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Is this Valid?

Posted by on Jun. 11, 2014 at 5:48 PM
  • 114 Replies

Is it valid that I would like to have the Skids here?

BM is asking DH for more time during her visits: I.E: She would like to keep them from her Fridays to her Wednesday instead of just the weekend, like what the order says. Does that make sense, so then it's pretty much 1 week on and 1 week off, which DH already said he was no okay with, but her argument is "Well you're (dh) not home during the day anyway" For me, it's like, I'd like to hang out with the kids, and my girls like hanging out with their brothers. 

What are peoples' opinions of this?

BTW: Yes I know each situation is different, and it boils down to what's right for us, yada yada yada ;-) I'm just looking to see what peoples' experiences are and what their opinions are. Thanks!

by on Jun. 11, 2014 at 5:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 5:59 PM
Why not give it a shot and see how it works out... My ex and I kind of implemented the same schedule while my dd was in preschool this year due to transportation but it seems to be working out
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:01 PM

I think it's reasonable to be flexible and veer away from the CO if both parties agree--especially in the summer--if it's going to allow the other parent to spend more time with the child. Is BM going to be home during the day?  If so, it seems like a very reasonable plan.

If Mom is NOT going to be home, then what's the daycare plan?  Seems to me that if she wanted to pick them up after work for dinner or something that would be great but I'm not sure I'd make an official switch.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:11 PM
1 mom liked this

well you can want all you want but no a SP should not trump a parent if a parent is avail.

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:18 PM

i think it should be 50/50 i have week on week off with my ex.  yes the kids miss each other when they are gone but that part of being a seperated family.  Seems selfish not to want the kids to see bm equally.  What are the reasons other then you  want them there?  Did she do something to only get weekends?  does CO say weekends or f-wed and she is only currently taking weekends

lovelymomma87
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:22 PM

Well, the boys are 11 and 13 and they have appointments and activities and friends at their Dad's and BM will not take away from "her time" to take them to the things they need to go to. We also, the two houses aren't in the same community, so that seems like a ridiculous schedule for this situation, where's the consistency, you know?

Quoting amantonacci: Why not give it a shot and see how it works out... My ex and I kind of implemented the same schedule while my dd was in preschool this year due to transportation but it seems to be working out


lovelymomma87
by Bronze Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:24 PM

So, you think the kids should be at their BM house when DH isn't home? I shouldn't be with them?

Quoting soonergirl980:

well you can want all you want but no a SP should not trump a parent if a parent is avail.


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:27 PM
2 moms liked this

I think it's more important for the kids to be with their mother, than a care giver. Don't you?

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:30 PM

I think being with their mother is very important, the additional time would be good for the mother/child relationship, the current schedule is far from ideal.

Quoting lovelymomma87:

So, you think the kids should be at their BM house when DH isn't home? I shouldn't be with them?

Quoting soonergirl980:

well you can want all you want but no a SP should not trump a parent if a parent is avail.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:30 PM
Well obviously her and your dh would have to talk about that... I don't think it's a bad idea

Quoting lovelymomma87:

Well, the boys are 11 and 13 and they have appointments and activities and friends at their Dad's and BM will not take away from "her time" to take them to the things they need to go to. We also, the two houses aren't in the same community, so that seems like a ridiculous schedule for this situation, where's the consistency, you know?

Quoting amantonacci: Why not give it a shot and see how it works out... My ex and I kind of implemented the same schedule while my dd was in preschool this year due to transportation but it seems to be working out

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jun. 11, 2014 at 6:32 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, you're adding in additional details as you go along here.  First you said that you wanted to be with them.  Then you said they have scheduled activities and BM won't take them.

1) Is BM going to be home with them?

2) Has anyone ASKED BM if she'll get them to their already scheduled activities?

I do think that if DH isn't home and BM is available to spend time with the kids she should be able to.  It's not that you "shouldn't be with them" it's that you're not their parent and if a parent is available and wants to spend time, I think that should take priority--and in many CO's it does.  That's what ROFR is for.


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