Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

I'm a newbie!

Posted by on May. 15, 2014 at 11:29 AM
  • 11 Replies

My name is Alyse, I have an 8 yr son.  My fiance has 4 boys, 23, 19, 17 (with autism) and 12.  The 2 older ones don't have much to do with us.  We have the 2 younger ones 30% of the time.  Just went thru hell w/ his ex over childsupport (he was 4.5xover guidelines) and the 2 older ones think we're dirt.  I do so much for the 2 younger ones but I am feeling overwhelmed (working full time), under appreciated, over scheduled and just plain tired.  Would love tips to grow a relationship with the 2 older ones, and not to be taken advantage of by the ex and their herd.  Thanks!

by on May. 15, 2014 at 11:29 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
RobsPrincess24
by ThePrincess on May. 15, 2014 at 11:35 AM

Welcome to the group. =)

How long have you and DH been married? What happened with the child support situation? If you have the younger 2 on 30% of the time, why are you doing so much for them? Can you explain what all you do? Why do the oldest ones think you and DH are dirt?

laughnchica
by on May. 15, 2014 at 11:35 AM
Welcome!! How often do you get them with 30%? How is ex taking advantage of you? If you are feeling overwhelmed I would just step back and take a break and let your fiance handle his kiddos.
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 15, 2014 at 11:47 AM
2 moms liked this

Leave the two older ones alone and let them set the tone of the relationship.

There is no way that your SO's ex and his other minor children can take advantage of you.  You owe them NOTHING.  You can avoid being taken advantage of by letting your SO take care of his kids.  Let him be the go-to person, not you.  Minimize your contact with his ex.  She's HIS ex, not yours, you shouldn't have to deal with her at all.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on May. 15, 2014 at 11:53 AM

Why do you do so much for the 2 younger ones?  Who asked you to do so much?  If you took it upon yourself, stop.  If your fiance asked you to, tell him no, it's too much, then set the parameters for what you ARE willing and able to do along with caring for your own 8yo DS and working full time.  If he was able to have 30% time without you in his life, he can do it with you in his life.  BM and her 'herd' shouldn't have any influence over your time and efforts. 

Welcome.

Cafe AmyS
by Head Admin on May. 15, 2014 at 1:04 PM

Welcome to the group Alyse, it's nice to meet you.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on May. 15, 2014 at 1:16 PM

 to avoid being taken advantage of by BM etc, never make yourself available. have your DH communicate with her soley.

i would just wait it out with his older ones and have dad try to patch things up with them. hopefully things blow oever and they will come around and get to know you. let dad reach out and wait.

amantonacci
by Gold Member on May. 15, 2014 at 1:21 PM
Alyse is a really pretty name...
sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on May. 15, 2014 at 1:23 PM
1 mom liked this

Yeahhhh, sez you!

Quoting amantonacci: Alyse is a really pretty name...

 

amantonacci
by Gold Member on May. 15, 2014 at 1:37 PM
Lol hey I know a good name when I see one!

Quoting sandeeyo:

Yeahhhh, sez you!


Quoting amantonacci: Alyse is a really pretty name...

 

WickedPissah
by Cup Cakes on May. 15, 2014 at 4:32 PM
Bm can't take advantage if you unless you let her.
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)