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Established Precedent, is it too late for change?

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:22 PM
  • 79 Replies

This is a hypothetical very loosely based on my situation.

If SS has always spent his summer vacation with his maternal grandparents, about the last 7 to 8 years. SS is now 13 years old, would you say because of the established precendent that his father should not seek a change to the schedule where he get two weeks of the summer vacation with his son to spend with him and his family? Is it too late after all these years?

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:32 PM
1 mom liked this

No.  It is not too late. 

Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:35 PM
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 I am having a hard time coming up with a reasonable argument in why it would be too late.  Hmm.

Leigh84
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:36 PM
No, it's not too late. Your DH asking for 2 weeks in the summer is more than reasonable.
WickedPissah
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:36 PM
Not too late. But I'd be flexible.
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:52 PM

It never hurts to ask, things can change at any time.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:54 PM
1 mom liked this

No.  But understand it might be hard.  if in his 13 years your DH has never spent summer vacation with his son, it will be difficult if BM chooses to fight it.

My advice would be to approach it carefully and respectfully.  Acknowlege and own that he has not wanted this in the past and that he was probably wrong not to.  Ask his son what he thinks of the request.  Be ready to accept that it might not be desired.

I think when people approach these situations owning their part of the issue, success is easier to achieve.

But calling BM a liar will not help her want to do anything for DH.

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:57 PM
Not necessarily, but in your case I would say he should just leave the poor kid alone. Besides, it's not like you want him around anyway, and you've screwed with the kids life enough in your bitter quest to make things difficult for bm.
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Wait.  Do you want to allow your DH to do this or are you hoping to find reasons that your DH shouldn't do this?

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 1:59 PM
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Oh I can.

Judge, my son's father has never wanted his son for summer vacations in the 13 years he has been alive.  His father rarely takes his visitation as it is.  His SM has made it clear that my son is not part of her family and he has not been welcome.  As a matter of fact, SM forced my ex to evict me and my son from the only home my son has ever known.  His grandparents have been a more consistent part of my son's lief than his father has.  I worry that such a drastic change after all this time for such a long period of time in an environment where is not welcome would be harmful.  Perhaps we can work towards two weeks.

Quoting Silent_Sea:

 I am having a hard time coming up with a reasonable argument in why it would be too late.  Hmm.


MBanks524
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 2:39 PM
Absolutely not to late. My HD didn't use to take his summer time with his DD because he didn't have summers off. I'm a teacher, I do, so we work it out with BM every year now.
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