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Not really sure how to ask this but.....

Posted by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 3:32 AM
  • 50 Replies

I am getting married soon and it's gotten me thinking about what if my future husband dies.  He has 6 kids and was married to his ex for 16 years.  We have now been together for 4 years.  Please first let me say I do NOT want everything and I want to make sure his kids and ex are still taken care of, however, I would also like to know that i am entitled to something.  So I figured I would ask you ladies.  I don't like to think that he will die but I became a widow at the age of 28 so I definately know that you never know what will happen tomorrow.  Now when my husband died, it was both of our first marriage and we only had our kids together when he died so obviously I didn't have to think about who gets what.  Now I am rambling, but hope someone can help;/

by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 3:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 3:38 AM
Why don't you ask him?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lildylant
by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 3:52 AM

 

Quoting annabl1970: Why don't you ask him?

 We have talked alot about it.  But since he has minor children we arent sure if everything will automatically go to them........like our joint checking account, are they entitled since it's their dad, his retirement?  Even if i'm listed as beneficiary but would they get it because they are minor children? 

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 3:53 AM
I think this is something you need to discuss with your fiance.

I think all couples should plan for the what if of losing their partner.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 3:56 AM
I believe that it depends on his CO. Is this something that was addressed in his CO?

A minor child is entitled to social security benefits upon the death of a parent.

Technically your husband's ex could sue his estate, but if there's nothing mentioned in his CO and his will leaves everything to you, thats what would happen.

Quoting lildylant:

 


Quoting annabl1970: Why don't you ask him?

 We have talked alot about it.  But since he has minor children we arent sure if everything will automatically go to them........like our joint checking account, are they entitled since it's their dad, his retirement?  Even if i'm listed as beneficiary but would they get it because they are minor children? 

andie646c
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 3:59 AM
2 moms liked this

I was informed by DH's lawyer that we needed to set up an estate for everything. Then in his will it would state who gets what through the estate. Otherwise, it would be possible for BM to sue me to take anything I got.

Also, state law where I am says that CS does not end at the NCP's death. It is to be taken from the estate, so BM would be entitled to it (if DH were ordered to pay CS right now, he isn't because he is CP).

So, my advice here, is talk to a lawyer about this. Since it varies by state because of state laws, it's best to get it all in order now.

lildylant
by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:03 AM

 

Quoting Tinkerbellmama: I believe that it depends on his CO. Is this something that was addressed in his CO? A minor child is entitled to social security benefits upon the death of a parent. Technically your husband's ex could sue his estate, but if there's nothing mentioned in his CO and his will leaves everything to you, thats what would happen.
Quoting lildylant:

 

Quoting annabl1970: Why don't you ask him?

 We have talked alot about it.  But since he has minor children we arent sure if everything will automatically go to them........like our joint checking account, are they entitled since it's their dad, his retirement?  Even if i'm listed as beneficiary but would they get it because they are minor children? 

In the divorce decree it states that anything he and her acuires (sp?) after the divorce neither are entitled to it.  She will receive his retirement for the years they were married but any money that goes in there after their divorce she is not entitled to.  Trust me, there is alot we need to look into I just figured I would see what cafemom members would say;)  We are going to speak with an attorney next week to ask all the billion questions we have.  I would like to know that my house, car, bank account, are not going to be handed over to his ex and kids.  They will get social security, life insurance, and his retirement, so i'd like to feel comfortable knowing I get something too.

lildylant
by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:04 AM

 

Quoting andie646c:

I was informed by DH's lawyer that we needed to set up an estate for everything. Then in his will it would state who gets what through the estate. Otherwise, it would be possible for BM to sue me to take anything I got.

Also, state law where I am says that CS does not end at the NCP's death. It is to be taken from the estate, so BM would be entitled to it (if DH were ordered to pay CS right now, he isn't because he is CP).

So, my advice here, is talk to a lawyer about this. Since it varies by state because of state laws, it's best to get it all in order now.

 Yes, that is what I am afraid of!  Thank you, we are seeing an attorney next week.  I can't sleep so figured I'd see what you ladies thought!  Thanks!

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:09 AM
1 mom liked this
Reading stuff like this makes me thankful that DH and BM were never married. I wouldn't want to deal with all that extra worry. Plus, DH is CP and in the event of his death I would fight for custody of my SD.

Definitely talk it over with an attorney and cover your bases. I think you should ensure that whatever you bring into the marriage and whatever is acquired during your marriage belongs solely to you in the event of your fiance's death.

Quoting lildylant:

 


Quoting Tinkerbellmama: I believe that it depends on his CO. Is this something that was addressed in his CO? A minor child is entitled to social security benefits upon the death of a parent. Technically your husband's ex could sue his estate, but if there's nothing mentioned in his CO and his will leaves everything to you, thats what would happen.
Quoting lildylant:

 


Quoting annabl1970: Why don't you ask him?

 We have talked alot about it.  But since he has minor children we arent sure if everything will automatically go to them........like our joint checking account, are they entitled since it's their dad, his retirement?  Even if i'm listed as beneficiary but would they get it because they are minor children? 


In the divorce decree it states that anything he and her acuires (sp?) after the divorce neither are entitled to it.  She will receive his retirement for the years they were married but any money that goes in there after their divorce she is not entitled to.  Trust me, there is alot we need to look into I just figured I would see what cafemom members would say;)  We are going to speak with an attorney next week to ask all the billion questions we have.  I would like to know that my house, car, bank account, are not going to be handed over to his ex and kids.  They will get social security, life insurance, and his retirement, so i'd like to feel comfortable knowing I get something too.

annabl1970
by Gold Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I have no idea sorry
But maybe just in case keep your account separate?
And for sure get a lawyer and put everything in writing.


Quoting lildylant:

 


Quoting annabl1970: Why don't you ask him?

 We have talked alot about it.  But since he has minor children we arent sure if everything will automatically go to them........like our joint checking account, are they entitled since it's their dad, his retirement?  Even if i'm listed as beneficiary but would they get it because they are minor children? 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
andie646c
by Silver Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:27 AM


Quoting lildylant:


Quoting Tinkerbellmama: I believe that it depends on his CO. Is this something that was addressed in his CO? A minor child is entitled to social security benefits upon the death of a parent. Technically your husband's ex could sue his estate, but if there's nothing mentioned in his CO and his will leaves everything to you, thats what would happen.
Quoting lildylant:


Quoting annabl1970: Why don't you ask him?

 We have talked alot about it.  But since he has minor children we arent sure if everything will automatically go to them........like our joint checking account, are they entitled since it's their dad, his retirement?  Even if i'm listed as beneficiary but would they get it because they are minor children? 

In the divorce decree it states that anything he and her acuires (sp?) after the divorce neither are entitled to it.  She will receive his retirement for the years they were married but any money that goes in there after their divorce she is not entitled to.  Trust me, there is alot we need to look into I just figured I would see what cafemom members would say;)  We are going to speak with an attorney next week to ask all the billion questions we have.  I would like to know that my house, car, bank account, are not going to be handed over to his ex and kids.  They will get social security, life insurance, and his retirement, so i'd like to feel comfortable knowing I get something too.

I would def. make sure to get clarification on that. Child support is not an obligation to BM, it is an obligation to the children. The divorce decree saying that BM isn't entitled to it does't mean it can't be taken for the children. The children are entitled to support from their father. Ya know? Of all the questions you ask him, that should probably be #1, lol.

DH's lawyer had said that listing the kids as beneficiaries on his insurance policy wasn't good enough. That it could be considered a gift and that BM could still go after what I get from his life insurance and everything to pay his "child support" for the rest of the time they are adults.

Also, anything you owned before marriage does not generally become his. Even in community property states, anything owned by either spouse BEFORE the marriage, stays theirs. I owned a house before DH and I married, it is still only mine. Should I die, it is my sons. The house that DH and I bought together though, after getting married, that could end up being a fight as could anything else we've bought over the past couple of years.

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