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When to involve kids

Posted by on Jun. 26, 2014 at 6:54 PM
  • 28 Replies

Some of  you remember that DH is LD and his Summer visit with SS was court-enforced in May (BM signed SS up for Summer school in her local location again like last year and was pushing for Summer football workouts to override DH's Summer parenting time). Since SS arrived, he was noticably having behavior issues with DH and us and DH addressed them with him. DH also emailed BM regarding the issues because he knew that SS was undergoing a lot of stress and pressure to return back to BM's to do his Summer school (which we discovered he was STILL enrolled in and already had two unexcused absences because BM didn't withdraw him from school) and needed concurrence to have SS do counseling.

BM, in turn, e-mailed this to SS. SS wrote back to BM, and quoted a part of the e-mail and wrote back, "Mom fuck him."

BM replies, "Right! I am pissed he is even saying that!"

We discovered that BM was e-mailing EVERYTHING DH was "discussing" with her via e-mail to SS, which explained SS' ups and downs so far while he was with us.

What is appropriate to pass to children?

by on Jun. 26, 2014 at 6:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 7:07 PM
1 mom liked this
How old is SS?

It's in my CO that neither party discuss things with the kids like that. I would save those emails.
XXanonymousXX
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 7:16 PM
2 moms liked this
IMO nothing regarding disagreements, or anything negative should be shared. The parents should work as a team, at least from the child's perspective.

And under no circumstances should a parent allow the child to disrespect the other parent by saying what SS said.
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 7:21 PM
1 mom liked this

So Mom is making her son the little hubby in her home or what?  Them against the world?  Totally inappropriate.

But here's the deal.  Your SS is on "team mom".  Your DH needs to figure this out.  Totally sucks. 

theshanster17
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 8:06 PM


Quoting chasinrainbows: How old is SS? It's in my CO that neither party discuss things with the kids like that. I would save those emails.

SS is 14.

The CO only addresses SS not to be used as a messenger between the parents and the parents will not disparage the other in front of SS.

theshanster17
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 8:07 PM


Quoting XXanonymousXX: IMO nothing regarding disagreements, or anything negative should be shared. The parents should work as a team, at least from the child's perspective. And under no circumstances should a parent allow the child to disrespect the other parent by saying what SS said.

That would happen in a world where parents put their kids first, but it is not always the case.

I know the BM in our case probably feels that it is her and SS against DH and that SS "deserves" to know what is being said about him.

theshanster17
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 8:13 PM


Quoting Birdseed:

So Mom is making her son the little hubby in her home or what?  Them against the world?  Totally inappropriate.

But here's the deal.  Your SS is on "team mom".  Your DH needs to figure this out.  Totally sucks. 

LOL! I actually laughed when that "mini wife" post on here because some of the mannerisms reminded me of SS and BM.

BM is about the "us versus the world" but more especially "us versus Dad". DH is trying to figure out how to remedy it because SS was approached about things so far, but this is the first time we've seen this actually written out. It may need to take court intervention.

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 9:09 PM
I would think BM is "disparaging" dad by forwarding those emails to SS and allowing SS to say "mom fuck him".

Quoting theshanster17:

Quoting chasinrainbows: How old is SS?

It's in my CO that neither party discuss things with the kids like that. I would save those emails.

SS is 14.

The CO only addresses SS not to be used as a messenger between the parents and the parents will not disparage the other in front of SS.

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 9:11 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh the mini husband is a very real thing. BM is the same way with SS14 and it's them against dad. Sad.

Quoting theshanster17:

Quoting Birdseed:

So Mom is making her son the little hubby in her home or what?  Them against the world?  Totally inappropriate.

But here's the deal.  Your SS is on "team mom".  Your DH needs to figure this out.  Totally sucks. 

LOL! I actually laughed when that "mini wife" post on here because some of the mannerisms reminded me of SS and BM.

BM is about the "us versus the world" but more especially "us versus Dad". DH is trying to figure out how to remedy it because SS was approached about things so far, but this is the first time we've seen this actually written out. It may need to take court intervention.

stepdiva
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 9:46 PM
1 mom liked this
It's a very sad situation. I am not sure there are any good answers except the old story of not making disparaging remarks about the other parent.
People who drag the children into their adult problems are really hurting the kids. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
XXanonymousXX
by Silver Member on Jun. 26, 2014 at 11:19 PM
1 mom liked this
I think parents who do this are complete idiots. They're creating little monsters. Someday the tables might turn and SS might go against her. Then she'll have to deal with the mess she's created.

Quoting theshanster17:

Quoting XXanonymousXX: IMO nothing regarding disagreements, or anything negative should be shared. The parents should work as a team, at least from the child's perspective.

And under no circumstances should a parent allow the child to disrespect the other parent by saying what SS said.

That would happen in a world where parents put their kids first, but it is not always the case.

I know the BM in our case probably feels that it is her and SS against DH and that SS "deserves" to know what is being said about him.

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