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DH denied visitation for "sick" SD

Posted by on May. 15, 2014 at 10:42 AM
  • 39 Replies
DH works out of town majority of the time. CO visitation is set up for days off, as he often works two weeks at a time on location. Lately when he has been home and its time to have SD, BM tells us that SD is sick and instead offers make up days. The make up days she offers are on days he will be gone and isn't able to have visitation. We have no problem caring for her while sick but BM says she's not comfortable with that arrangement.

According to BM, SD has been "sick" 3 visitation weeks in a row supposedly with fever... SD is still however going to daycare without issue. DH mentioned to BM that if she is sick, too sick, so often to the point she is denying visitstion, why has SD not been taken to the doctor. BM says there is no need just a fever. If a fever is that consistent there is something wrong...

This passed week BM sends me a text as she often does concerning SD. BM asked if DH was going to be in from work on Saturday (this passed Saturday) she did she had a graduation ceremony to go to. I told her I wasnt sure and offered to babysit SD during the ceremony. BM declined my offer saying she will use a babysitter she uses often. BM then texts me the next day asking for money to pay for half of the babysitting fees. SERIOUSLY??? I had just talked to DH about his schedule and the possibility of him being home just minutes before she contacted me. I had just learned that DH would be arriving very late Friday night and that he was wanting visitation. I told BM that DH would be home and that we would come pick SD up Saturday morning. BM texts back and says SD is running fever and isn't a good idea...
DH told BM that regardless of fever he would be picking her up. So we did get SD on Saturday and she was completely fine, despite numerous phone calls starting 6AM sat morning arguing SD was sick. SD not only was fine but had no fever what so ever throughout the day or evening.
SD went home that night with BM since mothers day was the following day. Bought BM a card for SD (4)to give to her momma. BM texts MY phone saying thanks for the card and to tell my DH to tell me Happy Mothers Day to me too even of I am a bitch trying to play Mommy.... WTF?
I'm too busy being mommy to my own 3 kids. I treat SD like my own especially them all being so close in age. If I do happen to be involved and on the middle of something it's normally by the choice of BM bringing me in, by text, phone, email, asking for favors.
I know I'm bitching but I just don't get it, either way it's a lose lose situation.
Can she really deny visitation for sickness? Constantly and continuously?
by on May. 15, 2014 at 10:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
andie646c
by Silver Member on May. 15, 2014 at 11:00 AM

She can't deny visitation for sickness ...

Next time your DH has that kid he needs to take her to the doctor. If BM is claimined all of these fevers she needs blood tests ran. The worst that will happen is the doctor will say she is fine. The best is that they can save her life.

kaseykaye
by Member on May. 15, 2014 at 11:09 AM
BM is CO to carry insurance on SD. BM refuses to give us the insurance information claiming that it's personal and doesn't have to tell us. BM will not share pediatrician information with us either. We have court coming up pertaining to custody and can only address this portion of the issue with the judge.
cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 15, 2014 at 11:20 AM
1 mom liked this
She can't deny visitation. Dad is just as capable of caring for the sick kid as mom is. One time bm did that to my dh. Said ss was sick and would just stay home that day. Dh said ok, but then about 4 hours later ss calls me to tell me about something he found outside, I asked if he was sick and he said no. I said well were you earlier? He acted confused and said no. Dh was pissed and from then on, he takes ss no matter what. There was one time after that, that he had the flu and bm told dh, but he didn't trust her so said he was still picking him up when he got there he could see how sick ss was, so he let him stay purely for comfort reasons the kid was very sick and couldn't walk well. But at least dh saw it for his own eyes. I'll never understand lying like that. So pathetic.
Leigh84
by Silver Member on May. 15, 2014 at 12:37 PM
I don't believe she can deny visitation b/c of an illness w/in reason. I say w/in reason bc I could understand denying visitation for something like the flu. If she's well enough to go to day care she's well enough to go to dads. I also wouldn't communicate w/BM anymore since she texted saying you are a bitch playing mommy, even tho you ARE a mom to other children. If she contacts you just refer her to DH.
kaseykaye
by Member on May. 15, 2014 at 12:55 PM
I didn't think she could deny visitstion either. She is so argumentative if she doesn't get her way. DH told BM not to contact me unless it's an emergency or SD needed to be picked up from daycare, after an incident over her harassing us over money. BM will contact DH and DH working so much isn't always able to talk with her so she calls me or texts. She says it's easier to get things accomplished when she doesn't have to wait on DH to call her back...

I told DH that maybe if he were to mention contempt that she would stop denying him. DH said he would threaten it if she pulled the sick card again.
faerie75
by Platinum Member on May. 15, 2014 at 1:02 PM
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 theres no fucking way id help her pay for childcare while she attended an event on her time. id laugh at that shit.

on one hand id be like keep your sick kid. but if she is doing it repeatedly, i doubt her honesty and file contempt.

kaseykaye
by Member on May. 15, 2014 at 1:23 PM
1 mom liked this
She's money hungry. She has even tried to give us "bills" requesting partial payment for groceries and hygiene products bought for SD for BM home. DH pays a good amount on child support. BM feels entitled to be compensated for half of absolutely everything pertaining to SD. SD has clothes at our home purchased by us or other family members (xmas & bdays) that BM thinks she should get half of for her home... BM can be very aggravating.
wise.toes
by Silver Member on May. 15, 2014 at 1:27 PM

illness is not a reason to deny court ordered visitation. 

she's playing games and yall are allowing her to do so. 

if i were YOU, i'd stop communicating with her entirely. there's no reason she needs to contact you.

HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on May. 15, 2014 at 1:38 PM
1 mom liked this
DH needs to just stick to his pick up days and times, ignore texts, and get SD. Perhaps he should inves in an ear thermometer for a quick check at pick up!

Simply put, if she has/had a fever, day care wouldn't take her. If she is well enough for day care, she is certainly well enough for dad! Frankly, if she is sick enough for mom, she is sick enough for dad too - it isn't for BM to decide if she is 'comfortable' with it.

If your DH is letting her get away with these games, that's on him. I honestly don't think either of you are foolish enough to think she can so this. Just go get the child!
kaseykaye
by Member on May. 15, 2014 at 2:16 PM
It's not so much letting BM get away with playing games as much as at first we halfway believed that SD was sick. If she was legitimately sick I understand the comfortability of staying home. For SD to be conveniently sick every visitstion is ridiculous. I was more or less looking for affirmation that she can't deny purely based on being sick.

I knew she was lying about the situation in its entirety when she mentioned SD continuing to go to daycare.

I have a forehead swipe thermometer that we did take with us when we picked up SD this passed Saturday.

BM had nothing to say other than her word should be sufficient.

Quoting HopesNDreams: DH needs to just stick to his pick up days and times, ignore texts, and get SD. Perhaps he should inves in an ear thermometer for a quick check at pick up!

Simply put, if she has/had a fever, day care wouldn't take her. If she is well enough for day care, she is certainly well enough for dad! Frankly, if she is sick enough for mom, she is sick enough for dad too - it isn't for BM to decide if she is 'comfortable' with it.

If your DH is letting her get away with these games, that's on him. I honestly don't think either of you are foolish enough to think she can so this. Just go get the child!
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