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When the "line" is crossed...

Posted by on Jul. 9, 2014 at 12:20 AM
  • 26 Replies

So I've been thinking. My situation with my YDD's dad and girlfriend (exh) isn't the 'norm' I guess you can say. ExH cheated on me with my best friend of 15 years you guessed it we are no longer friends, nor do we talk. 

So...I'm curious..Since she was my best friend for 15 years and decided to screw my husband in my marital home...It doesnt stop me from telling her how it is, if it came down to it. She put herself in that situation. Or telling her where she belongs, when it comes to telling mine and my exh's daughter things that arent true, Tells her she doesnt need things because "she doesnt think she is old enough for it, or changes my story to my 5 year old about where my sister is since she has passed away, etc. 

How would you feel if that happened to you (ex best friend changing stories, or telling your child they don't need things cause "she says so"). Does me having the right to say something to her stop once i divorced my exh? I have only gone to exh about about her saying that my DD didnt need something, it was a xmas present. But if it did continue, it won't stop me from telling her how i feel and that she needs to knock it off.


your thoughts?

by on Jul. 9, 2014 at 12:20 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 12:30 AM

I think I'd be pissed about changing the story about how your sister died... The other stuff I could probably let go. Does she think you are giving to many details or something. She was just a baby when she died right?

SKW86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 12:40 AM

DD was a few months away from being 5. My sister just passed away 9months ago. My girls know how my sister died and from what. They know she was sick for 9 years, and even saw her in the hospital the day before she passed away.

The thing that pisses me off about what she says to my DD about my sister is that i have told my kids that their Auntie is in the clouds, she is on every cloud all the time watching over us. DD out of no where said to me "mom is auntie okay?, is she watching us?, Is she really on ALL the clouds watching us? 

I told her "yes she is every where we go, she is all better now, no more cancer, (very minimal things since she is 5.)" Exh and I agreed it would be better for me to wait to tell DD, till i coud handle losing my sister myself. DD ending up finding out when my sister wasnt at my parents house one day when we stopped by, and she asked questions and I answered them, we had a good cry, still do cry its still a fresh wound. Anyways, after I told DD that Yes she is on every cloud, she immiatly said "well A says she isnt on every cloud watching us, she is only on one"

I told her "well A is wrong and she is on every cloud watching us every day."

it just makes me mad that she changes the story about MY sister.

Quoting Polkadotted:

I think I'd be pissed about changing the story about how your sister died... The other stuff I could probably let go. Does she think you are giving to many details or something. She was just a baby when she died right?


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 1:08 AM
1 mom liked this
I don't know. That's a tough question. You've known her a long time. At one point she was someone you could be open and honest to. That's what friends do. But things have changed. So I really don't have an answer for that.

I deal with the same shit and the woman wasn't even the other woman. She likes to re-write history. History she was not even a member of. It drives me insane. I don't even say anything to dad or to her. I just correct the misinformation with my child and move on.

She told my daughter - who was old enough to remember - that mom and dad (me and ex) were not married and did not live together. Dd remembers us living together. She remembers our home and moving out of our home. She also remembers her dad living there alone before he met SM. She remembers meeting SM. So when SM tries to say that dad and SM have always been together and have always lived in the house they live in - my dd knows she is full of shit but sometimes just feels confused and messed up. Like her head wants to explode. I show her pictures to correct the lies. Without calling her a liar (although I am real close to no longer protecting SM. She's about to get called a liar next time this comes up). I show her pics of our wedding. Of our house being built. A home we designed and planned together and documented in photos. I have photos ranging from our house warming party to our wedding to bringing home baby. Decorating the nursery. And several years of birthday parties and family gatherings. Christmas and other holidays. I show them to her. She knows SM is lying and just trying to mess with her memories. I empower dd with the truth with PROOF and then hopefully one day dd is just going to tell her SM - you're a lying scumbag and I can't believe a word that comes out of your mouth. And I am done protecting them.

Eta: before I get bashed by a newbie who doesn't know my story. Showing my dd13 photos of the past was recommended by my daughters therapist who was concerned for my daughter's mental well being after being told numerous bogus lies by her SM. I don't just hang on to photos and sit around the family table reminiscing. This was something we scheduled to do after a therapy appointment where my dd voiced concern over 'losing her memories'. I sat down and told her our life story from beginning to end with photos. In hopes I could combat the crazy that she deals with every other weekend. And it worked.
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Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 1:19 AM
3 moms liked this
Honestly... if my best friend slept with my husband, I'd probably be facing assault charges.
SKW86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 1:21 AM

sidesplittinglaughter

Quoting Tinkerbellmama: Honestly... if my best friend slept with my husband, I'd probably be facing assault charges.


Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 1:21 AM

I don't know why I had that in my head. It seemed longer. maybe because I knew she was sick.. Is this your older one or your younger one? ugh never mind... younger right?  I forget how long I've been on here. That was when you came back-ish.

Anyway... I'd probably be as pissed as you. Like salt on a wound.

Quoting SKW86:

DD was a few months away from being 5. My sister just passed away 9months ago. My girls know how my sister died and from what. They know she was sick for 9 years, and even saw her in the hospital the day before she passed away.

The thing that pisses me off about what she says to my DD about my sister is that i have told my kids that their Auntie is in the clouds, she is on every cloud all the time watching over us. DD out of no where said to me "mom is auntie okay?, is she watching us?, Is she really on ALL the clouds watching us? 

I told her "yes she is every where we go, she is all better now, no more cancer, (very minimal things since she is 5.)" Exh and I agreed it would be better for me to wait to tell DD, till i coud handle losing my sister myself. DD ending up finding out when my sister wasnt at my parents house one day when we stopped by, and she asked questions and I answered them, we had a good cry, still do cry its still a fresh wound. Anyways, after I told DD that Yes she is on every cloud, she immiatly said "well A says she isnt on every cloud watching us, she is only on one"

I told her "well A is wrong and she is on every cloud watching us every day."

it just makes me mad that she changes the story about MY sister.

Quoting Polkadotted:

I think I'd be pissed about changing the story about how your sister died... The other stuff I could probably let go. Does she think you are giving to many details or something. She was just a baby when she died right?


SKW86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 1:33 AM

Older. I don't have a younger sibling....that i know of ;P

Quoting Polkadotted:

I don't know why I had that in my head. It seemed longer. maybe because I knew she was sick.. Is this your older one or your younger one? ugh never mind... younger right?  I forget how long I've been on here. That was when you came back-ish.

Anyway... I'd probably be as pissed as you. Like salt on a wound.

Quoting SKW86:

DD was a few months away from being 5. My sister just passed away 9months ago. My girls know how my sister died and from what. They know she was sick for 9 years, and even saw her in the hospital the day before she passed away.

The thing that pisses me off about what she says to my DD about my sister is that i have told my kids that their Auntie is in the clouds, she is on every cloud all the time watching over us. DD out of no where said to me "mom is auntie okay?, is she watching us?, Is she really on ALL the clouds watching us? 

I told her "yes she is every where we go, she is all better now, no more cancer, (very minimal things since she is 5.)" Exh and I agreed it would be better for me to wait to tell DD, till i coud handle losing my sister myself. DD ending up finding out when my sister wasnt at my parents house one day when we stopped by, and she asked questions and I answered them, we had a good cry, still do cry its still a fresh wound. Anyways, after I told DD that Yes she is on every cloud, she immiatly said "well A says she isnt on every cloud watching us, she is only on one"

I told her "well A is wrong and she is on every cloud watching us every day."

it just makes me mad that she changes the story about MY sister.

Quoting Polkadotted:

I think I'd be pissed about changing the story about how your sister died... The other stuff I could probably let go. Does she think you are giving to many details or something. She was just a baby when she died right?


AnnieChristian_
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 1:40 AM
I don't even know what to say...what a tramp!

It would be really hard for me not to hate the both of them. Are you asking can you tell her how you feel about her BS? You're a grown woman, you can tell this dirtbag of an ex BFF whatever you want but I don't think it would help the situation in the long run. I guess the mature/really hard thing to do, is make peace with it - forgive her and XH's actions for YOURSELF, not for them - and just live your life. Pick your battles about her dumb comments to your daughter-confront her if it's something big and totally unacceptable. If she changes stories you've told your daughter, tell her SM really wouldn't know where your sister is because she is YOUR family so of course, your sister wouldn't be on every cloud watching SM. With her telling your daughter what she doesn't need, who cares - I would ignore it. Or I'd tell my kid, "Well lucky for you, she's not your mama. High five!" (but that's probably not the right thing to say lol).

Sorry, I want to give you constructive advice on how to deal with your child's SM maturely and respectfully but I'm biased because I already don't like her from what I read lol. Like I can't even play devil's advocate with this.
SKW86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 1:48 AM

Well when it was something that she said my DD didnt need, i told DD to tell her "well your not my mom so if my mom wants to buy it for me at her house she can".

I told BF the same thing, and he said he has told her that also. I do let most of it go. I have only brought up the thing at xmas time to BF. But if it continues i wouldn't hesitate to say something to her and or BF. 

BF has told me several times, he has had the "talk" with her, that she needs to learn her place. Sad thing is i know how this chick works when it comes to kids that aren't hers. She took over her current husband's daughter and made all decisions for that kid. 

Quoting AnnieChristian_: I don't even know what to say...what a tramp! It would be really hard for me not to hate the both of them. Are you asking can you tell her how you feel about her BS? You're a grown woman, you can tell this dirtbag of an ex BFF whatever you want but I don't think it would help the situation in the long run. I guess the mature/really hard thing to do, is make peace with it - forgive her and XH's actions for YOURSELF, not for them - and just live your life. Pick your battles about her dumb comments to your daughter-confront her if it's something big and totally unacceptable. If she changes stories you've told your daughter, tell her SM really wouldn't know where your sister is because she is YOUR family so of course, your sister wouldn't be on every cloud watching SM. With her telling your daughter what she doesn't need, who cares - I would ignore it. Or I'd tell my kid, "Well lucky for you, she's not your mama. High five!" (but that's probably not the right thing to say lol). Sorry, I want to give you constructive advice on how to deal with your child's SM maturely and respectfully but I'm biased because I already don't like her from what I read lol. Like I can't even play devil's advocate with this.


AnnieChristian_
by Bronze Member on Jul. 9, 2014 at 2:00 AM
Say whaaaa? Her current husband?! So she's still married to someone else?! Omg your XH picked a freakin winner. What is wrong with him?! He admittedly has to "put her in her place" in regards to his DD, she's his XW's ex-best friend, unfaithful (as is he) AND she's still married. Is her vagina made out of diamonds or something?

Quoting SKW86:

Well when it was something that she said my DD didnt need, i told DD to tell her "well your not my mom so if my mom wants to buy it for me at her house she can".

I told BF the same thing, and he said he has told her that also. I do let most of it go. I have only brought up the thing at xmas time to BF. But if it continues i wouldn't hesitate to say something to her and or BF. 

BF has told me several times, he has had the "talk" with her, that she needs to learn her place. Sad thing is i know how this chick works when it comes to kids that aren't hers. She took over her current husband's daughter and made all decisions for that kid. 

Quoting AnnieChristian_: I don't even know what to say...what a tramp!



It would be really hard for me not to hate the both of them. Are you asking can you tell her how you feel about her BS? You're a grown woman, you can tell this dirtbag of an ex BFF whatever you want but I don't think it would help the situation in the long run. I guess the mature/really hard thing to do, is make peace with it - forgive her and XH's actions for YOURSELF, not for them - and just live your life. Pick your battles about her dumb comments to your daughter-confront her if it's something big and totally unacceptable. If she changes stories you've told your daughter, tell her SM really wouldn't know where your sister is because she is YOUR family so of course, your sister wouldn't be on every cloud watching SM. With her telling your daughter what she doesn't need, who cares - I would ignore it. Or I'd tell my kid, "Well lucky for you, she's not your mama. High five!" (but that's probably not the right thing to say lol).



Sorry, I want to give you constructive advice on how to deal with your child's SM maturely and respectfully but I'm biased because I already don't like her from what I read lol. Like I can't even play devil's advocate with this.

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