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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Well, that explains it.

Posted by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:06 PM
  • 10 Replies

 We found out today that BM and her DH have separated. They've been separated for a couple of months now and he's been living somewhere else, according to SS. We weren't aware of this. We found out today when a friend of ours that also knows BM asked us about it so we decided to ask SS if it was true. It was.

  That probably explains SS's behavior for the last few months. He was doing really well, behavior wise, and then out of nowhere his behavior did a 180 and he was back to his old ways, only worse. We tried talking to him about why he was acting up again, but got nowhere with him. It was always "I don't know". We started to question whether it was hormones or not because at almost 11, it could be a likely cause.

 So DH had a talk with SS about it today. He told he understood why he was upset and that he could talk to us about if he wants to. SS really misses his SD (or whatever he's called now). He said before he moved out his Mom and SD fought...a lot. Lots of yelling and screaming (this was backed up by our mutual friend who lives only 2 doors down from them). Poor kids. I can't imagine what he went through. :(

 Has anyone gone through this before? Any advice on how to help SS through this when he's with us?

by on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:12 PM
My friend just went through it with her ds10. His bf got divorced from his second marriage. The kid was my sons best friend before we moved. I spent allot of time with him and they were in the same class. The kid had allot of behavior problems. He didn't act out in aggrevise ways. It was more like he would start crying for small things and was very picky about his food, clothes, etc. I think I was his sense of control.

His mom (my friend) also moved in with her boy friend and had a baby shortly after. Change has been really hard on him.
Sarahb21
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:17 PM

SS has been more agressive. He'll yell easily. He was acting up a lot in school, even got suspended for a couple of days after taking apart all the scissors in class and handing them out to kids (amongst a million other things). He's been telling our kids (his half brothers) that DH and I are going to divorce. It's been frustrating, but now I feel really bad. I know at 10 it's really hard to understand such a dramatic change in your life. BM and SD were together for almost 6 yrs.

Quoting mrsd2013: My friend just went through it with her ds10. His bf got divorced from his second marriage. The kid was my sons best friend before we moved. I spent allot of time with him and they were in the same class. The kid had allot of behavior problems. He didn't act out in aggrevise ways. It was more like he would start crying for small things and was very picky about his food, clothes, etc. I think I was his sense of control. His mom (my friend) also moved in with her boy friend and had a baby shortly after. Change has been really hard on him.


sm1bm3
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:18 PM
I keep my kids in contact with their XSM. That's how I handled the situation. She's a good person to be in their lives and I have never had any problems with her.
mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I think it might be fairly natural (except maybe the scissors thing). He might feel like relationships never last forever. Maybe get him into some counseling? Try getting some books from the library on divorce. I would suggest reading the book before reading it to him though, these kind of books are situational.

Quoting Sarahb21:

SS has been more agressive. He'll yell easily. He was acting up a lot in school, even got suspended for a couple of days after taking apart all the scissors in class and handing them out to kids (amongst a million other things). He's been telling our kids (his half brothers) that DH and I are going to divorce. It's been frustrating, but now I feel really bad. I know at 10 it's really hard to understand such a dramatic change in your life. BM and SD were together for almost 6 yrs.

Quoting mrsd2013: My friend just went through it with her ds10. His bf got divorced from his second marriage. The kid was my sons best friend before we moved. I spent allot of time with him and they were in the same class. The kid had allot of behavior problems. He didn't act out in aggrevise ways. It was more like he would start crying for small things and was very picky about his food, clothes, etc. I think I was his sense of control.

His mom (my friend) also moved in with her boy friend and had a baby shortly after. Change has been really hard on him.

mrsd2013
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:21 PM
And reassure him (only if it's true) that you're in it are the long run.

Quoting Sarahb21:

SS has been more agressive. He'll yell easily. He was acting up a lot in school, even got suspended for a couple of days after taking apart all the scissors in class and handing them out to kids (amongst a million other things). He's been telling our kids (his half brothers) that DH and I are going to divorce. It's been frustrating, but now I feel really bad. I know at 10 it's really hard to understand such a dramatic change in your life. BM and SD were together for almost 6 yrs.

Quoting mrsd2013: My friend just went through it with her ds10. His bf got divorced from his second marriage. The kid was my sons best friend before we moved. I spent allot of time with him and they were in the same class. The kid had allot of behavior problems. He didn't act out in aggrevise ways. It was more like he would start crying for small things and was very picky about his food, clothes, etc. I think I was his sense of control.

His mom (my friend) also moved in with her boy friend and had a baby shortly after. Change has been really hard on him.

Sarahb21
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:25 PM

 We don't have any problems with his SD. He's not the brightest bulb on the tree, but in general he's not a bad guy and has always cared about SS. SS has his number and used to text him in the past but I'm not sure if it would be stepping on BM's toes if we tell him it's ok to talk to him if he misses him?

  DH doesn't really know if he should approach the situation with BM or not. While he's upset that he wasn't given a heads up to know what SS was going through, he also knows/thinks it's not his place to know. You know? It's such a confusing situation!

Quoting sm1bm3: I keep my kids in contact with their XSM. That's how I handled the situation. She's a good person to be in their lives and I have never had any problems with her.


Sarahb21
by Bronze Member on Jun. 15, 2014 at 10:27 PM

 We're definitely in it for the long run! We've been together 10 yrs now, since SS was a baby. We've gone through our issues but nothing that would cause us to break up! We told SS that after our 8 yr old came to us crying, thinking we were going to divorce. But at the time, we obviously didn't know why he was saying that!

Quoting mrsd2013: And reassure him (only if it's true) that you're in it are the long run.
Quoting Sarahb21:

SS has been more agressive. He'll yell easily. He was acting up a lot in school, even got suspended for a couple of days after taking apart all the scissors in class and handing them out to kids (amongst a million other things). He's been telling our kids (his half brothers) that DH and I are going to divorce. It's been frustrating, but now I feel really bad. I know at 10 it's really hard to understand such a dramatic change in your life. BM and SD were together for almost 6 yrs.

Quoting mrsd2013: My friend just went through it with her ds10. His bf got divorced from his second marriage. The kid was my sons best friend before we moved. I spent allot of time with him and they were in the same class. The kid had allot of behavior problems. He didn't act out in aggrevise ways. It was more like he would start crying for small things and was very picky about his food, clothes, etc. I think I was his sense of control. His mom (my friend) also moved in with her boy friend and had a baby shortly after. Change has been really hard on him.


packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Jun. 16, 2014 at 12:42 AM

 

Quoting Sarahb21:

 We don't have any problems with his SD. He's not the brightest bulb on the tree, but in general he's not a bad guy and has always cared about SS. SS has his number and used to text him in the past but I'm not sure if it would be stepping on BM's toes if we tell him it's ok to talk to him if he misses him?

  DH doesn't really know if he should approach the situation with BM or not. While he's upset that he wasn't given a heads up to know what SS was going through, he also knows/thinks it's not his place to know. You know? It's such a confusing situation!

It would be stepping on her toes. You may have no issue with him, but you don't know why they aren't together and she may not want him around the kid right now..

 

Sarahb21
by Bronze Member on Jun. 16, 2014 at 10:12 AM


Quoting packermom4ever:

 

Quoting Sarahb21:

 We don't have any problems with his SD. He's not the brightest bulb on the tree, but in general he's not a bad guy and has always cared about SS. SS has his number and used to text him in the past but I'm not sure if it would be stepping on BM's toes if we tell him it's ok to talk to him if he misses him?

  DH doesn't really know if he should approach the situation with BM or not. While he's upset that he wasn't given a heads up to know what SS was going through, he also knows/thinks it's not his place to know. You know? It's such a confusing situation!

It would be stepping on her toes. You may have no issue with him, but you don't know why they aren't together and she may not want him around the kid right now..

 

The kids are around him as he's been babysitting them for her, I guess, at his new place. So last night I mentioned to SS that he at least was still able to see him, so that's good and hopefully will help him a bit. But it's still a huge life change.

cdrainey3
by Cher on Jun. 16, 2014 at 12:32 PM
I'm not too sure I believe in the phrase "kids are resilient" my dh's mom had 3 divorces. I'm dh's 3rd wife. I'm not surprised either. He had a horrible example of how to be in a marriage. It was really hard for him too. When I can get him to talk about it, I can see how damaging that was to his childhood. Maybe if his mom had communicated with him more it wouldn't of been so scaring? I'm not sure. It's rough on kids though, I know that. Your dh should talk to him as much as possible and talk with bm too. Make sure she knows its causing behavioral problems for the kid. Sad...
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