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**update**. "it's my right.. They are my kids!"

Posted by on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:37 PM
  • 84 Replies
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Update at bottom:

As far as respecting BM for her role as mother, yes I do. Any other type of respect for that woman has been lost! After a long time of high conflict exchanges (especially after DH and I built a new home, we decided to eliminate her jealous fits and inappropriate behavior where we feel trapped and are unable to get her to leave (ultimately needing to stop the drama in front of kids!) and get kids away from situation when she gets out of place. Now she refuses to cooperate with this and is demanding it is her right to come to our home in spite of our telling her she is unwelcome and unwanted here! I understand she will be breaking the law if she comes here. However, what do u do? The kids will see all that happens. She has violated us and our home so much, I can't take it anymore! She is seriously not welcome here! Her threats and her buying has to stop! What do u do?

** update**
so after two sleepless nights and much discussion, the ex wife was allowed to drop off at our house! I simply can not believe this. I left while this occurred. For the first time in my life I feel like I can not physically control myself and my words or actions when provoked by such a person. I haven't ever felt that u couldn't keep my composure under immense circumstances, until now.

I've come to realize that my future with DH will be filled with too much anxiety and fear of the next drama from BM. My health and wellbeing has been taking a toll. I have very little hope for this amazing man to break free from her control and my ability to respect him has nearly vanished.

I'm at a huge crossroads. Without her crazy he and I are perfect together! When she is involved, my life is LIVING HELL!
by on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:37 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:40 PM
What does she mean when she says it's her right to come to your home? It's her right to drop the kids at the curb of your home? Come to your door? Come IN your door?

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oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:41 PM
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Pick-ups and Drop-offs simply do not do them at the house. Start being gone and the house being locked and dark for drop offs...reiterate where she can find DH to drop them off to him and as for dropping them off to her again have the kids with DH and no one be home. Repeat as many times as it takes where she can meet DH to get the kids. Over time, this keeps happening, she will learn...
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:44 PM
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Tell the kids that mom isn't allowed in this home. Period. 

My boys know that BF isn't allowed in my home.  They asked why at first.  I simply told them dad wasn't respectful once when he came in, and I wasn't giving him a second chance to be disrespectful in our home.  They understood and haven't asked since. 

If/when BM shows up at your door, you simply don't answer it, or put a security/screen door on it so you can speak to her without opening the door/allowing her in.  Let her know that you'll (DH) send the kids out once she's away from the door. 

SM has never seen my home.  No reason to.  I never saw where BF/SM lived the first 5 years.  I have been to their new home (over an hour away), twice I think.  Both times were group events (family events) that I was invited to as well (so was my mother, we brought XH's mom and gma with us since we all live so close by).  However, I wouldn't dream of going there uninvited.  If I had to go pick up a boy or something, I'd sit in the driveway, call/text that I was there, then wait.  Nope, not going even to the front door without an invite. 

Dewinter
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:45 PM
You have one of two choices. You can continue allowing bm to control your environment, using her kids to do so, or you can follow through and call the authorities and have her removed from your property. Will it cause a little drama yes, it will also teach the kids they have the right to stand up for themselves no matter who it is that is bullying them. My suggestion is to have the court order revised to where you have a designated drop off and pickup area. And if that still doesn't work call the cops have and have her removed.
Good luck
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:45 PM

I like this even better.  Yes.  This. 

Quoting oldproatthis: Pick-ups and Drop-offs simply do not do them at the house. Start being gone and the house being locked and dark for drop offs...reiterate where she can find DH to drop them off to him and as for dropping them off to her again have the kids with DH and no one be home. Repeat as many times as it takes where she can meet DH to get the kids. Over time, this keeps happening, she will learn...


Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:45 PM

You mean she thinks she's got a right to enter your home?!

She can certainly try that one....it may land her in jail slapped with a restraining order though.

Seriously do pu/do somewhere else.

Keep the house locked up at all times.

lonelymoon
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:47 PM
I would always have drop offs and pick ups somewhere other than the home if it is a big problem. As a bm I would hate not knowing where my kid is at, but then againmI'm a good bm that causes no drama. I guess if that doesn't work maybe a restraining order?
luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:47 PM
1 mom liked this
This. I mean unless you have a restraining order you can't stop her from dropping off at the curb but you certainly don't have to let her in and you can probably get an order barring her from being ON the property....

Quoting momof2ex1: What does she mean when she says it's her right to come to your home? It's her right to drop the kids at the curb of your home? Come to your door? Come IN your door?

Dewinter
by Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:49 PM
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If you do end up having removed from your property, tell kids that bm is responsible for her actions just like they are and she has to go by the law just like you do. Bio mom is not allowed on your property and she is the one getting in trouble for doing something illegal.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 13, 2014 at 8:54 PM
1 mom liked this
Kids don't usually see their parents as bullies in the same way that SM and dad see it. Kids may see mom being taken away to jail and that SM put her in jail. Not that sm shouldn't protect her home and her property but I would suggest moving d/o p/u to another location before planning to have mom hauled off to show her kids what a bully she is.

I say this as a mom who had SM arrested. And her little girl is never going to forget seeing her mommy handcuffed, patted down and taken away in a police car. She won't care that her mother attacked me and beat my face in ... I have no connection to that girl - she's not a part of my life. But she is my daughters stepsister and all she knows of me is 'I sent her mom to jail'. Sm has a more vested interest in keeping a good relationship with these kids. They are her stepkids and having a relationship with them I'm sure is important to her.

I would suggest alternatives before jumping to calling the police. Granted - if mom breaks in to the home - moms choice. She broke the law - she goes to jail. I would just think keeping her from the home by changing the location of exchange might be a better first step.

Quoting Dewinter: You have one of two choices. You can continue allowing bm to control your environment, using her kids to do so, or you can follow through and call the authorities and have her removed from your property. Will it cause a little drama yes, it will also teach the kids they have the right to stand up for themselves no matter who it is that is bullying them. My suggestion is to have the court order revised to where you have a designated drop off and pickup area. And if that still doesn't work call the cops have and have her removed.
Good luck
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