Coddling children causing problems at home - advice.
I really just need a place to vent/hear advice...
BD is 7 years old. SD is 5 years old and DH and I have one on the way, due in August.
My daughter and DH daughter have both been raised only children. However, my daughter is very independent and always has been. She takes care of herself and is pretty thick skinned. Growing up she was the only child in the family, so she has spent the majority of her life around adults.
SD is five, she is a sweet, sweet girl I can't say that enough. However, she too was an only child. My SD is very tender hearted. She has her feelings hurt very easily, cries if you look at her the wrong way. Her BM coddles her a lot, to the point that she is almost insecure to venture out on her own and play with other children.
Just yesterday we were coming home from our neighborhood pool, my daughter quickly unbuckled and began running to the front door. I was getting out of the car when I immediatley started hearing screaming and crying. I opened the back door to find SD just sitting in her booster seat crying. She believed that I was just going to go inside and leave her there. I asked her why she thought that and she didn't have an answer. One of the issues I have with this is she is five, she knows how to unbuckle and open the door, yet she just sits there and waits for you to do it.
SD also has a major issue with tattling. The girls will be upstairs playing and SD will come downstairs to tell me that her sister is playing with the toy she wants, or sister is not doing something. I probably hear a tattle once every 2-3 minutes, I am not exaggerating. I am not saying my BD is perfect and that she is not in the wrong, but I want the girls to work things out. Siblings are going to argue\squabble from time to time, it's normal.
Another issue that I've noticed becoming increasingly worse is the need for SD to tell who ever she is with, "I love you." This statement is said so frequently, I would dare to say every few sentences. There seems to be a lot of insecurities and I am doing the best I can, but I don't know how to deal with it, it's almost on auto pilot to just repeat it back each time.
Yesterday my DH took SD home and we received a phone call shortly after that made my blood boil. Apparently SD went home and BM thought that she seemed anxious, which I've also been noticing, she also complained that her sister was mean to her. BM told us that, "In all good consiousness she cannot send SD over here if she is going to feel this way."
I don't know how to handle this situation. I understand that my own daughter isn't perfect and that I can start there. However, kids will be kids. They will argue from time to time over toys and who gets to sit next to Grammy (grandma) during church. We are obviously still working on the sharing. What I feel like I need help with is the major insecurities, and latching behaviors coming from SD. We have a baby coming soon and I am concerend that these behaviors are only going to get worse.
**I realize a lot of you probably think I am an evil/heartless person. I am not, I am just worn a little thin right now, and having BM texting my DH constantly about how she thinks we need to fix this problem is putting a strain on us. Her most recent suggestion is that when we have SD he can leave our house for the weekend and possibly stay with his parents. um, no.
I am looking for ways to help SD feel more independent/confident when she is at our house. I've had several talks with DD, she is a very shall we say, "leader" when it comes to playing. I understand that DH needs to fix the problem with BM, she is a very difficult person. I just was venting about an ongoing problem, and ways I could help both girls find some middle ground in getting along.