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UGHHHHH anyone else?

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:09 PM
  • 83 Replies
I do Alot. Way more then bio mom does. I am currently retired do to a disability and available to my husband and sd 24/7. Bio mom literally does nothing but have fun time with my sd. I do all the homework dinner practices boo boos and she just has to tuck her in once or twice a week. Bio mom has literally not done one stitch of homework for the past 4 yrs. anyway.... All I ask for from my husband are little things like please don't undermine me in front of your daughter etc etc. I'm tired of hearing "she's a kid" and that I'm just nagging to be around Just bc I ask for her to clean her room? Or eat over the table? I feel like this is their world and I just live in it. Kinda 2 against 1.. Anyone else ever feel this way?Am I wrong?
by on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
codysara
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:15 PM
Thats tough. Talk to him when the kid is not around. Hopefully you both can get on the same page about what is acceptable behavior in your house. Otherwise it will always be this way.
Loved1234
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:23 PM
1 mom liked this
Thanks.. I'm trying its just so ridiculous at times.

Quoting codysara: Thats tough. Talk to him when the kid is not around. Hopefully you both can get on the same page about what is acceptable behavior in your house. Otherwise it will always be this way.
Loved1234
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:31 PM
Bump
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:32 PM
2 moms liked this

 tell his ass to do all that shit for his kid.

mrsd2013
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:35 PM
This is what I did. When I felt unappreciated, I did less. It made him step and see how much I do.

Quoting faerie75:

 tell his ass to do all that shit for his kid.

Loved1234
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:35 PM
That's what i feel like saying but with his work schedule he can't and if he gets aftercare it will cost US money. So irritated

Quoting faerie75:

 tell his ass to do all that shit for his kid.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:39 PM
2 moms liked this

 well, tell him that if he cant work with you or back you up then you "dont have time" to help her with hw and all that other crap. that he can do it when he gets home.

Quoting Loved1234: That's what i feel like saying but with his work schedule he can't and if he gets aftercare it will cost US money. So irritated
Quoting faerie75:

 tell his ass to do all that shit for his kid.

 

 
        
         

Loved1234
by Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 6:47 PM
I'm basically caught between a rock and a hard spot bc I don't want my sd to suffer.. She has practice till late n when she gets home she basically goes right to bed .. If she doesn't go to practice then she suffers too ya know? she can be a brat but she's still a kid and its her dads fault. Ughhhhhh

Quoting faerie75:

 well, tell him that if he cant work with you or back you up then you "dont have time" to help her with hw and all that other crap. that he can do it when he gets home.


Quoting Loved1234: That's what i feel like saying but with his work schedule he can't and if he gets aftercare it will cost US money. So irritated
Quoting faerie75:

 tell his ass to do all that shit for his kid.


 

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 7:08 PM
2 moms liked this

And if you let go of these things that aren't your 'responsibility', but you've taken them on anyway, what's the worst that could happen?  DH and even SD could appreciate all you DO and HAVE DONE for them more?  DH and/or SD could figure out how to do for themselves?  SD misses out on practice sometime?  It won't harm her 'forever', and it may help her realize how good she has it.  DH too. 

I'm BM.  I have ODS16 who is in an EC that takes up a LOT of time (his and mine).  When he gets in that 'you don't do anything and I don't have to appreciate you' mood (and it's happening more often lately), I'll stop.  I'll let a teammate (he sometimes carpools with or we take him sometimes too) know what's going on (the parents, not the kid) and ODS will 'miss' something.  HE has to let the coach know, not just that he's missing, but WHY he's missing (because he was rude, taking advantage of me/my schedule, not keeping up his homework, etc.), so he not only misses, he has to fess up to his coach, AND he catches it at the next practice.  So far, each time I've done this (3 times now), he's straightened up right away.  Now I only have to threaten to do it and he'll walk a finer line with me.  ;)  It works!  Most coaches will support you in that too. 

As for DH, anything that won't directly harm his child, let him do it, even if it's late, he's tired, worked all day, doesn't know how, etc.  Let him. 

As for BM?  She's not in your home so whatever she does/doesn't do, it's not yours to say or really have a opinion on.  So what if she only has the 'fun' stuff?  So what?  SHE didn't ask you to do the things you're doing, and if she did, you are FREE to say NO to her anytime you'd like.  SD suffers?  That's on BM and BF.  She's their responsibility ultimately.  Let them figure things out. 

My situation?  BF hasn't done homework with either boy in much longer than 4 years.  (SM hasn't either, that's not my point)  It's not 'required' for a BP to do homework with their child.  BM or BF.  It's just not.  I know some in intact families who also don't do homework with their kids, and they don't have a SP to rely on and place the responsibility on.  ;)  They figure it out (or the kid does). 

bertaboo1
by Silver Member on Jun. 18, 2014 at 7:12 PM
This is what i did. I made myself unavailable in the mornings when ss was younger. Forced dh to get him ready for school. Then i got the flu. Really bad flu. I was on so much codine i dont remember parts of that week lol. But again...it forced dh to step up and take cate of both my dd and ss. He understands now how much i do and sacrifice for everyone and let me tell you...he appreciates me every single day now

Quoting mrsd2013: This is what I did. When I felt unappreciated, I did less. It made him step and see how much I do.

Quoting faerie75:

 tell his ass to do all that shit for his kid.

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