Debating what to tell DH regarding his kids and a convo I had yesterday.
Assuming most people know the background so omitting that but will answer questions.
I called MIL yesterday to wish her a happy MD. The kids had been over to visit earlier in the day. MIL said she was concerned because SDs told her that BM had taken them to visit a new school. MIL said that the kids acted like they weren't sure if they were supposed to be telling her or not so she asked me what I knew about the situation. Both DH and I have talked to the kids since their visit and neither have mentioned it to us.
What I'm debating is whether or not to get DH all worked up by mentioning this school visit or if I should keep it under my hat til BM or the kids tell him themselves. I really don't know what, if anything, can or should be done. DH will be back in the US in June for a week though so if he wants to pursue anything legally, now would probably be the time to start looking into options. I just don't want him to get all worked up unnecessarily.
About a month or more ago, BM emailed DH and told him that she was thinking about moving closer to her job 45 min away and asked that he "talk up" the move to the girls and that she would let him know what she decided. We've had no additional communication from BM about this.
Normally, this would seem like a logical idea. No one enjoys commuting 45-60 minutes each way if they can avoid it. But in BM's case, none of us are so sure this is a good thing. I did research the school and it's good. But....
1) BM relies heavily on DH's nearby family to get the kids to/from things now that we are not in town. Just in the last week, my MIL and SIL have taken SD14 to the ortho, picked SD16 up from a school dance, taken SD16 to her meet in another town, and kept the kids for an overnight--all very last minute requests. My SIL has 4 kids of her own and my MIL/FIL have pretty busy lives. Doing something in town 5 min away is one thing and they do it a lot. 45 min away, they're not going to be able to help. Per MIL and SIL.
2) This is the first job in gosh...20 some years? that BM has kept for longer than a few months. Which is great. Really happy for her that she's got something she enjoys. But should she lose this job, the town she's looking to move to really doesn't have a lot of other options. The business she works for is pretty much the only show in town and she'd then be 1.5 hours away from either of the two closest "big" towns with jobs.
3) BM spends a lot of time out with friends. Currently, that means that she is in a town about an hour away. If that continues, she'll then be nearly 2 hours away from the kids when she's out and about. So I don't see this improving the amount of time she spends with the kids. It's not at all uncommon for the kids to be home alone til 9:30 or 10 at night on a weeknight and later on weekends (I only know this because the kids call/skype with me and Dad at night and Mom is not home). At least being near to our inlaws, they have people to call in an emergency or people to check in on them.
4) The last issue is that the whole reason the kids didn't come with us when we moved was that the CO clearly states that the kids cannot be moved outside of the school district without consent from both parents. It had been verbally agreed upon that the kids would be allowed to move overseas with us but BM has been ratcheting that back and has gone as far as saying it's a no go altogether.
BM has a tendency to get very excited about something and then flake out. So we really didn't get too concerned about the email a month or so ago. She has "threatened" to move in the past but that was when we lived there and she planned to leave the kids with us in home town. Now I'm just not sure what makes sense.
I don't want DH to get all stressed out about it. But it seems to me like if she's taking the kids to visit the school, this has gone from conceptual to might actually happen.