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Is it worth the fight?

Posted by on Jul. 5, 2014 at 11:40 PM
  • 65 Replies
Bm is starting to pull her crap for summer time. She's trying to short my dh a week. He has been dealing with this crazy woman constantly fighting him every second over him taking the time that has been awarded to him! I was surprised to see the last few weeks going well, and then sure enough she starts. I told dh it's bs and to stand up to her. He said he's done. He is so sick of fighting with her and then she says things to ss and then ss comes over with attitude and is rude to our boys. Dh said he's so sick of fighting with bm and that he's done and she can just take him.

I don't get it. I don't get how a woman can be such a bitch and think that a father isn't a priority in a child's life. I don't understand how a father can just back down to such a bitch. I feel bad that ss is being brain washed and being raised by his "friend" instead of a parent. I'm frustrated with my dh, why won't he fight for his kid?

I feel guilty for saying this, but I'm just glad it's not my boys.

I guess this is more of a vent. I didn't say anything else to my dh. It's his deal. I admit I'm furious though.
by on Jul. 5, 2014 at 11:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
rosesink
by on Jul. 6, 2014 at 12:01 AM

They are not your children and unless she is unfit you have NO say

cdrainey3
by Cher on Jul. 6, 2014 at 12:06 AM
3 moms liked this
Are you for real? Did you even read my post? First of all, it's only one child, and where did I say he was mine? Or that I wanted a say? Also, I wouldn't have a say even if she was unfit so not sure how you think that if she's unfit I would then have a say.

Quoting rosesink:

They are not your children and unless she is unfit you have NO say

sm1bm3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 12:08 AM
How long has this been going on?
cdrainey3
by Cher on Jul. 6, 2014 at 12:19 AM
About 2 years now. Dh and bm used to split the holidays really well. Bm would work pretty well around our plans. One year on Memorial Day dh asked her what her plans were and this is the time he wanted ss. She said she was busy with ss the whole day. He was just like, ok that's new but whatever. She then started doing that with more holidays and the next Memorial Day did the same. So dh got sick of it and pulled out the co and told her he's going off the co as far as holidays and summers go. He got a lawyer involved and everything. Dh takes his time but bm puts up a fight every holiday and summer. She has tried to tell him he can only have eowe and that's it. It's been a joke. Dh thought he finally got through to her and summer was going pretty decent and then she starts her crap tonight. Making shit up and trying to short him a week. He worked with her for the summer too. I'm just venting. I don't understand why women think a father isn't important and I'm also frustrated with my dh. I'm disappointed in him.

Quoting sm1bm3: How long has this been going on?
sm1bm3
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 12:31 AM
I understand 100% what your saying. Bm has stolen Christmas more than once, as well as other holidays. Whenever my DH brings up the CO and reads it to her, she literally doesnt get it. The last time they went to court her lawyer changed the timeshare agreement for her because no matter how many times he tried to explain to her the changes proposed she was confused. The lawyers agreed to exchange Wednesdays with dad to mondays on his weekend. All BM cared about was that she was losing Monday, she didnt even realize Wednesday was changed too.

Anyway, she has pulled her stunts, played dumb, whatever you wanna call it. My DH has thought about giving up too. I had to step back and put myself in his shoes to understand why though. When someone is telling you over and over your a shitty parent and then the courts reinforce that by letting you see your child every two weeks it wears you down. Heck, just having someone tell you your a shitty parent is enough to start that seed of doubt. Not to mention men and their pride/egos being more fragile than women (yes a stereotype, but it had to come from somewhere). I point out all of the good things my DH does when it comes to parenting to counter the negativity coming from BM. He still gets overwhelmed by her BS, but not as often and not as bad.

Quoting cdrainey3: About 2 years now. Dh and bm used to split the holidays really well. Bm would work pretty well around our plans. One year on Memorial Day dh asked her what her plans were and this is the time he wanted ss. She said she was busy with ss the whole day. He was just like, ok that's new but whatever. She then started doing that with more holidays and the next Memorial Day did the same. So dh got sick of it and pulled out the co and told her he's going off the co as far as holidays and summers go. He got a lawyer involved and everything. Dh takes his time but bm puts up a fight every holiday and summer. She has tried to tell him he can only have eowe and that's it. It's been a joke. Dh thought he finally got through to her and summer was going pretty decent and then she starts her crap tonight. Making shit up and trying to short him a week. He worked with her for the summer too. I'm just venting. I don't understand why women think a father isn't important and I'm also frustrated with my dh. I'm disappointed in him.

Quoting sm1bm3: How long has this been going on?
rosesink
by on Jul. 6, 2014 at 12:41 AM

I thought there was more then one boy because you said    "I feel guilty for saying this, but I'm just glad it's not my boys."  And if she were unfit you could report her , that is what I mean't by "having a say in the matter

AnnieChristian_
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 1:05 AM
I feel your pain :-/ DH threatened SKs the other day that if they didn't start behaving he would send them home to BM - I'm like wtf dude?! I don't get it either, nobody could pull that shit with my kids, even if it was the other parent - I would never back down when it comes to time with them. But that is just your DH's decision to make, your SS is getting older and can think for himself. I wouldn't completely blame it on BM brainwashing & that may be why your DH thinks it isn't worth fighting about - he feels his son's loyalty lies with his mom.
Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 1:20 AM
Hugs. Step back a bit. You are making this about winning and your DH needs to sort of switch his mind set.

Loyalty is double edged sword. Until, BM values their relationship it might be worthwhile to let go a bit.

If I was in your shoes, as stepmom, I'd suggest exchanging the last week for a list of days in the next year. Look at the calendar and ask for an extra day in October, Thanksgiving weekend, Christmas and any other long holiday weekends I wanted to exchange.

See how she feels about that. I wouldn't give up time unless it was by choice.
cdrainey3
by Cher on Jul. 6, 2014 at 1:41 AM
Dh is choosing not to fight with her. So he's giving up his time. I did tell my dh that one thing, but other than that I just kept quiet. I asked what they decided and he said this next week will be the last week. It's just sad to me. My boys will be sad, they love having him here. Ss loves being here, but because his mom is lonely and selfish his time is being cut short. If my dh tries to figure out more time with ss, bm will just act stupid when that time comes. That's what he's sick of. If I am making it about winning, I'm not trying to. I feel bad that ss doesn't get to have a dad as much as our boys do. I feel bad for our boys because they absolutely adore their big brother, but they never get to see him. I seriously need to figure out a way to not care anymore. Apparently my dh has found a way.

Quoting Silent_Sea: Hugs. Step back a bit. You are making this about winning and your DH needs to sort of switch his mind set.

Loyalty is double edged sword. Until, BM values their relationship it might be worthwhile to let go a bit.

If I was in your shoes, as stepmom, I'd suggest exchanging the last week for a list of days in the next year. Look at the calendar and ask for an extra day in October, Thanksgiving weekend, Christmas and any other long holiday weekends I wanted to exchange.

See how she feels about that. I wouldn't give up time unless it was by choice.
aeELE
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2014 at 3:03 AM
1 mom liked this
I think you have the appropriate outlook- this is DH's fight and if he doesn't want to fight for his DS, that sucks, but there's nothing you can do about it.
You shouldn't feel guilty for being happy that your boys aren't dealing with this, but if he is their dad, I'd be raising some serious eyebrows. I know it would bother me. Even if your boys aren't his, are you thinking of having kids? IDK, I would question my relationship with a man who would give up time with his child.
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