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visits and money?

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 10:52 AM
  • 92 Replies
1 mom liked this
So am I being a step witch?

DH won't get a job. He insists on having extended summer visits although he cannot provide in the home. I feel he should not have extended summer visits because he is not working and he doesn't get to decide for ME what I provide for his child.

Am I being evil.

I said two weeks is fine. Not four or six.
by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 10:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
hopeful_leslie
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:00 AM
You married him and his children, reverse the role. How would you feel if he was the one working and told you the same thing? Kinda heartbreaking IMO
GloBug62
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:02 AM

 If there was a conversation about him not working and that was okay, I would say you are not being fair. However, if DH was expected to get a job and now refuses that's a whole other situation. Doesn't matter if you married a guy with a kid, knowing he had a kid. They Dad is still responsible for providing for his children.

Wednesday800
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:04 AM

Did your DH previously have a job, but then quit so that he could have several weeks not working to spend with his kids?  Does he plan on getting a new job after the visitation is over?  You just have a huge DH issue.

OvertiredMommy
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:06 AM
We don't think of it as his/ her money or responsibility. Every aspect of our life is ours, except his whack job baby mama! When it comes to the 4 kids, mine live here, his doesnt, we handle it. I could never in a million yrs tell him if he wasnt working , he could not be dad to his kids, and vice versa with mine!
bestefforts
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:08 AM

So are you mad that he is not working? Or do you just not want his kids to visit that long? This sounds like a marriage issue - not a kid issue. You need to work out your money issues with DH. Who is going to work? What are the expenses of the household (this is where the kids show up)? And proceed.

And what is the big cost in having the kids there 4 weeks, instead of 2? Is he staying home with the kids and entertaining them in fiscally responsible ways? (games, parks, etc.) Or is he Disneyland dad? (travelling, going to high cost activities...amusement parks, etc.)

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:09 AM
4 moms liked this

From my understanding this is a man who has been asked repeatedly to start contributing financially and refuses to do so. 

I have no sympathy towards him. It is not the op's responsibility to carry him financially when he is able to work yet chooses not to. When you are a parent you do not have that luxury.

Quoting hopeful_leslie: You married him and his children, reverse the role. How would you feel if he was the one working and told you the same thing? Kinda heartbreaking IMO

 

BrownEyedGirl86
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:11 AM

If he doesn't work the other x amoutn of weeks of the year and you are ok with that why is it a bad thing that he wants to spend more time with his children in the summer when they can,  

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:11 AM

Here is the op's other post about him:

Long.

DH won't get a damp job.

So...He has 2 kids from two previous relationships and only admits to one of them. He never told me about the second child.

We have one of our own.

He won't get a damp job so I have to pay for everything including his child support and food and shot when he insists on having visits with his favorite child.

I have paid for three training classes including a welding course and now he says he doesn't want to weld.

I snapped broke down into tears and we fought. I told him to get the he'll out or get a job

Now he says he hates me and won't speak to me. He says he resents that he stayed home with our son.

So? He wasn't working at the time anyway and he is in school now. He said he wanted to do computer science so I put him through community college while son was an infant.

I'm so upset.

soooowhatnow
by Bronze Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:13 AM
The extra food, water, etc galls on me.

He is not temporarily unemployed he refuses to work.
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 11:14 AM
1 mom liked this

Have the two of you agreed he'll be a SAHD?  Or is he unemployed and content to stay that way as long as someone else is paying the bills?

If he's a SAHD by agreement, I'd say you're being evil.  If he's just lazy and milking your income, then you have every right to set boundaries.

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