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Are the family portraits that significant to stepchildren?

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:24 AM
  • 144 Replies

Considering the family portraits don't represent the stepchild's complete family, do they really care whether they are in them are not?

The situations where the stepchild is not in the portraits with SM, I would think everyone is fully aware and would understand why the stepchild is not in the portrait. 

Any adult stepchildren care to say if the family portraits of the stepfamily mattered to them or not?

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:24 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Pero3
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:32 AM
8 moms liked this
Let me put it like this ... I fully understand that a SM would want a picture of just her and her DH and her kids, don't see anything wrong with this at all. As per usual, it's how you sell your family to all kids involved, and unless you haven't mis-sold it earlier, this is totally fine.

HOWEVER ... is it then also okay if a skid doesn't want the SM in his/her wedding pictures?
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:37 AM
1 mom liked this

Of course, it is the stepchild's wedding. 

Quoting Pero3: Let me put it like this ... I fully understand that a SM would want a picture of just her and her DH and her kids, don't see anything wrong with this at all. As per usual, it's how you sell your family to all kids involved, and unless you haven't mis-sold it earlier, this is totally fine. HOWEVER ... is it then also okay if a skid doesn't want the SM in his/her wedding pictures?


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

runinpinkshoes
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:46 AM
3 moms liked this
I grew up with a dad, SM, 2 bio sisters, and 3 step siblings. To me, they were family. And we have tons of family pictures still hanging on the wall today.

It wasn't taking family pictures that made us a family - we were a family anyway - but the pictures are a representation of that, so I love that they're there.

In my current situation as SM, however, I avoid taking family pictures, because I don't consider DH's kids my family.
pepper504
by Gold Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:02 AM

Eh, I do not do "family" portriats.  Hate them.  I like candid shots more than anything. 

My ex has pictures of him, GF, their DD1 and my DD17 together.  Doesn't bother me.  They are a family. 

pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:05 AM
4 moms liked this

My kids would care.  If I chose to have pictures taken with DH and my skids, they would care.  And I am sure my SSs would care if DH was in a portrait with me and DDs without them.

The one time we were going to do family portraits, SD decided to hate on us and refuse to attend.  we didn't take them.  It would not have been right.

Our family includes SD21 even if we never see her.  We will never have family portraits done until such a time she would be there.  Doing so would formalize something we do not believe to be true - that she is not a part of our family.

And in the case where there are shared bios of Sm and DH, I am sure the skid receives the message loud and clear that daddy has a new family and skid is not a part of it when he sees the portraits.

No picture is worth hurting somebody.

As an adult stepchild, it would not surprise me if my dad had formal portraits of him and Sm and her kids.  And the only reason it would not hurt is because I am estranged from him anyway.

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:08 AM
1 mom liked this
My ss has expressed multiple times that he wishes he were in the family photos we had taken when dh was ncp (ss was never allowed to visit during those times, Christmas and such.

So I guess to some kids it does matter
Sept-babies2
by Ashley on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:09 AM
1 mom liked this
I would never take a family picture without sd. No way..she is my family too.

My stepdad never did the picture thing but he does have a son before he met my mom. My mom took all of us to get our pictures taken with his son included. We were one family.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:11 AM

I think it depends. I don't think that professional family pics are going to make or break a relationship.  If it's broken already though, I definitely think that being left out of a family pic is more likely to be inflammatory and hurtful--just another example of how the "old" family is out and the "new" family is in.

Regarding Pero's comment about family pics/Skid weddings--I think that if the relationship with the family is such that you'd not include them in family pics, you'd not expect any different in wedding pics.  And visa versa.



leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:21 AM

I think that part is important, there are no false expectations or any disappointments as everyone is on the same page.

Quoting Pero3: Let me put it like this ... I fully understand that a SM would want a picture of just her and her DH and her kids, don't see anything wrong with this at all. As per usual, it's how you sell your family to all kids involved, and unless you haven't mis-sold it earlier, this is totally fine. HOWEVER ... is it then also okay if a skid doesn't want the SM in his/her wedding pictures?


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

KaylaBug89
by Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 11:26 AM

I don't really know if they care. But, given everything that's gone on in our situation, I'm waiting to hang the ones that don't include my step xaughters until we can get some with them.

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