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Need advice for a friend!

Posted by on May. 17, 2014 at 11:47 PM
  • 53 Replies
My friend is newly divorced. Her ex is pretty hostile. He left her for another woman. This woman and his ex are harassing her. Her ex gets in her face and intimidates her, yells and calls her a bitch in front of their kids. He introduced their 2boys to his gf before they were even divorced. She just had her bf meet their boys today. Their oldest told bf about it and now he wants to know his first and last name and where he lives. Does anyone know what all she should tell him? I fear he will start harassing her bf.
by on May. 17, 2014 at 11:47 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 17, 2014 at 11:54 PM

No, she should not give the guy's name to ex.  That's crazy.

But she should also consult with someone about what actions should be taken given his behavior.  Why is it so volatile with him when he's the one who left for another woman? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

kaseykaye
by Member on May. 17, 2014 at 11:56 PM
She doesn't have to tell her ex anything. If she can keep track of everything her ex and gf are doing, documenting it to the best of her abilities, she can file a restraining order or vpo.

I'm obviously an advocate for recording things.. she needs to do what she needs to do to keep EVERYONE safe. Poor girl. I'll say a prayer for her and family. Best of luck
cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 18, 2014 at 12:00 AM
I know right? He's acting crazy and I just don't get it. I've known this guy for 7 years too, he's my husbands childhood friend, that's how I met my friend(his now ex wife) He's acting totally irrational it's crazy. She had her lawyer send a desist and diseas order (have no idea if I said or spelled that right) to his lawyer and he continues to harass her along with his gf. She's going to press charges very soon. She refuses to talk to him unless its via email or text and he's freaking out. His lawyer recommended only taking through email and he won't listen. He's telling her she's selfish and they can't co parent if she doesn't talk to him. Then she has his gf texting her calling her a selfish bitch. It's so messed up.

Quoting Birdseed:

No, she should not give the guy's name to ex.  That's crazy.

But she should also consult with someone about what actions should be taken given his behavior.  Why is it so volatile with him when he's the one who left for another woman? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 18, 2014 at 12:16 AM
She doesn't owe him any information. I would not tell him anything. Her job as the girlfriend and ex wife if she wants this relationship to last is to shield him from anything ex related. I never ever gave my ex any info on my dh. I never asked for info on his wife. I didn't have to really. She was so in my face I knew everything right away.

I shielded my dh for a long time. And now things have died down. While I will shield him if the need arises, currently there is no reason to have to.
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cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 18, 2014 at 12:18 AM
She already had her lawyer send his lawyer a warning to back off. If there's another episode she will file a restraining order. He's blowing up tonight. He wants to know where she his with his kids (it's her weekend) he's going crazy and he's the one who cheated and left her!

Quoting kaseykaye: She doesn't have to tell her ex anything. If she can keep track of everything her ex and gf are doing, documenting it to the best of her abilities, she can file a restraining order or vpo.

I'm obviously an advocate for recording things.. she needs to do what she needs to do to keep EVERYONE safe. Poor girl. I'll say a prayer for her and family. Best of luck
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 18, 2014 at 12:21 AM
It's about control. He has lost control of her. And that makes people do crazy things. And I'm willing to bet the farm (if I had one) that the only reason his new gf is harassing also is because she's been fed a bunch of bullshit and she's just gotten on the band wagon. There is NO way I could be with a man that harassed his ex wife. Or was so irrational regarding his ex. I would feel that there must be something more going on that i am unaware of. For her to jump in and have this same behavior tells me that she doesn't know everything and she's likely been told things that are not true that is fueling her fire.

As a side note: sm really had no reason not to like me but when BF tells her things that are not true - it fuels her and angers her. I cannot tell you how many times she freaked out on me for withholding visitation and how awful I am for keeping BFs daughter from him. I just felt completely dumb founded. She was supporting her man. She was protective of him from his evil, big bad wolf ex wife. When I'm sitting there looking at the email he sent canceling his visits. He would cancel and then tell her that I refused to let him have dd. Wtf?
Quoting cdrainey3: I know right? He's acting crazy and I just don't get it. I've known this guy for 7 years too, he's my husbands childhood friend, that's how I met my friend(his now ex wife) He's acting totally irrational it's crazy. She had her lawyer send a desist and diseas order (have no idea if I said or spelled that right) to his lawyer and he continues to harass her along with his gf. She's going to press charges very soon. She refuses to talk to him unless its via email or text and he's freaking out. His lawyer recommended only taking through email and he won't listen. He's telling her she's selfish and they can't co parent if she doesn't talk to him. Then she has his gf texting her calling her a selfish bitch. It's so messed up.

Quoting Birdseed:

No, she should not give the guy's name to ex.  That's crazy.

But she should also consult with someone about what actions should be taken given his behavior.  Why is it so volatile with him when he's the one who left for another woman? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

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cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 18, 2014 at 12:23 AM
I kind of thought so too. I've heard people say "I have a right to know who my children are around" but not sure if that was something people had to do legally? I think she should refuse to let them meet too.

Quoting momof2ex1: She doesn't owe him any information. I would not tell him anything. Her job as the girlfriend and ex wife if she wants this relationship to last is to shield him from anything ex related. I never ever gave my ex any info on my dh. I never asked for info on his wife. I didn't have to really. She was so in my face I knew everything right away.

I shielded my dh for a long time. And now things have died down. While I will shield him if the need arises, currently there is no reason to have to.
faerie75
by Platinum Member on May. 18, 2014 at 12:27 AM
Actually I'd likely have knocked his teeth out the first time e gt in my face so idk. I absolutely did call the cops on my BD when he came to my house harassing me.
cdrainey3
by Cher on May. 18, 2014 at 12:31 AM
You're so right. He has always manipulated her and intimidated her, their whole marriage he treated her like shit. HE decides to leave and I honestly don't think he thought she would move on like she did. I think it made him happy thinking she was sad and miserable and now that he sees she has accepted things AND has a bf already is making him go crazy. Yet she's the selfish one! I know he's feeding his gf full of shit. She has no idea what has gone on and I have witnessed this man lie multiple times, he's a pro at it, so I know he made up some sob story for his gf. I would never be with a man like that either. I would of never dated a married man either though like this lady did.

Quoting momof2ex1: It's about control. He has lost control of her. And that makes people do crazy things. And I'm willing to bet the farm (if I had one) that the only reason his new gf is harassing also is because she's been fed a bunch of bullshit and she's just gotten on the band wagon. There is NO way I could be with a man that harassed his ex wife. Or was so irrational regarding his ex. I would feel that there must be something more going on that i am unaware of. For her to jump in and have this same behavior tells me that she doesn't know everything and she's likely been told things that are not true that is fueling her fire. As a side note: sm really had no reason not to like me but when BF tells her things that are not true - it fuels her and angers her. I cannot tell you how many times she freaked out on me for withholding visitation and how awful I am for keeping BFs daughter from him. I just felt completely dumb founded. She was supporting her man. She was protective of him from his evil, big bad wolf ex wife. When I'm sitting there looking at the email he sent canceling his visits. He would cancel and then tell her that I refused to let him have dd. Wtf?
Quoting cdrainey3: I know right? He's acting crazy and I just don't get it. I've known this guy for 7 years too, he's my husbands childhood friend, that's how I met my friend(his now ex wife) He's acting totally irrational it's crazy. She had her lawyer send a desist and diseas order (have no idea if I said or spelled that right) to his lawyer and he continues to harass her along with his gf. She's going to press charges very soon. She refuses to talk to him unless its via email or text and he's freaking out. His lawyer recommended only taking through email and he won't listen. He's telling her she's selfish and they can't co parent if she doesn't talk to him. Then she has his gf texting her calling her a selfish bitch. It's so messed up.

Quoting Birdseed:

No, she should not give the guy's name to ex.  That's crazy.

But she should also consult with someone about what actions should be taken given his behavior.  Why is it so volatile with him when he's the one who left for another woman? That doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on May. 18, 2014 at 12:34 AM
At least until he's cool and calm. And over whatever his issue is. Unless this guy is a saint - he may not be up for a crazy ex. If she wants to keep him - she should shield him.

I don't disagree with people wanting to know who their kids around but I think that you lose that 1. When you don't show the same respect to start (as in, you have a boyfriend and introduce your kids and never offer up introducing the ex and new BoyF but then make demands that you have a right to know who's around your kids) 2. You have to have a very small piece of trust that your ex isn't going to intentionally harm your child. If you don't have that - then you should have already filed to protect your children from their 'dangerous' parent. 3. I have realized over the last 13 years of being a parent - my kids come in contact with people all the time that I don't know. Whether it's people at school - library - car wash. I've sent my kids to friends homes where I know their parents but then they may go out to eat with other friends and their parents. Or grandparents. Hell I've taken my kids friends with us to eat with my sister - my parents - other friends. We can't know everyone that our kids make contact with. We cannot control everything.

And besides - it's not like it would matter. If I don't like BFs girlfriend - do you think it would really matter what my opinion is? Some things we can't control.

Quoting cdrainey3: I kind of thought so too. I've heard people say "I have a right to know who my children are around" but not sure if that was something people had to do legally? I think she should refuse to let them meet too.

Quoting momof2ex1: She doesn't owe him any information. I would not tell him anything. Her job as the girlfriend and ex wife if she wants this relationship to last is to shield him from anything ex related. I never ever gave my ex any info on my dh. I never asked for info on his wife. I didn't have to really. She was so in my face I knew everything right away.

I shielded my dh for a long time. And now things have died down. While I will shield him if the need arises, currently there is no reason to have to.
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