Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Trying not to overstep my bounds

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:17 PM
  • 20 Replies

Over the weekend, my step-sons girlfriend asked my husband to help her take their old shingles to the dump.  A few weeks ago my husband, his son and the step-father were helping the step-son redo part of his roof.  Since the dump closes early on Saturdays they weren't able to take the old shingles right away.  Scheduling problems have kinda dragged this out and it's been 2 weeks.  The step-son is away on training for the week and the girlfriend wanted to get it cleaned up while he was gone.  She's a teacher so she's free during the day.  My husband has to work - no vacation time left and a pretty strict boss.  I work from home with my 2 businesses and am very flexible so I offered to take her (we have the truck).  So on Tuesday, the girlfriend and I hefted the shingles to the truck from the back yard, into the truck, then to the dump - 3 times.  We had a great time and I got to know her pretty well.  I debated all morning about inviting her to lunch one day because the bio-mom is a real nightmare.  I mean, he's a grown man, 25 or something, and the bio-mom would have an absolute fit if she knew that the girlfriend was being nice to me.  Well, I did text her to see how she was feeling, and also offered to do lunch some time.  She's very receptive, but I just hope neither my step-son nor her suffers the repercussions of this.  Do you think I'm overstepping my bounds?

by on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:17 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
stepdiva
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:28 PM
4 moms liked this
It isn't about over stepping anymore. It's no body's business who either of you associate with.
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Nope. Nothing wrong with having lunch. 😃
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Is this a long standing problem with BM?  

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:42 PM
1 mom liked this
they are all adults now no need to worry about bm. get to know her
newwife1
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 9:42 PM
1 mom liked this

You are an adult having lunch with another adult woman. There is no overstepping here. At all.

She's not even related to BM to begin with, so who cares? Two grown women are allowed to have lunch or do whatever they want together.


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jun. 25, 2014 at 10:24 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't know why you would think it is overstepping. It's not within your control how mom may react to anything you do. Her son is an adult and can decide who he wants him his life. If the mom doesn't stop acting territorial over her grown son, he may set up boundaries that keep her at arms length.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AnnieChristian_
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 2:42 AM
1 mom liked this
I think this is the same issue DH's SM had with reaching out to me to spend time together. MIL is still very jealous and territorial over her sons, their wives and grandchildren. She will scoff at me if I admit to going somewhere with DH's SM but she's gotten over it. She'll still say something smart but she won't raise hell about it. Even if she did, DH would ignore her and so would I lol. It's not like we live with her, we're adults with our own home and lives, just like your SS and his girlfriend.
Pero3
by on Jun. 26, 2014 at 4:46 AM
1 mom liked this
Apart from the fact that we are talking adults here ... this girl isn't BM's DD, it's the son's girlfriend ... who can mix with whoever she pleases.
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 5:28 AM
1 mom liked this
They're adults, you didn't over step. You are trying to be nice and there's nothing wrong w/inviting her to lunch.
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 9:19 AM
1 mom liked this

Are you newly married? 

Your SS is 25YO.  He doesn't live with you or with his BM.  He's on his own.  He has a life, a girlfriend, etc all completely separate from his folks.

There's really not much you could do at this point that would be overstepping as far as it concerns BM.  I wouldn't worry about it at all. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)