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my skids make me anxious

Posted by on Jun. 24, 2014 at 10:43 PM
  • 22 Replies
Well, I should say they make me anxious, O know it's my own thing, not them, but I get anxious nonetheless. When I haven't seen them for awhile, or even a short time like day, but especially long periods, I become nervous about what their "mood" is going to be. Mostly it's with my SD 12 but sometimes with the others too. I know it may sound weird but I think it comes from past experiences where its been an emotional rollercoaster with them. Admittedly, it's usually after they have been with BM just because of all the strong emotions that goes with having a parent that is bipolar and has not always been a stable fixture in their life. BM is now doing much better, and I'm not trying to bash here, but their has been kind of a love/hate relationship and some codepedency between her and her kids at times. Bottom line, the kids tend to come to us with a lot of emotional baggage and I feel a burden to comfort them and make sure they are happy. But overtime it has begun to cause me to become nervous in anticipation of seeing them. I never know what to expect or how to react to them, especially when they either miss BM or are upset with her but take it out on DH and I. I just feel like I have to carry this burden of something that is not supposed to be my responsibility. Anyone ever dealt with this?
by on Jun. 24, 2014 at 10:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Seychelles1409
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 12:43 AM
1 mom liked this

I would suggest you take more of a secondary role when the Skids visit.   Step back and let DH be with his kids more.   Let him do more things for his kids and you do fewer things.   Don't be around them quite as much.  Excuse yourself and go to bed a bit earlier; take a long bath and climb in bed and be alone so you can decompress from the SKids.  Don't get involved with them on a deep level.   Treat them as you would any guest in your home and not as an extension of BM.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 8:20 AM
4 moms liked this

If it makes you feel any better....my own daughter made me feel anxious to be around her starting in her teen years. Same reasons....didnt know if she was going to be in a mood....love me...hate me...hate someone else....turn on a dime to something simple I said. Sometimes, I hated being in my own house with her and breathed a sigh of relief when she would leave for school. Around 2 in the afternoon, the anxiety would return on her impendidng arrival. I felt like I had a handle on parenting....a very good one, till the minute she got boobs. Then I was like a fish out of water. Chin up....it's normal.

tiafez
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:29 AM

I think how you feel is kind of normal, I might feel that way too. Take a breath and remind yourself that you can only control you and your reactions. roll with the punches so to speak and take time for you if it gets to be too much.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:55 AM

This has started with my own DD10.  I never know what I'm going to get when she gets home from school.  I get a bit anxious to even greet her.  Is it going to be the happy/excited girl she once was or the really bad angry mood or the crying mood? 

Quoting baparrot2:

If it makes you feel any better....my own daughter made me feel anxious to be around her starting in her teen years. Same reasons....didnt know if she was going to be in a mood....love me...hate me...hate someone else....turn on a dime to something simple I said. Sometimes, I hated being in my own house with her and breathed a sigh of relief when she would leave for school. Around 2 in the afternoon, the anxiety would return on her impendidng arrival. I felt like I had a handle on parenting....a very good one, till the minute she got boobs. Then I was like a fish out of water. Chin up....it's normal.


Married, CSM to SD14 & SS12, CBM to DS12 & DD9

pepper504
by Gold Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this

Teenagers SUCK.  Tweens suck too.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 2:19 PM

 joint he club. i have to mentally prepare myself for the constant noise and extra cooking and cleaning. the kids themselves are usually fine though.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 2:21 PM

 my ds16 has been a nightmare on and off since 13. from the flunking, the defiant 'tude, the drugs, lack of helping around the house or even cleaning after himself and everything else. hes a little shit. :( my 19 year old wasnt like that.

Quoting baparrot2:

If it makes you feel any better....my own daughter made me feel anxious to be around her starting in her teen years. Same reasons....didnt know if she was going to be in a mood....love me...hate me...hate someone else....turn on a dime to something simple I said. Sometimes, I hated being in my own house with her and breathed a sigh of relief when she would leave for school. Around 2 in the afternoon, the anxiety would return on her impendidng arrival. I felt like I had a handle on parenting....a very good one, till the minute she got boobs. Then I was like a fish out of water. Chin up....it's normal.

 

 
        
         

oldproatthis
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 2:37 PM
2 moms liked this

 Sometimes for sure, I have alcohol on hand for those times...

Quoting pepper504:

Teenagers SUCK.  Tweens suck too.

 

katieleedouglas
by Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 3:57 PM

Since my SD12 came to live with us several months ago, I honestly feel like I am no longer at home in my own home.  The peace in our home has been interrupted so much, I am anxious most all the time.  It has adversely affected my health and my marriage.  Still trying to deal with it...

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this

So, by now I think you probably know you aren't alone with those feelings.  When it comes specifically to skids, the way I deal with it is I lay low when they initially arrive.  Test the water.  See what kind of mood they are in and approach appropriately.

Plus an escape plan if need be.  because if they are in really stinky moods, it is DHs job to deal with it, not me.

And gin.

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