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SD came to me for advice what would you say

Posted by on May. 16, 2014 at 9:51 PM
  • 34 Replies

So SD (20) lives with her father and i she sees her mother occasionally but is always telling me that she feels more comfortable talking to me about certain things than her mom and i will always be there to listen and give advice when she needs but i myself have never been in her situation so i was wondering if any of you haveexperianced anything similar and can give some wise words that i can pass onto her.

  So she has been seeing this boy (same age as her) for about 3 months or so from what i hear he is quite the ladies man apparently this is the longest relationship he has ever had,he is not big on commitments.Now SD is getting jelous because he has a best friend who happens to be a girl they have known eachother since elementry school and they spend so much time together.SD gets mad because shes always around and he will even break plans with SD whenever the friend has a bad day and needs him by her side.The thing that bothers SD the most and even struck me as odd is that they are always telling eachother they love eachother and kissing on the lips(just a peck)but still it is a little strange.

 so what would you say to your DD or SD 

by on May. 16, 2014 at 9:51 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:07 PM
4 moms liked this

I wish I had listened to what my parents told me at that age.

 it's ok for guys to have friends that are girls. But I would also be offended if the guy dropped me for her or was kissing another woman-- although I don't come from a kissing culture.  I would tell her to respect herself and go with her gut.  She deserves better than that. He's not ready for a relationship with her.

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:12 PM
1 mom liked this

sounds like SD is his side piece....sorry I never could date a man like that-he's a player and my time is too precious to be messed with like that


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I would tell my daughter that she is young and 'ain't nobody got time for that'. So many other men in the world. Does she not know her own worth? She deserves better than that. Period. However she's an adult and is going to make her own decisions - so best bet is to just be there for her, listen, be her shoulder to lean on ... If I had listened to my parents at 20, my life would be totally different. It wasn't until I was 30 that it dawned on me that - damn they were right.
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Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:35 PM

I'd tell her to listen to Dan Savage podcasts and read "The Gift of Fear"  and "He's Just Not that Into You." then decide what to do.

If her gut feeling is that there's a real problem, she should listen and get out of there.  On the other hand, I think that a man who is good friends with women can be a really good catch so I don't have a fundamental problem with the "I love you" or a "peck".  The way that he treats his friend in a crisis could be a good indication of how he'd treat her.  I guess what concerns me is that if she's being blown off regularly so early on in the relationship, I don't think he's that into her.

If you don't want to give advice, I think the question "How is this working for you?" is valid.  Everyone has different needs/wants when it comes to relationships.


oldproatthis
by Silver Member on May. 16, 2014 at 10:57 PM
1 mom liked this
That "friend" is his real love and they're waiting it out until he's ready and done playing the field...it's an old story...
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2014 at 11:03 PM

I tend to agree with you.  However, I still talk to my ex fiance/good friend and we tell each other "love you" when we hang up the phone or end an email.  And I know for a fact that he changed plans on a couple of occasions with his then GF, later wife when I had a real crisis.  That made him a good friend but not a cheater or a jerk. 

But I do agree with you.  At 20, it does seem like this guy is just leading the gal along.

Quoting oldproatthis: That "friend" is his real love and they're waiting it out until he's ready and done playing the field...it's an old story...


cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 16, 2014 at 11:13 PM
This. This is so true! She needs to move on.

Quoting oldproatthis: That "friend" is his real love and they're waiting it out until he's ready and done playing the field...it's an old story...
RobsPrincess24
by ThePrincess on May. 17, 2014 at 1:16 AM
Hells to the no! Not ok. I can MAYBE understand the saying I love you, but the peck on the lips, not ok. Not ok at all!

I would tell SD to leave him right then and there. I'm very blunt with SD17 when it comes to relationships. I've been there, done that, and got the shirt. If I can help spare her from making the same mistakes I did, I will do whatever it takes. I had a boyfriend that had a "friend" kind of like this. There was never any kissing, that I'm aware of, but he was always there for her and would cancel our plans for her. Of course I wouldn't find out about it til later though. It made me so mad and I wish I had had more self respect and dumped his sorry ass before he had the chance to dump mine. For the record, he and his "friend" started dating shortly after he dumped me.
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on May. 17, 2014 at 2:44 AM
2 moms liked this

I would tell her that if she is not confident enough in his feelings for her and that if she doesn't trust him, he is not right for her.

I see nothing wrong with having a close friend of the opposite sex.  So what if they say  I love you.  So what if they kiss on the lips in greeting.  Sounds like your SD is insecure.  

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2014 at 7:10 AM
1 mom liked this

I would tell SD/DD - or any 20yo young lady - that, it looks like he's just not that into you. Move on and find someone else.

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