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I wasn't expecting that. WWYD?

Posted by on May. 13, 2014 at 9:22 PM
  • 35 Replies

Communication between BM and I has had its ups and downs.

The first two years was incredibly volatile, and we didn’t speak at all. When we finally ‘officially’ (there were some tense encounters) met, BM immediately asked for my opinion on some important subjects. From then on, she included me in serious topics concerning SS. At first I was excited to be included, but then realized she was trying to go through me to circumvent DH’s decisions.

When I finally decided that communication needed to be between DH and BM, she threatened me that she was going to take us to court. I stopped communicating with her. When didn’t talk for a while after that, then reached a point of polite conversation.

Our communication has tapered off, with a few random spurts of polite communication. She’s been speaking strictly with DH for a while now, but over the past few weeks she’s been texting me. It was simple things – She wanted to remind me to pack two drinks for Field Day. She let me know she packed SS’s basketball shirt in his backpack. She asked if SS left any library books at our house. It was simple things with simple responses. I don’t even think I responded to a few of her texts…

She sent me a text today. I was in the middle of substituting, so I didn’t get the text until after school was out. It was a (in my opinion) snarky sounding text about how she worked really hard to heal SS’s chapped lips and they looked chapped again, and how *I* needed to make sure that SS was putting on chapstick.

It was out of left field, so I decided not to respond. I left, picked up SS and DD, and took them to the library. When we got to the library, she texted me and asked if I’d gotten her text. I sent back, “Yes.”

I took the kids home, and grabbed my laptop to leave for class (finals are today). On the way out the door, I asked DH if BM had contacted him. He said no.

As soon as I got to class, BM sent me another text. It was a long text that told me that (basically) she just wanted what was best for SS and it was her job to make sure he was being taken care of. Then it was about how she was the only responsible parent and it was so frustrating to see that I’d dropped the ball. And how I can’t expect SS to remember to put on chapstick by himself and I needed to make sure he was putting chapstick on his lips. She just continued to rant at me …

I haven’t texted her back. And at this point, I don’t really think I’m going to text her back. I just wanted to pick your brains about the situation. I don’t mind simple communication, but I hate how unpredictable it can be. I feel like it's going good, and then something like this happens. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

by on May. 13, 2014 at 9:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on May. 13, 2014 at 9:25 PM
3 moms liked this

Show DH the texts.  Respond to her that she needs to contact DH with her parenting concerns.  Let her know you have forwarded the texts to him and that is what you will do from now on.

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2014 at 9:26 PM
Reply with a simple no problem we will keep an eye on his lips. If you reply make sure to tell her to contact dh from now on and not you.
Annawest
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2014 at 9:30 PM
1 mom liked this

This is why I don't even do simple communication, it blurs the boundaries. 

progressandjoy
by Silver Member on May. 13, 2014 at 9:39 PM
I told DH about it (I haven't been home to actually show him yet). He said she's been acting really aggressive towards him lately, and he's been getting 'I'm the only responsible parent' texts for the past few weeks.

He apologized about it and told me I should just ignore her.


Quoting pdxmum:

Show DH the texts.  Respond to her that she needs to contact DH with her parenting concerns.  Let her know you have forwarded the texts to him and that is what you will do from now on.

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 13, 2014 at 9:41 PM

She almost sounds like she's trying to pick a fight with you. Like if you respond negatively, she'll show the text to your DH or whoever and say, "SEE?  This is what I have to deal with!  Try to give constructive criticism and she snaps at me."

I'd just ignore that particular brand of crazy.


progressandjoy
by Silver Member on May. 13, 2014 at 9:42 PM
Ugh.

I don't mind simple communication, but it always - eventually - turns into something like this.

I think it's silly to refuse to answer a question about library books, but if this is what it leads to I guess I can understand it.


Quoting Annawest:

This is why I don't even do simple communication, it blurs the boundaries. 

progressandjoy
by Silver Member on May. 13, 2014 at 9:46 PM
I kind of felt like she trying to pick a fight, which is why I didn't respond to the first text.

Quoting sandeeyo:

She almost sounds like she's trying to pick a fight with you. Like if you respond negatively, she'll show the text to your DH or whoever and say, "SEE?  This is what I have to deal with!  Try to give constructive criticism and she snaps at me."

I'd just ignore that particular brand of crazy.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on May. 13, 2014 at 10:27 PM
1 mom liked this

By not replying and ignoring, you are probably making it worse.  Seriously think about replying without engaging.

Quoting progressandjoy: I kind of felt like she trying to pick a fight, which is why I didn't respond to the first text.
Quoting sandeeyo:

She almost sounds like she's trying to pick a fight with you. Like if you respond negatively, she'll show the text to your DH or whoever and say, "SEE?  This is what I have to deal with!  Try to give constructive criticism and she snaps at me."

I'd just ignore that particular brand of crazy.



Annawest
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2014 at 10:49 PM

Just shut it down.  She texts you about library books.  DH responds.  Whenever she texts you, just let DH respond from his phone.  Eventually she'll stop texting you.  You've got a brand new adorable baby and a SS there part time enjoy them while DH deals with the petty stuff.  It's different if she would have text:  I've worked really hard on SS chapped lips.  They finally seem to be healed.  Can you all make sure he gets chap stick on ?  Or simply, Hey SS has been needing chap stick on lately, just an FYI.  But making it be your fault that his lips are chapped is so silly.

Quoting progressandjoy: Ugh. I don't mind simple communication, but it always - eventually - turns into something like this. I think it's silly to refuse to answer a question about library books, but if this is what it leads to I guess I can understand it.
Quoting Annawest:

This is why I don't even do simple communication, it blurs the boundaries. 


Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 13, 2014 at 10:51 PM
1 mom liked this

If you don't respond at all, it's just going to ramp up. I'd just say, "Got your messages, will forward these on to Dad so he's aware."

It seems weird to me that after all this time of not communicating, she'd contact you about chapped lips?  Odd.

Is there something else going on in the background with her and your DH?

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