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ss driving me and dh apart

Posted by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:04 AM
  • 57 Replies
A little background to the situation.... my dh and me dated for a year in high school and broke up after he moved. 8 years later we reconnected and eventually got married. I brought 2 kids into the marriage and he brought 1. We also have a little boy together who will be 1 in a few days.

My ss lives a few States away so we get him in the summer and he stays with bm during the school year. This is the third summer he has been with us since me and dh got married and it seems to me like every summer gets worse.
He won't mind me or dh when we talk to him and he is obviously jealous of the baby. He constantly says mean things about baby and if we turn our back for a second he has hit and taken things from him. SS is very disrespectful to me and lashes out the second my dh shows me or any of the other 3 kids attention.
With this behavior it makes it hard for me to want to be around ss let alone do things with him as my dh wants me to do. I don't even want to be home with them anymore. I can't even give my dh a hug or kiss without ss screaming and throwing a fit to take dh attention of of me and forget about him spending time or helping with the baby because ss will freak out.

Dh says its no big deal and I should understand that ss is away from him all winter so he needs special attention while he's here in the summer. However I don't think its fair to me and the other kids that we have to be pushed to the side and neglected all summer every summer because ss has jealousy issues. Its even got ton so bad that I have to sleep on the couch so ss can sleep in our bed with dh because that's the only way he will go to bed. We have tried putting him in his own room and shutting the door but he screamed so loud for so long the cops came to our door.

I can't deal with this any longer and if I bring it up to dh he gets mad and says I'm picking on ss. I'm starting to feel like leaving is the only other option. Any advice would be appreciated.
by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:24 AM
How old is this child? He sounds 3 or 4?

How much does your husband spend being a father to his son September to May?
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:25 AM
1 mom liked this
Are you really going to leave your husband that I assume you love and have a baby with over a summer visitation problem?

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bthib3
by Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:40 AM
He is 6. Pretty close to 7.

Quoting momof2ex1: How old is this child? He sounds 3 or 4?

How much does your husband spend being a father to his son September to May?
bthib3
by Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:47 AM
He lives 1000 miles away so we don't see him through the winter. Mainly phone calles ,sending presents. I do understand there is a lot of time they are apart but there is no reason he should be able to act that way and me and our other children are being pushed away because a 6 year old is jealous and wants daddy to himself all the time. I love dh but at the same time I'm not gonna be with a man who let's his child treat me with disrespect and let's him come between us.

Quoting momof2ex1: Are you really going to leave your husband that I assume you love and have a baby with over a summer visitation problem?

CarolynC71
by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:47 AM

First of all your husband needs to sit down and talk to him. He also needs to talk to the bio mom and find out what she knows about this behavior. If I was his father I would tell him he either needs to follow the rules (and I would write them out) or he will be asked to go home. "I love you son but these are the rules. If you choose not to follow them the consequence will be that I may have to send you back home and I don't want to have to do that."

It is possible he may need some counseling. Again husband needs to talk to son and bio mom and find out what going on that is causing this behavior.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:51 AM

He is still so young.  And he has been doing this since he was 4?  I'm sure he hates it in your home for so many reasons.  But especially because his dad's wife is jealous of the attention he gets from his dad.

teri4lance
by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:52 AM
6 moms liked this

he doesn't need special attn. he needs the same attn everyone else gets. your dh is simply perpetuating this behavior. don't let that kid put you out of your bed. if your dh wants to sleep with him, they can both go to the couch. your dh is just trying to abate his own guilt, not help his son.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 2:53 AM
2 moms liked this

Really?  A six year old kid travels away from his mom and everything familiar and whn he won't follow the new rules dad should threaten to send him home?

i am not a counselor but I have some common sense guesses as to why he misbehaves.

Quoting CarolynC71:

First of all your husband needs to sit down and talk to him. He also needs to talk to the bio mom and find out what she knows about this behavior. If I was his father I would tell him he either needs to follow the rules (and I would write them out) or he will be asked to go home. "I love you son but these are the rules. If you choose not to follow them the consequence will be that I may have to send you back home and I don't want to have to do that."

It is possible he may need some counseling. Again husband needs to talk to son and bio mom and find out what going on that is causing this behavior.


CarolynC71
by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 3:00 AM

The fact that he was six years old didn't show up until after I posted my comment.

Or at least I didn't see it until after I posted my comment.


Quoting pdxmum:

Really?  A six year old kid travels away from his mom and everything familiar and whn he won't follow the new rules dad should threaten to send him home?

i am not a counselor but I have some common sense guesses as to why he misbehaves.

Quoting CarolynC71:

First of all your husband needs to sit down and talk to him. He also needs to talk to the bio mom and find out what she knows about this behavior. If I was his father I would tell him he either needs to follow the rules (and I would write them out) or he will be asked to go home. "I love you son but these are the rules. If you choose not to follow them the consequence will be that I may have to send you back home and I don't want to have to do that."

It is possible he may need some counseling. Again husband needs to talk to son and bio mom and find out what going on that is causing this behavior.



whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 7:29 AM

I recommend sending SS to a summer day camp. He will have fun  with other kids his age, and you will be around him less. I also recommend a parenting  class for dad.

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