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I Don't Understand Why The Anger

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:31 PM
  • 133 Replies

I really don't understand why SMs and BMs tend to have such hostile relationships.  Is it because SM is the one BMs baby's dad is now screwing?  Is it because SM resents that her man has all the baggage of kids with an ex?  I really don't understand.  My oldest daughter's dad's first girlfriend after we broke up was a rotten bitch!!!  She would stir up shit every time him and I were getting along.  Was she trying to get me out of the picture?  She even encouraged him to get an under the table job so he could avoid child support!!  What the fuck is that shit?!  His wife now is pretty cool.  We get along well.  I like that.  I never have and never will understand all this cattiness...

by on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:36 PM
4 moms liked this

It's usually because SM is overstepping and BM wants to protect her kids.

Singlemama52
by Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:38 PM
My sons SM stirs the pot when things are going well. It never fails. I have however stopped responding and the situations are getting better because I don't feed the shark.
cakklove
by Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:40 PM

I never had that problem luckily.  DDs dad lives a few states away though.  She doesn't visit either but it's not a hostile situation.  Her dad and I get along great.  What do you mean by overstepping?  Some may consider my DH to be overstepping but considering her father lives so far away and she is still very young, I suppose it's different.  He supports her financially and emotionally.  He is the only dad of hers that is able to go to her recitals and take her out for ice cream and things like that.  

Quoting whatIknownow:

It's usually because SM is overstepping and BM wants to protect her kids.


cakklove
by Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:41 PM

I've dealth with that and it was just confusing.  Like I seriously just don't comprehend why people want to act like that.  She used to get me so riled up and pissed off.  I'm glad they broke up.  Bitch was crazy!

Quoting Singlemama52: My sons SM stirs the pot when things are going well. It never fails. I have however stopped responding and the situations are getting better because I don't feed the shark.


KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:41 PM
5 moms liked this

I think it's usually because there is already a dynamic in place between Mom and Dad and often SMs want to change that dynamic.  They think they should be included in things where they aren't needed, they think their opinions should matter when they don't, and they seem to want to come in guns blazing instead of just coming onto the scene and trying to blend in. 

Happily Married | BM to DD14  DD14  DD12 | Mom to DS8 & DS4 | CP | Not a SM

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:42 PM

I"m basing this on the posts that I read. Many times, the SM uses the kids as a means of claiming her territory (the man).  Moms tend to react defensively, to protect their children from being used as pawns.

I don't know anything about your own situation. I was replying to your blanket statement in your post, "why SMs and BMs tend to have such hostile relationships."

Quoting cakklove:

I never had that problem luckily.  DDs dad lives a few states away though.  She doesn't visit either but it's not a hostile situation.  Her dad and I get along great.  What do you mean by overstepping?  Some may consider my DH to be overstepping but considering her father lives so far away and she is still very young, I suppose it's different.  He supports her financially and emotionally.  He is the only dad of hers that is able to go to her recitals and take her out for ice cream and things like that.  

Quoting whatIknownow:

It's usually because SM is overstepping and BM wants to protect her kids.



cakklove
by Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:44 PM
3 moms liked this

Guys don't seem to do this.  When I told DDs dad that I was getting married and that DD was going to have another dad, they drank some beers together one night and called it good.  I don't understand the need to be catty that some women have.

Quoting KnowItAll:

I think it's usually because there is already a dynamic in place between Mom and Dad and often SMs want to change that dynamic.  They think they should be included in things where they aren't needed, they think their opinions should matter when they don't, and they seem to want to come in guns blazing instead of just coming onto the scene and trying to blend in. 


Sevendayshappy
by Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:45 PM

How does that old saying go?....she doesn't want him but she doesn't want anyone to have him either...that may be part of it...

and some of it may be that who wants another woman around your kids....I really don't know...I am a mom and a step mom.....I am married to the father of my children...but as a mom I don't know what it's like to have another woman around my children with my husband....but I am sure as a mom it can be something as a mom I wouldn't necessarily like and would want to make sure my children were safe and taken care of...so maybe that's part of it for the BM's out there as well...they are perceived as being a pain in the ass to a SM but truly they are just looking out for their children...

XXanonymousXX
by Bronze Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:45 PM
5 moms liked this
I doubt it's usually any one side, BM or SM.

My opinion is many times it stems from insecurity and jealousy on both sides. SM sees BM as the woman DH used to screw and had a family with and BM sees SM as the woman ExH is now screwing who is also building a family with him and her kids.

Just my opinion.

Quoting whatIknownow:

It's usually because SM is overstepping and BM wants to protect her kids.

cakklove
by Member on Jun. 4, 2014 at 8:45 PM

? I wasn't objecting or disagreeing with anything you said.  Just comparing the differences between men and women and how they act in this situation.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I"m basing this on the posts that I read. Many times, the SM uses the kids as a means of claiming her territory (the man).  Moms tend to react defensively, to protect their children from being used as pawns.

I don't know anything about your own situation. I was replying to your blanket statement in your post, "why SMs and BMs tend to have such hostile relationships."

Quoting cakklove:

I never had that problem luckily.  DDs dad lives a few states away though.  She doesn't visit either but it's not a hostile situation.  Her dad and I get along great.  What do you mean by overstepping?  Some may consider my DH to be overstepping but considering her father lives so far away and she is still very young, I suppose it's different.  He supports her financially and emotionally.  He is the only dad of hers that is able to go to her recitals and take her out for ice cream and things like that.  

Quoting whatIknownow:

It's usually because SM is overstepping and BM wants to protect her kids.




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