY thing I trust is that he won't murder my child. Other than that - I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.
Quoting leegirl_jm:

I would have thought that would be a reason to have some trust in the person.

Quoting momof2ex1: I agree. That's why I said I wouldn't go in to a rage. There are lots of things to not trust about an ex especially one that has a vested interest - like children. My point: I personally don't blame her for not wanting to share her friends. I don't agree with how she handled it. I have actually been in this situation. I grew up with two people. One I had a short term relationship with and we have a son together. The other was a close friend of mine all through school. They are now married. We have reasons not to run in the same circle. I admit to being angry when they started dating while I was pregnant. It almost felt like a betrayal. Friends shouldn't do that. I would never date or get in to a relationship with a man that was previously with a friend of mine. (I realize that isn't the case in your situation) But we shared mutual friends. I just found new friends. There was no rage. There never was even a conversation. I just bowed out and found new friends.
Quoting Chels3:

I agree sort of. But what is there to trust? No ones doing anything bad? DH and I don't sit and talk about BM. I have no real problem with her either. But it's hard in a small county when most of our friends know both of us from one time or another. I'm not making anyone choose anyone else. I just think it's ridiculous to go on a raging rant... because we're friends lol.

Quoting momof2ex1: I wouldn't be friends with anyone that hung out with my ex and his new wife. I don't trust anyone easily. I would not go off in a rage - I would simply just distance myself from That person - delete from Facebook - I would never make them pick between us - I would just pick for them.



Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

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