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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Why Marry a Man w/Kids

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:14 AM
  • 194 Replies
9 moms liked this
Seriously I have seen so many horrible posts and comments about people who seem to not care about their SK. Why should I take care of them they aren't mine. I have my own kids to take care of. To be honest these comments have me feeling so sorry for your SK. I had a stepdad for 20 years(he passed away 2 years ago) and he had his own kids when he and my mom got married she had 3 kids. My Sd treated me and my brothers like shit everyday (unless we had company over) and his daughters he treated like royalty. It was terrible. He was the only dad I had and he didn't want anything to do with us. I tried forever to get him to realize that just because he wasn't responsible for my birth didn't make me less of a person. When he was in hospice it was my mom and I who stayed by his side his kids came once a week and the night he died. I have a SS and before dh and I got married I knew that if I were to marry him I would have to love his son and treat him as I would my own. We we married it was actually in my vows to him. When we said I do my SS was right there holding our hands. He helped the pastor to marry us. So I confused if you have ZERO intention of loving or caring for for his children why marry him. Seriously why
by on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I just married a man who happened to have had a child prior, he is NCP so the child is being raised primarily by his mother so I don't need to be involved.

Lilfranks
by Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:37 AM
I'm talking about those who share 50/50 custody or have any sort of visitation

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I just married a man who happened to have had a child prior, he is NCP so the child is being raised primarily by his mother so I don't need to be involved.

Tigress22304
by Platinum Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:37 AM
3 moms liked this

You must have us confused with another site because I don't think there is anybody on here that doesn't care about their stepkids.


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:41 AM

Ok, thanks for that clarification.

Quoting Lilfranks: I'm talking about those who share 50/50 custody or have any sort of visitation
Quoting leegirl_jm:

I just married a man who happened to have had a child prior, he is NCP so the child is being raised primarily by his mother so I don't need to be involved.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

wise.toes
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:42 AM
2 moms liked this

i care about my stepkids. my priority is my own children, considering my stepsons already have two active, involved parents. i am not their primary caregiver, nor do i want to be.

when they are ill or need to be home, mommy is asked to "babysit" before i am, as i am not a built-in nanny. 

don't confuse this with me not caring, or not being involved with them, because i very much am. 

Lilfranks
by Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this
You are a parent as well to SK. When my SS is sick on our time I watch him and take care if him. I go to his doctors appointments and his school functions everything. I'm more active than his mother. I'm also more active than dad because dad can't be due to work.

Quoting wise.toes:

i care about my stepkids. my priority is my own children, considering my stepsons already have two active, involved parents. i am not their primary caregiver, nor do i want to be.

when they are ill or need to be home, mommy is asked to "babysit" before i am, as i am not a built-in nanny. 

don't confuse this with me not caring, or not being involved with them, because i very much am. 

wise.toes
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:54 AM
5 moms liked this

i know i am. 

i don't want to be more involved than their own mother. their own mother is more than capable, AND willing to do docs appts, school functions, etc. i am not their mommy, and i know this.

this doesn't mean that i haven't taken them to appts, this doesn't mean that they haven't stayed home with me when they are ill. this doesn't mean i don't attend school functions or bake yummies for school things, this doesn't mean i don't take them to school and daycare or pick them up from school/daycare. this doesn't mean i don't take alone time with them to bond. this doesn't mean i don't buy them clothing, or feed them, or tuck them in at night..

this means that their mommy is consulted first, if she can't, i fill in. this is what works for us..and primarily, her. i don't strive to be better than mommy, because i will never be.  it doesn't matter how many school functions i go to that she doesn't go to, or things i do, that she doesn't. she's mommy. she will always be #1 in their life, and i am okay with that. i have a special relationship with both of them, and i'm happy with that also.

Quoting Lilfranks: You are a parent as well to SK. When my SS is sick on our time I watch him and take care if him. I go to his doctors appointments and his school functions everything. I'm more active than his mother. I'm also more active than dad because dad can't be due to work.
Quoting wise.toes:

i care about my stepkids. my priority is my own children, considering my stepsons already have two active, involved parents. i am not their primary caregiver, nor do i want to be.

when they are ill or need to be home, mommy is asked to "babysit" before i am, as i am not a built-in nanny. 

don't confuse this with me not caring, or not being involved with them, because i very much am. 


Lilfranks
by Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 10:59 AM
That's great that you do this. I say this with the up most respect for you and this post wasn't geared towards you

Quoting wise.toes:

i know i am. 

i don't want to be more involved than their own mother. their own mother is more than capable, AND willing to do docs appts, school functions, etc. i am not their mommy, and i know this.

this doesn't mean that i haven't taken them to appts, this doesn't mean that they haven't stayed home with me when they are ill. this doesn't mean i don't attend school functions or bake yummies for school things, this doesn't mean i don't take them to school and daycare or pick them up from school/daycare. this doesn't mean i don't take alone time with them to bond. this doesn't mean i don't buy them clothing, or feed them, or tuck them in at night..

this means that their mommy is consulted first, if she can't, i fill in. this is what works for us..and primarily, her. i don't strive to be better than mommy, because i will never be.  it doesn't matter how many school functions i go to that she doesn't go to, or things i do, that she doesn't. she's mommy. she will always be #1 in their life, and i am okay with that. i have a special relationship with both of them, and i'm happy with that also.

Quoting Lilfranks: You are a parent as well to SK. When my SS is sick on our time I watch him and take care if him. I go to his doctors appointments and his school functions everything. I'm more active than his mother. I'm also more active than dad because dad can't be due to work.

Quoting wise.toes:

i care about my stepkids. my priority is my own children, considering my stepsons already have two active, involved parents. i am not their primary caregiver, nor do i want to be.

when they are ill or need to be home, mommy is asked to "babysit" before i am, as i am not a built-in nanny. 

don't confuse this with me not caring, or not being involved with them, because i very much am. 

tiafez
by Silver Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 11:04 AM
2 moms liked this

My SS isn't my son and it would be wrong of me to act as though he was. He has a great MOm, who I share zero friendliness with but she is a great mom who doesn't need him to have another mom. MY SO is his Dad, he is a great DAd but this is his kiddo and he is able and willing to do the parent's job. I raised my kids and shared my SOs life, I didn't raise his kiddo, that was for his parents to do. I married a man who had a son, he didn't marry me to have another parent raise his kiddo, he married me to have a wife. 

Lilfranks
by Member on Jul. 2, 2014 at 11:07 AM
1 mom liked this
The day you married him you became a stepmom aka a parent to his child.

Quoting tiafez:

My SS isn't my son and it would be wrong of me to act as though he was. He has a great MOm, who I share zero friendliness with but she is a great mom who doesn't need him to have another mom. MY SO is his Dad, he is a great DAd but this is his kiddo and he is able and willing to do the parent's job. I raised my kids and shared my SOs life, I didn't raise his kiddo, that was for his parents to do. I married a man who had a son, he didn't marry me to have another parent raise his kiddo, he married me to have a wife. 

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