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Blended Family & extended family...updated

Posted by on May. 16, 2014 at 10:09 AM
  • 25 Replies

How or do you introduce your blended family to your extended family?  I always attend my family functions by myself or me & my kids.  My SO has met very few of my family members & the few that he has met, it's only been once or twice & very short visits.  Do your SK's meet your family members?  Or do you attend your SO's family functions...with or without SK's....with or without your own kids?  & does your SO &/or SK's attend your kid's events....like graduations, sporting events?  Or vice versa....do you or your kids attend SK's events???  

SO & I have been together for over a 1yr & a half.  I know it's still new.  & I know that it's different because we are not married & to be honest we may not ever get married.  I know that I am not his kid's mother & have no obligation to them.  I just want to be able to support them at their sporting events.  I know that he has no obligation to my kids as well, but it would be nice to have him in the stands, by my side.  How do you have & share a life with someone, with feeling like it's a part time life?  

Please no bashing!!  I'm just looking for some advice or insight.  


Sooo...Friday night was my 4yr old's pre-school graduation.  I ended up going by myself.  My ex is on probation & not allowed to have any contact with me.  & the pre-school that my daughter goes to, all of my ex's friend's children attend as well.  Therefore, everyone avoided me like the plague.  It was very lonely.  I wished my BF would've been there for support.  Then yesterday, I attended a family thing for my cousin's graduation.  It was just a BBQ type thing at their house....nothing formal.  My BF has never met any of the family.  BF had his kids so I didn't pressure him to go.  I did mention something before I left, but knew he wouldn't go.  But I would love for just once, him to be by my side.  

Last night, he brought up how I had mentioned him going.  I told him how I felt.  That I'd like to know where we stand & if it'll always be this way.  If it will be us & then whenever the kids are around it is "him & his kids" & then "me & my kids"  & if that also cooralates to the extended family....it's "his & his family" & "me & my family"  He pretty much said, yes....that's how it's going to be.  

He gets upset with me for not interacting as much with his kids.  Or how quite I am around his friends & family when I do see them.  I can't get him to understand that it takes me some time to warm up to people.  I'm extremely introvert & I can take a little bit of time to feel comfortable around others.  Furthermore, I can't get him to understand that I see us as a family.  & the way that he wants to keep things makes me feel that we are not a family.  He says he feels that I only want him to go to things so that I can "parade" him around in front of everyone.  That's not the case at all.  I love him & am proud to be with him.  I want to share my life with him.  I honestly don't know what to do.....

by on May. 16, 2014 at 10:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:12 AM

I would introduce your boyfriend's children to your expended family as "my boyfriend's children."

I don't see what that has to do with attending sporting events.

lilmama1206
by Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:18 AM

I'm sorry.  The sporting events question was kind of an after thought.  

Quoting whatIknownow:

I would introduce your boyfriend's children to your expended family as "my boyfriend's children."

I don't see what that has to do with attending sporting events.


lilmama1206
by Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:21 AM

& do they attend your family functions....like get togethers or holiday dinners, etc?  Or do you go to your family events & your SO attends his own?

Quoting whatIknownow:

I would introduce your boyfriend's children to your expended family as "my boyfriend's children."

I don't see what that has to do with attending sporting events.


amantonacci
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:23 AM
I think it largely depends on your family dynamic... If there is travel involved and how often your family gets together
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:29 AM

I introduced SS's to my family as "SO's kids".  They came with us to family events if it happened to fall on DH's time and DH went.  Eventually they developed a relationship with my family and they stopped being his kids and started being family.

if you want your SO to go to events with him then ask him to be there.

cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 16, 2014 at 10:31 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't see why you don't act as a couple. Be together and decide where you will go and that's where you take your kids. Take turns, one year you go to his families for the 4th of July and the next year, your family. And so on. Wherever you guys go, all the kids go too. How many kids and how old are they? I guess if you have older kids it might not be that easy. I have one ss and he met my family about 3 months after dh and I started dating. We have a lot of kids in my family (neices and nephews) so ss blended right in. We've always taken turn with holidays like thanksgiving, one year at dh's moms the next year at mine. We split Christmas Day, by going to lunch at my parents and dinner at his moms. The kids all go where we go.
cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 16, 2014 at 10:36 AM
Another idea too, is if you guys have a lot of kids together and older kids involved, start doing your own things together like Christmas and thanksgiving. Invite people to your home.
lilmama1206
by Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:47 AM

I have 2 kids & SO has 2 kids.  We hardly ever have family get togethers on either side.  SO goes over to his parents house occasionally, but tells me that his mother doesn't like visitors & pretty much refuses to leave her house.  I understand SO not wanting to attend my family events on weekends with his kids, he only has them every other weekend & doesn't want to take away any time from them.  I get that completely.  But at the same time, I think of us as a family & families are there for eachother.  I'm proud to be with him & want my extended family to know my family.  & vice versa....I want to know his, where he comes from.  I guess I'm just wondering if this is how it's going to be.  Or will it ever be anything more?  Am I wrong for someday wanting it to be more??  I come from a blended family myself.  I had always attended my step-parent's family events & was included as family.  I know ultimately whatever works for us....works for us.  

Quoting amantonacci: I think it largely depends on your family dynamic... If there is travel involved and how often your family gets together


Sept-babies2
by Patriot's Fan on May. 16, 2014 at 11:07 AM
Usually anything that is going on we all go..as a family. I bring sd to tball games and my son is on the same team so it works out. Pretty much his family is my family and mine is his. We dont usually go to any family things unless we all go together. Just the way it is..but I also have my sd everyday and take care of her a lot more than anyone else.
Why do you say you may never get married?
AmericanDream
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2014 at 11:08 AM

 I dunno.  If SD was with us during one of my family functions she always came along.  Same with DH.  He came with me to stuff, even if we were dating, unless he had something else going on.  We never really made a big deal about it.  But, honestly, I don't think that SD went out of town with us until after we were married but I know she met my mom...

A year and a half is a sufficient amount of time to say, "Hey SO, I know you have the kids but I'd really love it if you'd come with me to XYZ."

And I introduced SD, "This is (SD's name).  (SD's name), this is So-and-so."  It was kind of a given that she was his daughter...

 

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