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"Baggage"

Posted by on May. 30, 2014 at 7:33 PM
  • 53 Replies

Why are kids referred to as baggage in a second marriage?

by on May. 30, 2014 at 7:33 PM
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soonergirl980
by Gold Member on May. 30, 2014 at 7:37 PM

I couldn't tell you. I think it's a pretty shitty way to refer to children. Baggage is a person "issues" I have baggage I think everyone does but my kids no they are not baggage.

KWIM
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2014 at 7:37 PM
1 mom liked this
No clue...I have noticed that it is usually a term used by "new family is more important than old family" spouses.

I always viewed things like heavy debt and prison records baggage, but never people.
codysara
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2014 at 7:47 PM
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They themselves are not baggage, however depending on the relationship the bio parents have, there can definitely be baggage brought into the relationship. No fault of the kid.
XXanonymousXX
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2014 at 7:48 PM
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I have always thought of the term baggage to mean unresolved issues that impact the new spouse. From that point of view I can see how some SP's view the children as baggage. If, for example the SP's own (non-overstepping) relationship with the child is being prevented yet SP is expected to help financially support the kids, provide child care or deal with a combative BM.

I would never refer to SD as baggage because I am respected as her SM by DH and because my relationship with her brings something positive to my life.
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on May. 30, 2014 at 7:49 PM
7 moms liked this

I think it's reasonable to consider an ex, some kids, and debt all as baggage. 

I happen to really like my SDs but truth is, from an adult relationship standpoint, my DH's debts, both personal, financial and emotional, were baggage coming in to our relationship.  Just like mine were. 

I think some people read into things too much.  The phrase "emotional baggage" has been around a long time. It's not necessarily derogatory, just a notation that there is other stuff taking that person's attention.


CFSTBSM27
by Silver Member on May. 30, 2014 at 8:02 PM
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The only thing I saw as "baggage" was BM not SD. She was always hanging around but DH knew if he wanted to be with me things would need to change and they did. SD was never an issue it was her mother and her shenanigans 

codysara
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2014 at 8:09 PM
But technically speaking, if there was no kid there would be no BM baggage to deal with. So yes by no fault of the child, the child does bring baggage.

Quoting CFSTBSM27:

The only thing I saw as "baggage" was BM not SD. She was always hanging around but DH knew if he wanted to be with me things would need to change and they did. SD was never an issue it was her mother and her shenanigans 

Doodle39
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2014 at 8:28 PM

I don't think kids are or should be refered to in that way.  However, I do think some of the continuing drama with an ex can be considered as baggage.  

Doodle39
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2014 at 8:32 PM

I suppose, but there are plenty of families that manage to co-parent drama free.  In those cases, I wouldn't see it as baggage.  

Quoting codysara: But technically speaking, if there was no kid there would be no BM baggage to deal with. So yes by no fault of the child, the child does bring baggage.
Quoting CFSTBSM27:

The only thing I saw as "baggage" was BM not SD. She was always hanging around but DH knew if he wanted to be with me things would need to change and they did. SD was never an issue it was her mother and her shenanigans 


codysara
by Bronze Member on May. 30, 2014 at 8:35 PM
1 mom liked this
Me and my ex co parent very well. So my SO doesn't think my kids are baggage. Financially they are a drain cause they eat sooo much. But he apologizes to me all the time for the bs I have to put up with for my SS and his BM

Quoting Doodle39:

I suppose, but there are plenty of families that manage to coparent drama free.  In those cases I wouldnt see it as baggage.  

Quoting codysara: But technically speaking, if there was no kid there would be no BM baggage to deal with. So yes by no fault of the child, the child does bring baggage.

Quoting CFSTBSM27:

The only thing I saw as "baggage" was BM not SD. She was always hanging around but DH knew if he wanted to be with me things would need to change and they did. SD was never an issue it was her mother and her shenanigans 

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