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SD's Drama and Cell Phone

Posted by on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:05 AM
  • 32 Replies

So, my 18 y/o SD's ex-boyfriend has broken up with her twice.  After the second time, we found out he had been cheating on her with one of their mutual friends.  This was a few months ago.  They have been broken up since then.  SD seems to have moved on (after many tears and long conversations) and has never been happier. She's been talking to a few different boys, but nothing serious - which we think is great!   Her and her ex were together for 2 years.  So, last night DH found out that SD has just started seeing him again.  He was very angry and blocked his cell number on her cell phone.  SD is furious.  We pay the cell bill.  Do you think what he did was wrong? 

by on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:08 AM

Yes, I think what he did was wrong. She's 18 years old. Let her handle this herself.

veggiemom474
by Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:09 AM

Yes, she is 18. That's a huge invasion of her privacy. I know he's trying to protect her, but at 18 she has to learn those lessons on her own. It's the only way she'll grow. Just because he pays her cell bill does not give him the right to moniter and control who she dates.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:20 AM

Yes, it was wrong.  At 18 she gets to make these choices on her own.  Dad can choose to not pay her cell phone anymore and make her do it, but that won't make her stop talking to the guy.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:30 AM

Wrong?  Right?  Who cares.

Ineffective and damaging to his relationship with his baby adult daughter.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:34 AM
1 mom liked this

You know, that's a good point. In most of these step-situations, right/wrong doesn't matter. What really matters is effective/ineffective, and productive/damaging.

Quoting pdxmum:

Wrong?  Right?  Who cares.

Ineffective and damaging to his relationship with his baby adult daughter.


tbanana
by Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:43 AM

 Thanks!  I'm staying out of it, but wanted to see what everyone thought.  What do you think would be a productive and effective way to handle it?  He mentioned turning her phone off and telling her she has to pay the bill herself.  He even told her he may take her car if she gets back together with him.  I have been staying out of it completely, as I think I should.   I'm not really sure if I should give him advice or what I would even say.  I'm trying to let him handle it, but I think he's trying to be protective dad and going a bit overboard.  He is mad because this boy really mistreated her and she spent weeks on our couch crying her eyes out.  I feel for both of them.

Quoting whatIknownow:

You know, that's a good point. In most of these step-situations, right/wrong doesn't matter. What really matters is effective/ineffective, and productive/damaging.

Quoting pdxmum:

Wrong?  Right?  Who cares.

Ineffective and damaging to his relationship with his baby adult daughter.

 

 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:46 AM

effective and productive would be to let her talk to the boyfriend, and come to her own conclusion about his worthiness.  They broke up once, they will probably break up again. She needs to complete this cycle, or she will always wonder, what could have been.

Quoting tbanana:

 Thanks!  I'm staying out of it, but wanted to see what everyone thought.  What do you think would be a productive and effective way to handle it?  He mentioned turning her phone off and telling her she has to pay the bill herself.  He even told her he may take her car if she gets back together with him.  I have been staying out of it completely, as I think I should.   I'm not really sure if I should give him advice or what I would even say.  I'm trying to let him handle it, but I think he's trying to be protective dad and going a bit overboard.  He is mad because this boy really mistreated her and she spent weeks on our couch crying her eyes out.  I feel for both of them.

Quoting whatIknownow:

You know, that's a good point. In most of these step-situations, right/wrong doesn't matter. What really matters is effective/ineffective, and productive/damaging.

Quoting pdxmum:

Wrong?  Right?  Who cares.

Ineffective and damaging to his relationship with his baby adult daughter.




stepdiva
by Silver Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:52 AM
Yes I do. She is 18.
Just as an aside, can you take her aside and tell her that if bf did it once, the chances are he will do it again? Female to female??? Without being too judge mental toward the bf? Poor kid.
Daddy has no business doing that regardless.
Princesitamoni
by on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:55 AM
Shes 18. Daddy needs to let her make her own mistakes and learn from them. He cant baby her forever.
Leigh84
by Silver Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 10:56 AM
Yes, she's 18 she's going to do things you guys don't approve of. I really feel there needs to be a balance of expressing why you two don't care for him but at the same time w/o forcing it on her.
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