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Child repeatedly screams for father - help!

Posted by on Jul. 3, 2014 at 11:46 AM
  • 70 Replies
I'm not technically a step parent, but my boyfriend and I have been friends for over 20 years and together about 2 years...so close enough. His daughter is 5 (I have 2 children of my own ages 12 and 10), and she is absolutely wonderful (they all are) most of the time. Sometimes though, while he is at work and she is with me, she will get upset over the smallest thing (today she was having trouble with a game) and she will just start screaming at the top of her lungs. ..first that she can't do it and then it just changes to "I want my daddy!" Repeatedly. This will go on anywhere from 5 minutes to 30 minutes. Sometimes I can get her to stop by distracting her but other times she starts kicking furniture or more recently trying to hit or kick my children. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks!
by on Jul. 3, 2014 at 11:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

My advice is, leave the room.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 11:53 AM

 this, its an attn grab. take your kids and leave the room. i always left the room when my ss had a tantrum. i dont do tantrums.

Quoting whatIknownow:

My advice is, leave the room.

 

 
        
         

abigailsmommy11
by Kelli on Jul. 3, 2014 at 11:58 AM
2 moms liked this

 We parent with Love & Logic (great books!), and I would suggest saying "Uh oh", picking her up as soon as the tantrum starts, sitting her in a safe room and closing the door. You stand on the other side of the door until she's quiet, then wait a couple more minutes to make sure she's done. This can take 30-45 minutes the first few times, but will shorten dramatically after a few times. When you go back in the room, simply say (with lots of empathy) "I'm sorry you were sad sweetie, are you ready to go play again?".

She will learn that if she throws tantrums, she ends up by herself, having no fun. But if she is acting sweet, she gets to spend time with you and your kids and have fun. Good luck!

katemckenzie
by Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 12:00 PM
Isolate her. When she realizes that no one wants to deal with the tantrums, they will stop.
beckyv1972
by on Jul. 3, 2014 at 12:04 PM

 

Quoting abigailsmommy11:

 We parent with Love & Logic (great books!), and I would suggest saying "Uh oh", picking her up as soon as the tantrum starts, sitting her in a safe room and closing the door. You stand on the other side of the door until she's quiet, then wait a couple more minutes to make sure she's done. This can take 30-45 minutes the first few times, but will shorten dramatically after a few times. When you go back in the room, simply say (with lots of empathy) "I'm sorry you were sad sweetie, are you ready to go play again?".

She will learn that if she throws tantrums, she ends up by herself, having no fun. But if she is acting sweet, she gets to spend time with you and your kids and have fun. Good luck!

 I agree with everyone its an attention thing, but I would follow this instead of your kids and you leaving the room. Your kids shouldnt have to stop what they are doing in the room because she has a melt down. Have you discussed this with your SO? Make sure he is onboard with her consiquence.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 12:04 PM
1 mom liked this
I hate the love and logic books. I think they are abusive techniques. Other ways to teach a child to behave.

Anyway - it sounds like she hasn't really learned how to voice her frustration. And maybe she does want her daddy. When will he be home? How much time is he spending with her? Vs. you spending time with her?

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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 12:08 PM
1 mom liked this
Yikes. The BM in me is cringing.

Please - have dad work with her. Isolating her?. I hate that word. But then again I really didn't have to isolate any of my kids over the years.
I know it would probably upset me to find SM is having to deal with so much from my young child ... And is getting frustrated. Where is mom?
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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 12:21 PM

I am so glad you said that!  I never read the books but the description a few posts back of locking a child in a room until she stops sounded awful.  How does that not impact the entire house?


Quoting momof2ex1: I hate the love and logic books. I think they are abusive techniques. Other ways to teach a child to behave. Anyway - it sounds like she hasn't really learned how to voice her frustration. And maybe she does want her daddy. When will he be home? How much time is he spending with her? Vs. you spending time with her?


LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Jul. 3, 2014 at 12:25 PM


Quoting whatIknownow:

My advice is, leave the room.

I agree.  Do not feed the behavior.  The reason this behavior continues is because it earns a reaction. You will see the behavior stop if it earns NO reaction at all.

tgeonlyjen0218
by New Member on Jul. 3, 2014 at 12:28 PM
He spends a lot of time with her and we all spend time together also. He comes home on lunch breaks even to have lunch with everyone. Very involved and very on board for whatever helps. Mom is in the picture but says this happening is dad's fault because he "spoils her and let's her have her way too much" (she is NEVER around then both and has no idea what actually happens with him) and that the child has problems and needs medicine for it. It happens with mom too.
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