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Posted by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:42 PM
  • 16 Replies

My kids go through years where they are very sick and other years are very healthy (by year I mean school years). 

This year my son has had herpangina (contagious, related to hand, foot, and mouth), mesenteric adenosis (same symptoms as appendecitis, but an inflammation of the lymph nodes next to the appendix), and the stomach flu - twice..

My daughter had strep multiple times, the stomach flu twice, once it lasted an entire week, she has food issues, and had a tonsilectomy. 

She missed nearly 15 days of school while my son was close to that. Everything was documented with the doctor.

I'm very cautious about illnesses and only caught the stomach flu once out of the four times my kids had it, same with my husband, neither of us caught strep (my daughter is/was prone to it, always has been and it isn't shared with anyone). The two things listed first only my son had even though they are contagious (the things listed went around my son's classroom and much of the class was sick at the same times). 

Anywho... if the CP's home can prevent the sharing of illnesses such as these (for the most part), what is a good reason for the NCP's home to get bent out of shape  over visitation happening if a kid is ill or not wanting to take visitation out of fear others will catch it as if they will almost definitely get it? 

Now, I'm not saying if the kid is too ill to move they go back and forth, but with some of these the kids were still up and about, just being careful to only touch things in their rooms and only I went in and out... so is that not something a NCP can do instead of giving up visitation? 

by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:42 PM
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by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:47 PM

Well, my DD always skipped visits when she has been sick because, well, she wants to be home.  I get what you are saying though.  My kids get sick, I rarely get it passed to me and usually no one else in the house gets it either.  I think it is that the NCP household doesn't want to go to the extra effort it takes to control sickness when it is actually the adult forgoing the visit. 

I don't know though.  I am a bad judge of this as BF always let DD decide. 

by Platinum Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:48 PM

Ex and I have 50/50 so DD17 will stay at whoever's house she is at while she is sick. 

As for a NCP (EOWE visitation), the fact that the visitation could be made up at a later date shouldn't be a big deal. I do not like sharing illnesses between households. lol

by Ruby Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:52 PM

DH and I would have no issue with SS visiting us sick and contagious, our kids are pretty tough, but it could be inconvenient for BM if SS comes home sick.

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by Bronze Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:54 PM

WE have 50/50 eow.  Our home went throught the stomach flu for what seemed like for ever.  when you have 9 ppl in the house it makes its way around and around.  When my kids went back to my ex's house they were better but then my home started getting it again.  I simply told ex that if my home was still sick that he could keep the kids a few more days as i didnt want them to be getting sick again.  Well they ended up still feeling sick and cam home.  As i said we share custody so its not just a visitation.  If the germs are already in one home no need to spread it to more people IMO. 

by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:54 PM

You know Packer, I don't see eye to eye with you on some things, but this really bugs the snot out of me.  SS was recently "sick" with a staph infection in his nose.  He came home with it from NCP's house.  NCP refused the next visitation because he was contagious.  Why yes he is, be careful, wash hands, etc.  No one in this house caught it.  It bothered me mostly, because he got it over there.  The germs are already there!

by Ruby Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:55 PM

 well if parents can co parent id say for the sick kdis to stay put and make up the time some other time.

with parents who are not civil, id say they shoudl maybe address make up time in the CO as in "sick kids can stay put at CP but NCP can have make up time."

by Ruby Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 4:57 PM

 oh. i think i misunderstood. well, i think its up to everyone involved. SO will take them anyways but since i have a baby, if they are puking id rather he make it up.

by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 5:08 PM
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In our case, it is BM (CP) that always wants to keep SD if she is sick. DH and I have no problem taking her when she is sick. Often, SD is just at the start of sniffles when her visit starts. So we get the fun of having whatever it is explode in our house :) I get everything she brings. DH has a monster immune system.

My only real complaint in this is that I end up missing a lot of work sometimes. I don't have a lot of vacation days, so this can be frustrating. BM works part time during the school year. So I don't complain too much if she tries to keep the sick kiddo with her for that reason.

As an aside, having SD with us when she is sick has actually been a really positive step in our relationship. Younger kids are really bonded to mom when they are sick - no surprise. So during one visit when she was complaining about her stomach all afternoon and saying she wanted to go home to mom, DH and I told her that was not an option and tried to care for her the best we could. That night she woke up crying about her stomach. I went in to check on her. Within a few minutes, she hurled...all over me, the bed, herself, the floor. I'm sure you moms know what I'm talking about! DH and I cleaned everything up, didn't get mad at all (which she was really scared of). Then she and I curled up on the couch and slept the rest of the night. It was one of those events that seal a relationship that you cannot plan or create. You just have to show up and give the kid what they need. I'd rather not have a sick kid, in general. But I wouldn't trade the trust I earn with her during those times.

by Gold Member on Jul. 8, 2014 at 5:09 PM

Maybe if there's an infant or elderly in the home?  Depending on the nature of the illness, rescheduling may be perfectly valid to protect a more fragile family member.

BM has only refused visitation when she didn't want to get sick with something funky the kids had.  Like you, I've managed to navigate the stomach flu on multiple occasions without getting ill myself, so I don't really buy the excuse. 

As SM, there have been times I didn't want the SKs to visit BM because she or SF were sick.  That was particularly the case right after my LO was born, but that was just something I had to keep to myself and pray about.  They're kids.  Cooties happen.  Life goes on.

by on Jul. 8, 2014 at 5:11 PM

We have SD 35-40% of the time and SS all the time except EOWE.  If it's DH's off week and SD is sick she generally stays with BM and vice versa. It really isn't an issue with us.  Kids get sick.

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