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Small update

Posted by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 11:07 PM
  • 5 Replies

Not sure if you gals remember, but I was having some issues with DH and the advice I got was to back up a bit and not offer my opinion so much etc...

Well I talked to DH and told him that I wouldn't be as involved with decision making about His kiddos. He didn't like that. I told him that I felt often times that He used me getting upset as an excuse and that he really needed to do what was best for his kids in his opinion, barring of course huge differences in opinions, as we try to run our house consistently for all the kids.
He wasn't happy, told me that I wasn't being a part of the family etc....

I explained that it was causing a big issue in our marriage and until we could get into counceling I was going to back off on certain things. The "problem" was that I was scaring him into parenting a certain way (haha yes i'm so scarey...) so I was going to simply stop.

So far it's been interesting. I've had surges of anxiety, feeling like things wont get taken care of and they will be a problem later etc....but I am working at sticking to this. Over all there is less stress, I feel like i'm "off the hook" and that I'm removing myself from being used by DH and BM as a point of animosity...

Today I brought up that SD lied to me before she left to go back to BMs on friday...nothing major, just about putting laundry away etc. It hurt my feelings...But my DH response was that was normal and I didn't seem to care when MY son fibbed about things....Right then I knew it was "bullshit". So I said nevermind, and dropped it...
Letting go in general is really hard for me, letting go of parenting is turning out to be hard for me...I try to believe and remind myself that how SD and SS turn out really isn't on my head. I can always be a good and loving influence, but my "power" is very very limited.

Now I just am going to sit back and see what happens.

Also, my childsupport has gone towards things my son has asked me for instead of bills or all kids needs etc...I feel like a better mom doing that. 

by on Jun. 2, 2014 at 11:07 PM
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Replies (1-5):
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Jun. 3, 2014 at 9:00 AM
What are you hoping will happen?
by on Jun. 3, 2014 at 11:25 AM
1 mom liked this

 Sounds good so far!  I sometimes have to say in my head "Stay out of it, stay out of it" when I'm witnessing something or hearing about something SK related that should just be handled by DH.  DH lets his kids argue back to him while I don't allow that.  If I ask my kids to do something, there is no discussion.  But, that is the way he wants to do it (or he is not thinking of what he is doing and this is natural).  Anyway, I "Stay out of it".  Helps me a lot!

by Ruby Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 2:04 PM
1 mom liked this

 SO seems to get annoyed when he tells ss6 to do something and ss6 gives him lip and i say "listen to your dad!" i usually dont but if he gets really awful i admit i still occasionally do it. SO is very sensitive that ppl think hes not a good dad. hes not perfect but he tries. i am not perfect either though lol. and my ds16 is the king of sassy mouth. but, he wasnt at 6. i just fear when ss6 is 16 he will be an even huger turd than ds16! lol

by on Jun. 3, 2014 at 3:52 PM
Less stress between dh and I. To not be a "scapegoat" for his decisions....
Beyond that I'm not sure.

What I did before wasn't working for our family, I'm just learning as I go now.

Quoting WickedPissah: What are you hoping will happen?
by Silver Member on Jun. 3, 2014 at 5:05 PM
Sometimes if a situation isn't working you completely back off and you find that it works great. Other times you find its better, but still not the right fit. If that turns out to be the case slowly add yourself back in until you find the balance. Sounds to me though with your DH's attitude it's probably best of you stay way, way, way away from all things regarding his kids.
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