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Should I reach out to her?

Posted by on Jun. 22, 2014 at 1:58 PM
  • 35 Replies
My SO has the most awesome 12yo son which I have grown to love. I am thrilled how nicely he gets along with my kids despite the age difference (22, 21 & 17).
His mother has been going through a rough time. House was recently foreclosed, had to move in with her parents, she has been jobless for nearly 2 yrs, her father recently passed away. Due to circumstances and convenience, SO has been getting his son every weekend plus mid week over nighters. They have a very volatile relationship as she tends to make threats and fly off the handle easily. SO just rolls with it, doesn't usually even argue his point for the sake of making it easier for his son.
SO was scheduled to work about 5 hrs today (his shop is about 5 mins from me) therefore it seemed like a no brainer that his son would hang out here for a bit. During the time SO texted me to have his so call his mom. Since he had to do so from my phone she discovered where he was. BTW she was calling to ask if he wanted to sleepover at his dads house an extra day. Needless to say when she realized I was watching her 12 yo son she got pretty irate and demanded he be taken home. He was bummed but I drove out to drop him off as SO was still working. I have never met her in person just seen her during drop offs and pick ups. She (understandably) was upset but seemed to be going over board. She yells out the window that she doesn't even know me and some other words I won't repeat. My thought is he is not 3 yrs old but anyways... I am not going anywhere.
My question is whether or not to call or text her when she has had time to diffuse. Offer a chance to get to know me for her son's sake. Good or bad idea????
P.S this was typed on a phone so I apologize ahead of time for typos
by on Jun. 22, 2014 at 1:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sm1bm3
by Bronze Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 2:04 PM
2 moms liked this
I would. Maybe offer to buy her a coffee just the two of you. I'd keep it light convo tho. Just a simple "hey, I'm a nice normal person as you can see. Not Medusa" type thing.

I'm going to hazard a guess that I'm in the minority in my opinion though
peachaz1
by Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 2:05 PM
1 mom liked this
As a BM I probably would have more respect for my DDs SM if she would have reached out to me instead of making my DD call her mommy and telling my DD to call me by my first name and referring to me as "her"
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 2:08 PM
1 mom liked this
How long have you been in the picture?
cdrainey3
by Cher on Jun. 22, 2014 at 2:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I think it would be worth a try. Just be very short and sweet in all you do and say. It might not work, but at least you tried.
ramita
by Silver Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 2:26 PM
2 moms liked this
It'll probably blow up in your face to be honest, but I would probably send her a text tomorrow and say something like,
I thought about how you said you didn't know me and therefore didn't want your son around me without his dad. I can understand your point, and wondered if you'd like to meet up for lunch one day so we could talk.
Hope it helps, but don't be surprised if it doesn't.
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Jun. 22, 2014 at 2:52 PM
8 moms liked this
I would advise against it for the simple reason that when she learned the child was in your care she immediately requested her be returned to her, and then yelled at you when you brought him back. This not a "cool with SM" BM. Do not engage with her, avoid that drama.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 2:57 PM
4 moms liked this
I think your heart is in the right place. And I think that your SS is probably in a very awkward position. No thanks to his mom. I cannot imagine acting that way in front of my child.

Anywho... Even though I feel you have good intentions, I would not reach out to her. It's apparent she isn't interested in getting to know you because wouldn't she have requested a meeting by now?

Maybe your dh could mention it to her? But honestly, I don't think it would change anything. She seems overwhelmed and high strung right now. She does have a lot on her plate. Just realize that she doesn't want her son left with you while dad works - and it's not necessarily about you. She just prefers her son to be with a parent.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 2:59 PM
1 mom liked this
It doesn't sound like the OP is doing these things. So if she's not doing these things you list, then why is BM not respecting her? Maybe because she just doesn't like the idea of SM?



Quoting peachaz1: As a BM I probably would have more respect for my DDs SM if she would have reached out to me instead of making my DD call her mommy and telling my DD to call me by my first name and referring to me as "her"
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JustMeNmine1
by Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 3:28 PM
We have been together do 1 1/2 yrs. Plan on moving in together in November which his son is excited about. Marriage is in the future although we are not yet officially engaged.

I do like the idea of coffee with light convo- at least the idea of putting the ball in her court. TBH I am not interested in getting to know her as a person and yes there is a chance it can/ will blow up in my face but a part of me feels I should try for the sake of her son.

She texted SO saying she was looking out for her son's safety and was fearful of him being around people she doesn't know. As a mom I get that but also wonder how much is the controlling aspect as he is 12 and about 2" taller than me and is often allowed to go out on his scooter or skateboard down a 4 lane busy road when he is home with her.

Mostly hesitate as I would hate to make matters worse at this point :(
JustMeNmine1
by Member on Jun. 22, 2014 at 3:47 PM
I have never asked him to call mom, he addresses me by my first name nor have I ever said anything negative about her.

Quoting peachaz1: As a BM I probably would have more respect for my DDs SM if she would have reached out to me instead of making my DD call her mommy and telling my DD to call me by my first name and referring to me as "her"
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