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Tell me about your CO (for a teenager)

Posted by on Jun. 6, 2014 at 4:21 PM
  • 18 Replies

The way the CO is worded right now, BM can choose to either get kids EOWE (standard visitation, basically) or one weekend a month. If she chooses the one weekend a month then she only has to give 14 days notice of when she wants the kids then show up and take them.

This is relatively fine right now. OSS is going into 6th grade so there are no school things that affected by this. However, next year OSS will be entering middle school.

If OSS chooses to do any kind of sports, they will be his P.E. class. He will be required to attend games and practices in order to pass the class. If he doesn't go to these because BM shows up out of the blue with her 14 day notice then he could fail his P.E. class. He has shown a lot of interest in football and we would love to encourage him but don't want him to end up failing.

DH will be going to court for CO modification soon and I'd like to know how other people have handled this.

by on Jun. 6, 2014 at 4:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 4:56 PM

Has he asked BM how she wants to handle this?

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 4:57 PM

My CO has not changed in 8 years.  DDs are now 17 and 20.  EOWE with BF.  All that changes is where they live, not what they do.

andie646c
by Silver Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 5:12 PM

BM has asked for 50/50 custody. She lives 6 hours away and has said she has no plans of ever moving back. DH has said no as there is no way 50/50 would work with school.

Quoting pdxmum:

Has he asked BM how she wants to handle this?


andie646c
by Silver Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 5:15 PM

Since DH is in court anyway, might as well address this issue before it becomes an issue, right? Instead of spending another $2000 in a year to have it addressed then?

Quoting pdxmum:

My CO has not changed in 8 years.  DDs are now 17 and 20.  EOWE with BF.  All that changes is where they live, not what they do.


pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 5:20 PM

I guess.  But why is he in court?  The parents live 6 hours away from each other.  Is it even a possibility they could make 50/50 work?  

What happens now?  Does BM drive 6 hours, p/u skid, drive back...  Or does she stay in town?

what does your DH want the CO to look like?  If the kid can never miss a weekend event, when does he see his mom?

Quoting andie646c:

Since DH is in court anyway, might as well address this issue before it becomes an issue, right? Instead of spending another $2000 in a year to have it addressed then?

Quoting pdxmum:

My CO has not changed in 8 years.  DDs are now 17 and 20.  EOWE with BF.  All that changes is where they live, not what they do.



Lisette1528
by Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 5:30 PM

DH's CO stated that school activities and scheduled extracurriculars (such as sports, scouts, etc) take precedence over BM's visitation.  He had that included in the CO when DSS was 2, long before school and activities started.

andie646c
by Silver Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 5:35 PM

That's the point, 50/50 couldn't work because of the distance. Neither he, nor I, can think of any way that would work for either child. Not with school, not with friends, not with forming any meaningful relationship outside of parents.

What happens now? Nothing happens now. In the past 2 months she has seen them once. She came to town, stayed in a hotel room with them for about 24 hours, then brought them back. Before she moved she saw them less than 24 hours a month, her choice.

I don't think BM will change, I don't think she is going to actually take her visitation, regardless of what's in the CO. The fact that she CAN though is bothersome. DH (and I) mostly just want the CO to reflect the fact that SS can't miss those things, in case she decides to actually see her kids.

ETA: He is in court because it is the final hearing for their CO.

Quoting pdxmum:

I guess.  But why is he in court?  The parents live 6 hours away from each other.  Is it even a possibility they could make 50/50 work?  

What happens now?  Does BM drive 6 hours, p/u skid, drive back...  Or does she stay in town?

what does your DH want the CO to look like?  If the kid can never miss a weekend event, when does he see his mom?

Quoting andie646c:

Since DH is in court anyway, might as well address this issue before it becomes an issue, right? Instead of spending another $2000 in a year to have it addressed then?

Quoting pdxmum:

My CO has not changed in 8 years.  DDs are now 17 and 20.  EOWE with BF.  All that changes is where they live, not what they do.




andie646c
by Silver Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 5:41 PM

Obviously when having my sons CO done I did not think very far in advanced, lol. At that age I was mostly worried about transitioning visitation. At 6 months we had a transitional CO that went gradually from 4 hours EOWE to standard visitation (at age 3). Didn't even think to worry about EC's. I guess DH didn't either ... since it's just coming up as an issue now.

Quoting Lisette1528:

DH's CO stated that school activities and scheduled extracurriculars (such as sports, scouts, etc) take precedence over BM's visitation.  He had that included in the CO when DSS was 2, long before school and activities started.


sara82lee
by Bronze Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 7:50 PM
BM has eow. She is required to let dh transport sd (12) to any and all extracurriculars that occur on her time... and she doesn't have to approve of sd taking on a new activity in advance.

The judge was hesitant to make an order like this. She said she doesn't like them. But the gal persuaded the judge to do it basically because bm was such a pita from his perspective.
andie646c
by Silver Member on Jun. 6, 2014 at 7:55 PM

How would that work for ya'll if BM were long distance?

Say, it's a 3 day weekend (Friday to Sunday) and BM were to drive 6 hours to pick up SD then drive 6 hours home and her EC is on Saturday. Would she have to bring SD back to your town or would your DH have to drive the 6 hours to get her and 6 hours back?

Or does this only work because BM is close by?

Quoting sara82lee: BM has eow. She is required to let dh transport sd (12) to any and all extracurriculars that occur on her time... and she doesn't have to approve of sd taking on a new activity in advance. The judge was hesitant to make an order like this. She said she doesn't like them. But the gal persuaded the judge to do it basically because bm was such a pita from his perspective.


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