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I'm jealous maybe?

Posted by on May. 12, 2014 at 4:33 PM
  • 40 Replies

We had my oldest stepson's first communion yesterday and I had to watch while my DH stood for pictures with his ex wife and their son.  It shouldn't bother me but it does.  I don't have any kids yet but I am six weeks pregnant.  Maybe I'm hormonal?  I feel like none of us want to see our husband take family pictures with their first family while we sit on the sidelines.  I don't feel like explaining it to my DH because I feel like it's one of those things only stepmoms can relate to.  I like BM.  I just don't like when we're all together at events for their kids.  I would be much happier staying home or going elsewhere than feeling like second best or an extra due to the circumstances.

by on May. 12, 2014 at 4:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
WickedPissah
by Gold Member on May. 12, 2014 at 4:55 PM
Why does it bother you when you're all at events?
You said you have no problem with Bm.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 12, 2014 at 5:03 PM
5 moms liked this

Offer to take the picture. Then you can avoid the awkward third wheel thing.

Jen-ash
by Member on May. 12, 2014 at 5:04 PM

I must be hormonal.  LOL.  It was the image of them all together that got under my skin.  I thought it should be my DH and his son and then a separate one of BM and son.  Not the 3 of them together while I sit on the sidelines.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on May. 12, 2014 at 5:18 PM
2 moms liked this

If DH didn't know you when he met BM and didn't choose her, then you, you are NOT second best to anything.  That's just silly.  The 'extra' part, well, how long did they spend taking pictures?  Both my boys have received their 1st communion AFTER XH and I divorced.  We were relatively newly divorced when ODS received his.  XH and I sat with ODS for his 1st communion, and took pictures afterwards together, then ODS and XH and SM, then just me with him, then the grandparents, Godparents, etc.  Whole picture thing took about 10 minutes out of the whole day.  When YDS made his, I didn't ask/invite BF to sit with me and YDS.  He sat with SM, and my mom and xMIL and others.  Again, we took pictures as before, still took about 10 minutes for EVERYONE to take them, not just the ones with he and I.  Out of the whole day/celebration, 10 minutes shouldn't make anyone feel 2nd best or a third wheel.

Oh, and when we've done this for 1st communion, confirmation, etc., I take SM/XHs pictures, SM will take the ones with me and the boys (with or without her DH, my XH, in the picture too).  She's involved, included, and all is fine. 

I think it's your pregnancy hormones talking.  Congratuations on the little one! 

This day was a day about your SS, not you, not DH, not BM, not BM and DH together, but about SS.  Try to reframe it in your mind.  :)  And, also, who'd DH go home with afterwards?  ;) 

momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2014 at 5:32 PM

Do you have pictures of your parents and you all together? How would you feel if you didn't?

tiafez
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2014 at 5:53 PM

I'd think the SS would like some photos with him and his parents.take some with different people next time but if he'd like one with both parents and him, I wouldn't be too upset,they are his parents.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on May. 12, 2014 at 5:53 PM
I understand that feeling. I felt that way at first. But at the time things w BM weren't civil and it was more feeling like he had that "bond" w her not me. (Sharing children) later we agreed to have one child as did so. Since then, things have improved w BM as well. We socialize with her some now. I feel a lot better.
Leigh84
by Silver Member on May. 12, 2014 at 6:33 PM
It's prob hormones. I can understand why you would feel that way but you're looking at it the wrong way. They took pics w/their son for a special event of his. It's not like it's a family pic of them being "together"
Jen-ash
by Member on May. 12, 2014 at 8:14 PM
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Thank you ladies.  This was my first time ever seeing my DH and his ex acting like the family they once were.  I was in the pew with her family and my MIL just waiting for them to be done.  In my pregnant brain, I felt like chopped liver even though somewhere underneath I knew I was being ridiculous.  My own parents divorced when I was young and I never had or expected pictures with all us unless it was pre-divorce.  Reading back, I know it's my hormones.  I'm fine and hope these crazy feelings don't last the whole nine months!!!

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on May. 12, 2014 at 8:24 PM
4 moms liked this

 Congrats on the pregnancy!! 

And, I  have never had to deal with BM/DH and SD pics before. It's never come up with but... maybe graduation? Maybe not.

In any case. I'd imagine that would be a bit awkward.  Watching your husband stand and smile with someone they were once intimate with and had a child with.  Even if it's "for the child."  And, you know what?  It's okay to admit that.  It's okay to say... wow that was weird... glad it's over!! 

The problems come on when you act on those feelings of awkwardness and it sounds like you are doing a really good job of putting your feelings in perspective.  You know, rationally, that it's nice for the kids to have pics with both their parents at the important events even if it is not your favorite part of the day.  That's pretty awesome. :)

Just try not to focus on it. 

How are you feeling otherwise with the pregnancy? I was so sick with my first!!

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