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Destroying your child seriously

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 7:58 PM
  • 29 Replies
So today we went to pick up my SS today from his counselor since on the days we get him back from his mother he has to go to counseling because of all the things his mother has told him such as 3 days with mommy then you will be back safe with mommy. If he scrapes his knee or gets a bruise while playing his mom and or her gf tell him he has to say I gave it to him and if he will go to time out. Well things have started to get worse because my dh received orders to move out of state so we are trying to adjust the custody arrangement. So things are getting worse she is telling him that his dad and I are going to kidnap him and never bring him back. We know that he isn't making it up because she called my dh boss and told him that we are going to kidnap the LO. I can't believe someone would sink so low as to use their child. Whew that feels good to get out
by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 7:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
6isus
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 8:14 PM
This is clearly parent alienation syndrome. I dated a man before my DH who was doing this to his son. At first I didn't get the fabrication of facts and naught into it! However, slowly I heard him say those same things to his son and I started to see more and more tactics to brain wash the child Into believing his father was going to save him from his mother who would run with him! Even breaking down in hysterics that he feared for his son so badly!

I ended up getting called to the stand as a court order and had no choice but to tell what I witnessed! Sadly enough this was several years ago and intense therapy still hasn't helped restore the mother/child relationship!

Parent alienation syndrome is one of the hardest things to reverse! Parent alienation is a horrible form of child abuse!
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 8:53 PM
It's not parental alienation until the attempts are successful.

For example: the child hates his dad but has no real reason why he hates his dad. He can't form his own opinion or voice why he has such strong feelings towards a normal, loving father.

It's only attempts. Attempts are real and they do still cause damage but it's not PAS until it's actually successful.

The first clue is that the boy is telling his dad what mom says. If this were PAS the child would be saying it as if it were his own thoughts.

Quoting 6isus: This is clearly parent alienation syndrome. I dated a man before my DH who was doing this to his son. At first I didn't get the fabrication of facts and naught into it! However, slowly I heard him say those same things to his son and I started to see more and more tactics to brain wash the child Into believing his father was going to save him from his mother who would run with him! Even breaking down in hysterics that he feared for his son so badly!

I ended up getting called to the stand as a court order and had no choice but to tell what I witnessed! Sadly enough this was several years ago and intense therapy still hasn't helped restore the mother/child relationship!

Parent alienation syndrome is one of the hardest things to reverse! Parent alienation is a horrible form of child abuse!
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sm1bm3
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:10 PM
2 moms liked this
There was an international organization of PhDs started this year to research PAS to limit the effects and catch it earlier. I was reading an article on it. I hope they can figure it out quickly. The suicide rate for alienated parents is staggering.

Quoting 6isus: This is clearly parent alienation syndrome. I dated a man before my DH who was doing this to his son. At first I didn't get the fabrication of facts and naught into it! However, slowly I heard him say those same things to his son and I started to see more and more tactics to brain wash the child Into believing his father was going to save him from his mother who would run with him! Even breaking down in hysterics that he feared for his son so badly!

I ended up getting called to the stand as a court order and had no choice but to tell what I witnessed! Sadly enough this was several years ago and intense therapy still hasn't helped restore the mother/child relationship!

Parent alienation syndrome is one of the hardest things to reverse! Parent alienation is a horrible form of child abuse!
stepdiva
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:20 PM
1 mom liked this
It truly is child abuse. I've said this before on CM and it bears repeating, IMO; I heard a woman say that the VERY best gift you can give your child during, and forever after divorce, is to never talk shit about the other parent. How true! It serves no purpose whatsoever. Thanks for letting me say that about talking about the other parent again.

Quoting sm1bm3: There was an international organization of PhDs started this year to research PAS to limit the effects and catch it earlier. I was reading an article on it. I hope they can figure it out quickly. The suicide rate for alienated parents is staggering.

Quoting 6isus: This is clearly parent alienation syndrome. I dated a man before my DH who was doing this to his son. At first I didn't get the fabrication of facts and naught into it! However, slowly I heard him say those same things to his son and I started to see more and more tactics to brain wash the child Into believing his father was going to save him from his mother who would run with him! Even breaking down in hysterics that he feared for his son so badly!

I ended up getting called to the stand as a court order and had no choice but to tell what I witnessed! Sadly enough this was several years ago and intense therapy still hasn't helped restore the mother/child relationship!

Parent alienation syndrome is one of the hardest things to reverse! Parent alienation is a horrible form of child abuse!
sm1bm3
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Its not just refraining from talking poorly about the OP. It's hindering the patent/child relationship period. Like 6 said, getting hysterical about the child visiting the mother. Other things can be said as well such as making the child feel guilty by telling them how much you miss them and can't stand to be away from them, you only have to be there for X days before you get to come back home, you know you have more fun with me, look at all these toys I bought for you, etc etc. It doesn't have to be straight up "your mom/dad is a (insert negative here)" it's any kind of manipulation. Which is why it's hard to diagnose until it's too late.

Quoting stepdiva: It truly is child abuse. I've said this before on CM and it bears repeating, IMO; I heard a woman say that the VERY best gift you can give your child during, and forever after divorce, is to never talk shit about the other parent. How true! It serves no purpose whatsoever. Thanks for letting me say that about talking about the other parent again.

Quoting sm1bm3: There was an international organization of PhDs started this year to research PAS to limit the effects and catch it earlier. I was reading an article on it. I hope they can figure it out quickly. The suicide rate for alienated parents is staggering.

Quoting 6isus: This is clearly parent alienation syndrome. I dated a man before my DH who was doing this to his son. At first I didn't get the fabrication of facts and naught into it! However, slowly I heard him say those same things to his son and I started to see more and more tactics to brain wash the child Into believing his father was going to save him from his mother who would run with him! Even breaking down in hysterics that he feared for his son so badly!

I ended up getting called to the stand as a court order and had no choice but to tell what I witnessed! Sadly enough this was several years ago and intense therapy still hasn't helped restore the mother/child relationship!

Parent alienation syndrome is one of the hardest things to reverse! Parent alienation is a horrible form of child abuse!
Lilfranks
by Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:59 PM
SS does come back saying mommy and Taylor (gf) took me swimming since you guys don't love me. Or they talk me on walks and let me ride in the stiller because they care about me. We don't let him ride in a stroller he's 5. Saying Kari hits you is the truth because mommy and Taylor love you and wouldn't lie to you. Oh and here's the kicker daddy and Kari had your brother because they don't want you.

Quoting sm1bm3: Its not just refraining from talking poorly about the OP. It's hindering the patent/child relationship period. Like 6 said, getting hysterical about the child visiting the mother. Other things can be said as well such as making the child feel guilty by telling them how much you miss them and can't stand to be away from them, you only have to be there for X days before you get to come back home, you know you have more fun with me, look at all these toys I bought for you, etc etc. It doesn't have to be straight up "your mom/dad is a (insert negative here)" it's any kind of manipulation. Which is why it's hard to diagnose until it's too late.

Quoting stepdiva: It truly is child abuse. I've said this before on CM and it bears repeating, IMO; I heard a woman say that the VERY best gift you can give your child during, and forever after divorce, is to never talk shit about the other parent. How true! It serves no purpose whatsoever. Thanks for letting me say that about talking about the other parent again.

Quoting sm1bm3: There was an international organization of PhDs started this year to research PAS to limit the effects and catch it earlier. I was reading an article on it. I hope they can figure it out quickly. The suicide rate for alienated parents is staggering.

Quoting 6isus: This is clearly parent alienation syndrome. I dated a man before my DH who was doing this to his son. At first I didn't get the fabrication of facts and naught into it! However, slowly I heard him say those same things to his son and I started to see more and more tactics to brain wash the child Into believing his father was going to save him from his mother who would run with him! Even breaking down in hysterics that he feared for his son so badly!

I ended up getting called to the stand as a court order and had no choice but to tell what I witnessed! Sadly enough this was several years ago and intense therapy still hasn't helped restore the mother/child relationship!

Parent alienation syndrome is one of the hardest things to reverse! Parent alienation is a horrible form of child abuse!
6isus
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:05 PM
Parental alienation syndrome (abbreviated as PAS) is a term coined by Richard A. Gardner in the early 1980s to refer to what he describes as a disorder in which a child, on an ongoing basis, belittles and insults one parent without justification, due to a combination of factors, including indoctrination by the other parent (almost exclusively as part of a child custody dispute) and the child's own attempts to denigrate the target parent.[1] Gardner introduced the term in a 1985 paper, describing a cluster of symptoms he had observed during the early 1980s.[1]

Parental alienation syndrome is not recognized as a disorder by the medical or legal communities and Gardner's theory and related research have been extensively criticized by legal and mental health scholars for lacking scientific validity and reliability.[2][3][4][5][6] However, the separate but related concept of parental alienation, the estrangement of a child from a parent, is recognized as a dynamic in some divorcing families.[2][7][8]

I'd say making false allegations resulting in fears big enough to express concerns to other parent, warrant the PAS label! It's abuse and emotional abuse towards a child may not be fully exposed for years and years! It's scary!

Quoting momof2ex1: It's not parental alienation until the attempts are successful.

For example: the child hates his dad but has no real reason why he hates his dad. He can't form his own opinion or voice why he has such strong feelings towards a normal, loving father.

It's only attempts. Attempts are real and they do still cause damage but it's not PAS until it's actually successful.

The first clue is that the boy is telling his dad what mom says. If this were PAS the child would be saying it as if it were his own thoughts.

Quoting 6isus: This is clearly parent alienation syndrome. I dated a man before my DH who was doing this to his son. At first I didn't get the fabrication of facts and naught into it! However, slowly I heard him say those same things to his son and I started to see more and more tactics to brain wash the child Into believing his father was going to save him from his mother who would run with him! Even breaking down in hysterics that he feared for his son so badly!

I ended up getting called to the stand as a court order and had no choice but to tell what I witnessed! Sadly enough this was several years ago and intense therapy still hasn't helped restore the mother/child relationship!

Parent alienation syndrome is one of the hardest things to reverse! Parent alienation is a horrible form of child abuse!
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:35 PM
I'm fully aware of what PAS is by definition. I was simply sharing - the post the OP created does not scream to me that Alienation attempts have been successful. They are still just attempts.

I point out the difference because it's important for people to not throw PAS around like they do other 'mental' disorders. The difference is, the child is not alienated from his father. Or else he would be insulting his father, belittling his father. Instead he is telling his father what he is being told. That is not an alienated child. That is a child who is scared and verbally/mentally abused but not a child who has been alienated.

I am 100% positive that my child is not alienated from me. We have a close bond and I feel very secure in my relationship with my child. She still tells me what is said to her and she wants me to clarify or to validate the facts. Things she is told do sometimes scare her. So she comes to me to get reassurance that these aren't true. Sometimes to get help to make it stop. I am not dismissing that it is damaging. I know. I've lived it for years. My child is damaged in some ways by alienation attempts. But she's not been alienated from me.

This child sounds like he's just confused and scared. Sure at his mothers attempts. But let's not confuse it with the actual 'non official' term Parental Alienation Syndrome.

Quoting 6isus: Parental alienation syndrome (abbreviated as PAS) is a term coined by Richard A. Gardner in the early 1980s to refer to what he describes as a disorder in which a child, on an ongoing basis, belittles and insults one parent without justification, due to a combination of factors, including indoctrination by the other parent (almost exclusively as part of a child custody dispute) and the child's own attempts to denigrate the target parent.[1] Gardner introduced the term in a 1985 paper, describing a cluster of symptoms he had observed during the early 1980s.[1]

Parental alienation syndrome is not recognized as a disorder by the medical or legal communities and Gardner's theory and related research have been extensively criticized by legal and mental health scholars for lacking scientific validity and reliability.[2][3][4][5][6] However, the separate but related concept of parental alienation, the estrangement of a child from a parent, is recognized as a dynamic in some divorcing families.[2][7][8]

I'd say making false allegations resulting in fears big enough to express concerns to other parent, warrant the PAS label! It's abuse and emotional abuse towards a child may not be fully exposed for years and years! It's scary!

Quoting momof2ex1: It's not parental alienation until the attempts are successful.

For example: the child hates his dad but has no real reason why he hates his dad. He can't form his own opinion or voice why he has such strong feelings towards a normal, loving father.

It's only attempts. Attempts are real and they do still cause damage but it's not PAS until it's actually successful.

The first clue is that the boy is telling his dad what mom says. If this were PAS the child would be saying it as if it were his own thoughts.

Quoting 6isus: This is clearly parent alienation syndrome. I dated a man before my DH who was doing this to his son. At first I didn't get the fabrication of facts and naught into it! However, slowly I heard him say those same things to his son and I started to see more and more tactics to brain wash the child Into believing his father was going to save him from his mother who would run with him! Even breaking down in hysterics that he feared for his son so badly!

I ended up getting called to the stand as a court order and had no choice but to tell what I witnessed! Sadly enough this was several years ago and intense therapy still hasn't helped restore the mother/child relationship!

Parent alienation syndrome is one of the hardest things to reverse! Parent alienation is a horrible form of child abuse!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
KaylaBug89
by Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:55 PM

This sounds like what my husband's ex does, only she's not quite as severe. She's said things like "daddy is replacing you with his new family." when we had our son. She has made the girls call my husband and tell him they don't want to come back. She says the "It's only a couple weeks and then you'll be back where you belong" thing. Told them if they come to England for visitation (my husband is ADAF and got orders, we're moving in a couple weeks, had to go back to court) then we won't give them back. It's awful.

6isus
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:57 PM
Very well said!

"Attempted" PAS is a form of the syndrome and early signs are often dismissed as jealous other parent! It's a horrible and very real form of child abuse!

Quoting sm1bm3: Its not just refraining from talking poorly about the OP. It's hindering the patent/child relationship period. Like 6 said, getting hysterical about the child visiting the mother. Other things can be said as well such as making the child feel guilty by telling them how much you miss them and can't stand to be away from them, you only have to be there for X days before you get to come back home, you know you have more fun with me, look at all these toys I bought for you, etc etc. It doesn't have to be straight up "your mom/dad is a (insert negative here)" it's any kind of manipulation. Which is why it's hard to diagnose until it's too late.

Quoting stepdiva: It truly is child abuse. I've said this before on CM and it bears repeating, IMO; I heard a woman say that the VERY best gift you can give your child during, and forever after divorce, is to never talk shit about the other parent. How true! It serves no purpose whatsoever. Thanks for letting me say that about talking about the other parent again.

Quoting sm1bm3: There was an international organization of PhDs started this year to research PAS to limit the effects and catch it earlier. I was reading an article on it. I hope they can figure it out quickly. The suicide rate for alienated parents is staggering.

Quoting 6isus: This is clearly parent alienation syndrome. I dated a man before my DH who was doing this to his son. At first I didn't get the fabrication of facts and naught into it! However, slowly I heard him say those same things to his son and I started to see more and more tactics to brain wash the child Into believing his father was going to save him from his mother who would run with him! Even breaking down in hysterics that he feared for his son so badly!

I ended up getting called to the stand as a court order and had no choice but to tell what I witnessed! Sadly enough this was several years ago and intense therapy still hasn't helped restore the mother/child relationship!

Parent alienation syndrome is one of the hardest things to reverse! Parent alienation is a horrible form of child abuse!
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