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False abuse allegations and change in custody

Posted by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:12 PM
  • 20 Replies

I am writing this post for a couple reasons 1) to update and thank CM women for your help for support,  because I do not know anyone that has gone through something like this before, you all have been a huge help to me - and 2) because I was unable to find similar situations in my google searches. 

Background:

 I am a BM of one ds10 and one ss5.  BM has/had sole custody of SS; Dh had 40% visitation.  Bm is currently on 60mg methadone daily and has failed 2/3 drug tests for opiates in four months.  In December 2013, Bm began making false abuse allegations against DH; saying that he harms ss.  Bm has coached ss to lie.  There have been 4 calls to CPS (3 investigations) and roughly 3 visits/calls to police.  All investigations have been found unfounded, have stated that it is clear that BM is coaching ss and CPS has even stated they are in support of a custody change.  DH filled for custody in January 2014 during the first investigation.  Since then BM received a warrant for her arrest for harassing her boyfriend's work place, has failed drug tests, and has been evicted from her apartment.  County prosecutor is working on charging Bm with ‘making false reports' which is a four year felony. 

 Recommendation for FOC:

 Full physical and legal custody to DH.  Supervised visits only to BM.  If Dh doesn't agree with a family member, visits are to be done by court services.  No overnight visits with BM.  Full psyc eval and drug addiction eval for BM, and she must follow recommendations by doctors.  Custody can/will be evaluated in one year.

 

Bm can accept or deny recommendations, or request a settlement.  We except she will deny.  Then they will go in front of judge for final say.  DH said BM did not look good last pick up.  Her eyes were sunk in, she was frail looking, no makeup, etc.  I am praying this news does not break her but motivates her to get help.  We know it will be hard on SS too.  Dh has talked about counseling, and plans on getting him started with that as soon as the order is signed by the judge. 

 Thanks for reading my story....

 

 Original Post:

 http://www.cafemom.com/group/114270/forums/read/19847232/Custody_how_long_update

 

by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:29 PM
1 mom liked this
I have a few questions for you regarding the claims against you and the investigations in your house.

How did that make you feel? Even though you knew you were innocent, were you scared? Did you feel angry that she would make these accusations? Did the investigations effect the other children in the house?

I'm asking because a few day ago we had a post about an SM that sparked an investigation into BM's house. A handful of people said that BM shouldn't be angry that she was being investigated. The idea was that BM's anger was a sign that she was guilty of something. I just wondered how someone that went through an investigation based on a false allegation, felt. Were you angry, or did you welcome the investigation because you knew you were innocent?
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:34 PM

OP, has your attorney talked at all about an option for an emergency hearing to determine temporary custody until everything else is sorted out?  It seems to me that if she's having other legal issues, there needs to be a plan of action in place in the event she is picked up. I'm not an attorney though and I don't know what the process is.

Is the recommendation you posted 100% coming from FOC or did you guys put a few stipulations in there too?  It just seems odd to me that they'd make a recommendation of supervised visits yet allow the child to remain in that home until the court makes a decision.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 2:36 PM

Good luck to your family.  Is SS with DH and you full time now?  My DH has full physical and legal too, has for the past 7 years, BM never did get a regular visitation (only 1 wk a year) so SKs are with us all the time.  It may take SS a while to adjust.

mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 3:13 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm going to reply to your comment by adding my thoughts.  Sorry they are so long. :

I just wondered how someone that went through an investigation based on a false allegation, felt. Were you angry, or did you welcome the investigation because you knew you were innocent?  (this was your last q but I want to answer it first).  We welcomed the investigation itself.  We were helpful and responsive to case workers.  We provided everything they asked for.  Doing so helped our case greatly!  I think our workers were angels.  They were just doing their job but ended up helping us more then we ever could have do for ourselves.  Dh needed their finds to get custody. 

How did that make you feel? These alligations have made up 8 months of the first year of my marriage.  I have many up and down feelings of hurt, fear, and anger.  I love my husband and wanted to help him throught this situation as much as a could.  I can to CM and had to learn to balance my feelings (or I was going to have a nervious back down lol).

Even though you knew you were innocent, were you scared?   The allegations were made against my DH.  And I read allot of stories online about how women got away with making claims like this against men, and getting away with it.  Yes, it is scary!  I was very scared for him.  Claims like this could ruin peoples lives (if the accuser get away with it)!!!  A few things happened to make me/us feel better 1) CPS case worker saw straight though Bm 2) ss made comments, on record to CPS, such as 'momma told me to tell you that daddy hurts me" 3) she sent threatening text messages

Did you feel angry that she would make these accusations? Bm is no longer welcome in my home for any reason and I can't even look at her.  Yes, I'm angry.  I think I have a right to be.  However, I am a big enough person to evenually forgive her.  I also feel sorry for her.  She undoubably hurting over loosing custudy.   She is an addict and needs help (period). 

Did the investigations effect the other children in the house?  My frustrations root from what this has done to our children.  I have been open and honest with ds10 about everything and he has handled it well but I wish he hadnt had to go through it at all.  SS will need serious counseling to recover. 

I'm asking because a few day ago we had a post about an SM that sparked an investigation into BM's house. A handful of people said that BM shouldn't be angry that she was being investigated. The idea was that BM's anger was a sign that she was guilty of something.

Interesting..... I have been on here in a week or two so I missed that one. I may try to find it later tonight when I have more time. Comments in red: this comment comes from ignorance.  Being acused of hurting your own child and going through multiple investigation is something I would not wish on anyone.  My husband is greatful for a wonderful employer.  He was on the phone os much and has missed alot of work.  Someone else could have easily lost their job.  Our relationship was very much tested as well.  I want to say though that I am a religous person and believe that everything happens for a reason.  In our case, I believe that ss needed to change enviernments to become the man he needs to be later in life. 

mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 3:47 PM

 Do you remember the title of the post?

Quoting progressandjoy: I have a few questions for you regarding the claims against you and the investigations in your house. How did that make you feel? Even though you knew you were innocent, were you scared? Did you feel angry that she would make these accusations? Did the investigations effect the other children in the house? I'm asking because a few day ago we had a post about an SM that sparked an investigation into BM's house. A handful of people said that BM shouldn't be angry that she was being investigated. The idea was that BM's anger was a sign that she was guilty of something. I just wondered how someone that went through an investigation based on a false allegation, felt. Were you angry, or did you welcome the investigation because you knew you were innocent?

 

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 4:40 PM
1 mom liked this
Was I out of line.... That's the name of the post

Quoting mrsd2013:

 Do you remember the title of the post?


Quoting progressandjoy: I have a few questions for you regarding the claims against you and the investigations in your house. How did that make you feel? Even though you knew you were innocent, were you scared? Did you feel angry that she would make these accusations? Did the investigations effect the other children in the house? I'm asking because a few day ago we had a post about an SM that sparked an investigation into BM's house. A handful of people said that BM shouldn't be angry that she was being investigated. The idea was that BM's anger was a sign that she was guilty of something. I just wondered how someone that went through an investigation based on a false allegation, felt. Were you angry, or did you welcome the investigation because you knew you were innocent?

 

mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 5:51 PM
Dh just spoke to his lawyer. Court said they are going to try to get bm to sign recommendation and give SS to dh on June 11 when they go for child support hearing. If she doesn't, there is an emergency hearing scheduled for June 16th. Thank you!!

Quoting Birdseed:

OP, has your attorney talked at all about an option for an emergency hearing to determine temporary custody until everything else is sorted out?  It seems to me that if she's having other legal issues, there needs to be a plan of action in place in the event she is picked up. I'm not an attorney though and I don't know what the process is.

Is the recommendation you posted 100% coming from FOC or did you guys put a few stipulations in there too?  It just seems odd to me that they'd make a recommendation of supervised visits yet allow the child to remain in that home until the court makes a decision.

QX56momma
by Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 8:56 PM

DH and I too have had 3 false (unfounded) CPS cases initiated by BM.  I was FURIOUS and scared with all of them.  My anger was because I have BK's of my own and it brought my children into it as well, I felt my parenting was being challenged when I raise another woman TWO children.  Scared because for one I'm military and two, I have a TS security clearance and this has to be reported to the security managers.  But to top it off I was angry because there are children out there that are really being hurt and to waste the states time when they can be helping children that are really in need disgusts me.

Quoting progressandjoy: I have a few questions for you regarding the claims against you and the investigations in your house. How did that make you feel? Even though you knew you were innocent, were you scared? Did you feel angry that she would make these accusations? Did the investigations effect the other children in the house? I'm asking because a few day ago we had a post about an SM that sparked an investigation into BM's house. A handful of people said that BM shouldn't be angry that she was being investigated. The idea was that BM's anger was a sign that she was guilty of something. I just wondered how someone that went through an investigation based on a false allegation, felt. Were you angry, or did you welcome the investigation because you knew you were innocent?

 

mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on Jun. 2, 2014 at 10:09 PM
I'm sorry you went through this too! I was quoted saying 'what bm is putting these children through is disgusting!' To our case worker. The word disgusting sums up false allegations very well.

How did everything end up for you? They were unfounded but did you, your job, etc suffer from the allegations?


Quoting QX56momma:

DH and I too have had 3 false (unfounded) CPS cases initiated by BM.  I was FURIOUS and scared with all of them.  My anger was because I have BK's of my own and it brought my children into it as well, I felt my parenting was being challenged when I raise another woman TWO children.  Scared because for one I'm military and two, I have a TS security clearance and this has to be reported to the security managers.  But to top it off I was angry because there are children out there that are really being hurt and to waste the states time when they can be helping children that are really in need disgusts me.


Quoting progressandjoy: I have a few questions for you regarding the claims against you and the investigations in your house. How did that make you feel? Even though you knew you were innocent, were you scared? Did you feel angry that she would make these accusations? Did the investigations effect the other children in the house? I'm asking because a few day ago we had a post about an SM that sparked an investigation into BM's house. A handful of people said that BM shouldn't be angry that she was being investigated. The idea was that BM's anger was a sign that she was guilty of something. I just wondered how someone that went through an investigation based on a false allegation, felt. Were you angry, or did you welcome the investigation because you knew you were innocent?

 

QX56momma
by Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 11:39 AM

My job knows that she is bat sh$1 crazy and have my back because we have always came to them before anything has happened, which makes a big difference.  And I am pretty high ranking so that helps with dealing with these types of situations, if I was just coming in she would have tarnished me for sure.  It's hurtful especially when you are doing your best for people that have no blood relation to you and because you fell in love with their father you are in the line of fire.  DH just left for Korea where he will be for a year, I have the kids and they go for the summer so I am bracing myself for impact.  It's a shame when you don't trust BM with her own kids. 

Quoting mrsd2013: I'm sorry you went through this too! I was quoted saying 'what bm is putting these children through is disgusting!' To our case worker. The word disgusting sums up false allegations very well. How did everything end up for you? They were unfounded but did you, your job, etc suffer from the allegations?
Quoting QX56momma:

DH and I too have had 3 false (unfounded) CPS cases initiated by BM.  I was FURIOUS and scared with all of them.  My anger was because I have BK's of my own and it brought my children into it as well, I felt my parenting was being challenged when I raise another woman TWO children.  Scared because for one I'm military and two, I have a TS security clearance and this has to be reported to the security managers.  But to top it off I was angry because there are children out there that are really being hurt and to waste the states time when they can be helping children that are really in need disgusts me.

Quoting progressandjoy: I have a few questions for you regarding the claims against you and the investigations in your house. How did that make you feel? Even though you knew you were innocent, were you scared? Did you feel angry that she would make these accusations? Did the investigations effect the other children in the house? I'm asking because a few day ago we had a post about an SM that sparked an investigation into BM's house. A handful of people said that BM shouldn't be angry that she was being investigated. The idea was that BM's anger was a sign that she was guilty of something. I just wondered how someone that went through an investigation based on a false allegation, felt. Were you angry, or did you welcome the investigation because you knew you were innocent?

 

 

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