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I need advise, please. I'm lksing it

Posted by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 1:02 PM
  • 14 Replies
Stepson has lived with us 4 years. It has gotton worse. Step s continues to tell his friends he is going to kill me. Dh says its nothing, step son photos himself masterbating with items of mine, rectally. His bio mm found them and called me. He also stole her sex toys and photoed himself with her things rectally. Dh says hd is just a teen, I want him in therapy. My husnand said he had a appt with a therapist, but it was a lie. This kid is so messed up. No one ever cared for him, BM did drugs and BD, my DH, is military and focuses on his career only, I have been with him all the time. Now, I can't have him herebecause of the very bad things he does, and he won't stop. He snuck someeone in the house lastweek andleft 2 discusting condoms in my bathroom. I am so scared that his perversions are too out of control. He is 14 ans it seems he has been doing this for a while as he is able to use large items that way. BM is now off drugs and wants him, bio dad, my DH said no, is staying here with us. In other words me! If I don't do this DH threatens to move out. I had a lonb talk with husband that his son may be gay. He hit the table and screamed. "My son is not a faggot". He uses the word a lot about people who anger him. He fefuses to accept there is a proble,refuses help from the bio mom and two olderbio brothers he can stay with. I am nausious in my own home. DH snaps all the time now at me, and Step s is still cont to act bizzare and scary
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 1:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
radmom33
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 1:12 PM
Losing it, sorry for typos. Ipad is touchy and I'm so tired
Tigress22304
by Ruby Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 2:36 PM

its sad that his son needs so much help and Dad refuses to help him. Is there anyone other then BM that could plead your case?

whatIknownow
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 2:59 PM

I'm confused about one thing.  Your DH says if you don't take care of his son for him, he is moving out. But if he moves out, who will take care of his son? He focuses on his career and apparently is not in a position to take care of his son himself. So, if he moves out, wouldn't the boy then have to go to his mom's anyway?

If your DH has had custody for 4 years and this kind of behavior is happening, who is to blame? Maybe the fact that his current custodial parent is absent, has at least contributed to the situation. It seems he needs more attention (maybe?).  I think letting mom have a try is a good idea.

WickedPissah
by 2Sexy4MyStoma on Jun. 29, 2014 at 3:02 PM
Are there other kids in the home?
radmom33
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:15 PM
1 mom liked this
No, and I don't know if I should keep trying to help him or protect my family. No kids heree, when I have my grandchildren the ss has to leave anyway as I don't want the around him. It may just boil down to my marriage or my and grandchildrens well being. I am so sad. You are right , this boy is a mess and father refuses to admit a problem. He said it stopped but itdidnt. I found ss shirt under his bed with feces and other on it. The smell is why I looked under hisbed

Quoting Tigress22304:

its sad that his son needs so much help and Dad refuses to help him. Is there anyone other then BM that could plead your case?

radmom33
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:20 PM
I think he may be bullying me to care for his son. He doesn't want bio mom in his life at all. She callsme crying . DH is very intimating , she is afraid. DH makes commitment to his child, likedrop reserves, less trainings,less work at the prison. He never follows through. And yes I am stupid, I have beenbelieving hi because I had respect for him.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I'm confused about one thing.  Your DH says if you don't take care of his son for him, he is moving out. But if he moves out, who will take care of his son? He focuses on his career and apparently is not in a position to take care of his son himself. So, if he moves out, wouldn't the boy then have to go to his mom's anyway?

If your DH has had custody for 4 years and this kind of behavior is happening, who is to blame? Maybe the fact that his current custodial parent is absent, has at least contributed to the situation. It seems he needs more attention (maybe?).  I think letting mom have a try is a good idea.

radmom33
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:26 PM
Yes,he needs a lot of attention, he was going to his moms,but dh talked him out of it. He is 14 and dh is giving him too much freetime to be with ad influences. Being a teen he needs structure. It was there when he was ten, but dh said ss reports to him that he wants to live with bm if I don't change his bedtime ect. He was doing good with structure, now hehasnone and dh toldme my rules are stupid and I'm too strict because I don't think he should hang out with friends. His curfew is 10 on school nights and 12 on weekends.I keep my young teens with me so I thought all should. Sonow i not allkwed to set rules.

Quoting radmom33: I think he may be bullying me to care for his son. He doesn't want bio mom in his life at all. She callsme crying . DH is very intimating , she is afraid. DH makes commitment to his child, likedrop reserves, less trainings,less work at the prison. He never follows through. And yes I am stupid, I have beenbelieving hi because I had respect for him.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I'm confused about one thing.  Your DH says if you don't take care of his son for him, he is moving out. But if he moves out, who will take care of his son? He focuses on his career and apparently is not in a position to take care of his son himself. So, if he moves out, wouldn't the boy then have to go to his mom's anyway?

If your DH has had custody for 4 years and this kind of behavior is happening, who is to blame? Maybe the fact that his current custodial parent is absent, has at least contributed to the situation. It seems he needs more attention (maybe?).  I think letting mom have a try is a good idea.

radmom33
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:30 PM
None thatlive here right niw, when I get my grandkids on weekend ss goesto visit bm. I don't allow my grandkkds around him anymore, and I never would leave my crannied with anyone alone. Unless perents know and tell me its ok.

Quoting WickedPissah: Are there other kids in the home?
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Jun. 29, 2014 at 4:40 PM
Sooooo, if he's threatening to leave, why not just let him go? He sounds like a jerk.
radmom33
by on Jun. 29, 2014 at 5:12 PM
Yes. I held on too long valuing marriage. I looked past all the control. Now with the threat I am done. When he gs home I'm going to talk to DH and SS they have to go. They both moved in my condo with nothing , everything, all bills are in my name. Why the hell I was bling to the red flags. I'll never know. I think its because no one knows the real him. Or truth and everyone here thinks he walks on water except his ex's.all 3 of them. I don't do well with bullying. Thank you so much for being objective. Advise and words from strangers help.

Quoting KnowItAll: Sooooo, if he's threatening to leave, why not just let him go? He sounds like a jerk.
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