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Oldest SS wants to live with us...

Posted by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 1:42 AM
  • 23 Replies
SS will be 14 this month which is of age to decide where he wants to live in our state. I have no problem with this and would honestly love for all the kids to live here but he's the only one that has expressed interest. Unfortunately it would still be up to a judge and considering he has three younger siblings at home with BM I doubt a judge would decide it would be in the best interest to seperate them. :( It breaks my heart to hear him say he wants to be here and plead for us to allow it. I wish it was that simple.
by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 1:42 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:21 AM
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Why does he want to change? Does he realize the changes moving would cause? Such as changing schools? I can understand a child's desire to live with a parent full time that they otherwise only live with part time. I did it and I did move to my dads for a couple of years. Because of my experience, it colors my opinion on the matter. While I do think it was a good way for me to get to know my dad in a way I never really could before; I also recognize, it ended up not being what I expected, it didn't last and it put me in to a position between my parents that neither of them should have allowed me to be.
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whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 7:31 AM
1 mom liked this

In general (disclaimers apply), changing custody at 14 for no significant reason leads to disaster for everyone. I would discourage it, unless there is a really good reason.

MamaBear131716
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 8:37 AM
I believe it's because he feels closer to his dad and he misses him. BM sort of treats him differently and is harder on him than the others so that may have something to do with it. One thing he mentioned last night is he doesn't want to play football anymore but his mom told him if he doesn't she will be dissapointed and he has to reimburse her for the cleats she bought. Dh and his ex have been seperated/divorced for 5 years and the whole time he's asked when he can decide who he wants to live with. The situation is very high conflict and even though dh has joint custody, BM is primary and makes it very difficult to co parent.

Quoting momof2ex1: Why does he want to change? Does he realize the changes moving would cause? Such as changing schools? I can understand a child's desire to live with a parent full time that they otherwise only live with part time. I did it and I did move to my dads for a couple of years. Because of my experience, it colors my opinion on the matter. While I do think it was a good way for me to get to know my dad in a way I never really could before; I also recognize, it ended up not being what I expected, it didn't last and it put me in to a position between my parents that neither of them should have allowed me to be.
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 8:49 AM
I was given the choice at 10 i chose my mom. We saw my dad every weekend and then we moved 3hrs away when i was 13. My dad and i butted heads alot. It was not a healthy father daughter relationship emotionally or physically.

At 14 he knows how he feels and where feels like home. What a great thing for the family to see ss more, what is custody? If one day my kids decide they wanted to stay more with my ex. Id be ok with that.
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 8:51 AM
As far as visitation schedule now? What exactly will he filling for?
MamaBear131716
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 9:06 AM
It's basically 65/35 right now. Every other weekend and one additional overnight a week. Half of summer and breaks.

Quoting venessaw04: As far as visitation schedule now? What exactly will he filling for?
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 9:09 AM
Is that the visitation ss will have with bm if he does get to live with you guys?

Quoting MamaBear131716: It's basically 65/35 right now. Every other weekend and one additional overnight a week. Half of summer and breaks.

Quoting venessaw04: As far as visitation schedule now? What exactly will he filling for?
MamaBear131716
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 9:20 AM
Well we haven't really discussed any details. SS was very upset last night and the issue came up again so dh started considering it. He's always wanted that but didn't think it may be possible.

I guess he could propose a situation where visitation occurs on the opposite week so the kids are together every weekend and if he did a different week day that would mean two days during the week as well. That wouldn't be too bad...only three days during the week they aren't together.

Quoting venessaw04: Is that the visitation ss will have with bm if he does get to live with you guys?

Quoting MamaBear131716: It's basically 65/35 right now. Every other weekend and one additional overnight a week. Half of summer and breaks.

Quoting venessaw04: As far as visitation schedule now? What exactly will he filling for?
sara82lee
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:57 AM
I'd have told him the same thing about football. I don't see a problem with it. If you/dad do, it doesn't surprise me that he wants to live with you. But I think you are going to have a hard time parenting a teen full time with the attitude that that's too hard on him.

Quoting MamaBear131716: I believe it's because he feels closer to his dad and he misses him. BM sort of treats him differently and is harder on him than the others so that may have something to do with it. One thing he mentioned last night is he doesn't want to play football anymore but his mom told him if he doesn't she will be dissapointed and he has to reimburse her for the cleats she bought. Dh and his ex have been seperated/divorced for 5 years and the whole time he's asked when he can decide who he wants to live with. The situation is very high conflict and even though dh has joint custody, BM is primary and makes it very difficult to co parent.

Quoting momof2ex1: Why does he want to change? Does he realize the changes moving would cause? Such as changing schools? I can understand a child's desire to live with a parent full time that they otherwise only live with part time. I did it and I did move to my dads for a couple of years. Because of my experience, it colors my opinion on the matter. While I do think it was a good way for me to get to know my dad in a way I never really could before; I also recognize, it ended up not being what I expected, it didn't last and it put me in to a position between my parents that neither of them should have allowed me to be.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 1:22 PM
Is she harder on him because he is older? The oldest? I have more expectations of my older child than I do of my younger child. As he grows older he will have the same expectations but by that point, my older child will be a grown adult and I imagine out of the house.

It seems that this is a case where he believes the grass is greener at the other home. And I don't think that's a reason to change custody.

Quoting MamaBear131716: I believe it's because he feels closer to his dad and he misses him. BM sort of treats him differently and is harder on him than the others so that may have something to do with it. One thing he mentioned last night is he doesn't want to play football anymore but his mom told him if he doesn't she will be dissapointed and he has to reimburse her for the cleats she bought. Dh and his ex have been seperated/divorced for 5 years and the whole time he's asked when he can decide who he wants to live with. The situation is very high conflict and even though dh has joint custody, BM is primary and makes it very difficult to co parent.

Quoting momof2ex1: Why does he want to change? Does he realize the changes moving would cause? Such as changing schools? I can understand a child's desire to live with a parent full time that they otherwise only live with part time. I did it and I did move to my dads for a couple of years. Because of my experience, it colors my opinion on the matter. While I do think it was a good way for me to get to know my dad in a way I never really could before; I also recognize, it ended up not being what I expected, it didn't last and it put me in to a position between my parents that neither of them should have allowed me to be.
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