Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

BM isn't a monster

Posted by on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:07 PM
  • 40 Replies
8 moms liked this

DS5 met her and said that she was nice. I expected her to be nice to him but it was good to actually hear it was a pleasant visit. DS5's highlight was seeing SS13's room and his different gadgets. I was happy that SS13 had this experience and his mother behaved herself as I know she is capable.

It was interesting though that DH assumed I would be upset that BM met DS and that she had given him cake so he took away the cake after they left and threw it out which caused DS to wonder what was up. My dear friend also expected me to get  upset about it too but I thought it was okay. It doesn't mean that this can be a regular thing or that they could spend time there without DH but this was okay.

A couple years ago, I would have said there is no way in hell my children would ever be at that house but it happened and it wasn't a big deal. Sometimes time is the best medicine for many of these stepfamily issues.

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:07 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
savingtheworld
by Bronze Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Awe that's sweet! Iv let my kids and step kids spend the night at the other parents house... good for you
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:21 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm glade everything went well
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:21 PM
3 moms liked this

I fully agree with this. 

I'm glad it went well. 

Quoting leegirl_jm: Sometimes time is the best medicine for many of these stepfamily issues.


PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:23 PM
1 mom liked this
:) Happy to hear it was a smooth visit.
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:27 PM
1 mom liked this

Sometimes people misbeahve in times of great stress or change.  I was reminded by one of my dear friends of how angry I was during my divorce.  I can't even begin to feel that way anymore.

I'm glad things went well.  I'm sure SS13 is like a god to DS.  Little boys love big boys.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:29 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree.

Bm and I have had several pleasant interactions lately. I think she is generally a good person. We simply don't always share the same goals and that is fine...

Glad it went well..:
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:35 PM
2 moms liked this

My Grandma and my Mother always quote sayings about time being the great healer and it is often true.

Quoting jules2boys:

I fully agree with this. 

I'm glad it went well. 

Quoting leegirl_jm: Sometimes time is the best medicine for many of these stepfamily issues.



Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:37 PM

I know that happens.

Quoting pdxmum:

Sometimes people misbeahve in times of great stress or change.  I was reminded by one of my dear friends of how angry I was during my divorce.  I can't even begin to feel that way anymore.

I'm glad things went well.  I'm sure SS13 is like a god to DS.  Little boys love big boys.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 5:46 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't mean to hijack your post but I had a thought.  I have often (well, not too often) wondered if BF and SM had WAITED a bit before marrying (5 weeks after our divorce was final) OR if BF had been honest with me (I can hardly say that without laughing but... what if...) from the beginning and told me he wanted out (rather than to work on our marriage), had met someone new (rather than telling me he loved me, missed me, wanted to be only with me still, etc.), and I'd had the time to grieve my marriage properly and without surprise (he lied in court papers and told the judge he tried to serve me but couldn't find me, YET, we exchanged the boys twice a week at that point, every week, and saw each other at each exchange...) IF I'd have behaved differently towards he and SM from the very beginning.    I'll never know, and neither will BF/SM, but time sure has healed many things where BF/SM are concerned. 

Your mom and grandma are/were wise women, though I suspect they, too, have had to learn this lesson the 'hard' way, in time.  :) 

Quoting leegirl_jm:

My Grandma and my Mother always quote sayings about time being the great healer and it is often true.

Quoting jules2boys:

I fully agree with this. 

I'm glad it went well. 

Quoting leegirl_jm: Sometimes time is the best medicine for many of these stepfamily issues.



XXanonymousXX
by Silver Member on Jun. 17, 2014 at 6:00 PM
I definitely agree. If DH had been honest with BM instead of trying to spare her feelings, set appropriate boundaries instead of allowing her to believe (albeit irrationally) that there could be a possibility of them getting back together if she worked hard enough at it, I think BM and I would have had far less friction.

And this is why I believe that, in the end, it all comes back to the DH in these situations.


Quoting jules2boys:

I don't mean to hijack your post but I had a thought.  I have often (well, not too often) wondered if BF and SM had WAITED a bit before marrying (5 weeks after our divorce was final) OR if BF had been honest with me (I can hardly say that without laughing but... what if...) from the beginning and told me he wanted out (rather than to work on our marriage), had met someone new (rather than telling me he loved me, missed me, wanted to be only with me still, etc.), and I'd had the time to grieve my marriage properly and without surprise (he lied in court papers and told the judge he tried to serve me but couldn't find me, YET, we exchanged the boys twice a week at that point, every week, and saw each other at each exchange...) IF I'd have behaved differently towards he and SM from the very beginning.    I'll never know, and neither will BF/SM, but time sure has healed many things where BF/SM are concerned. 

Your mom and grandma are/were wise women, though I suspect they, too, have had to learn this lesson the 'hard' way, in time.  :) 

Quoting leegirl_jm:

My Grandma and my Mother always quote sayings about time being the great healer and it is often true.

Quoting jules2boys:

I fully agree with this. 

I'm glad it went well. 

Quoting leegirl_jm: Sometimes time is the best medicine for many of these stepfamily issues.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN