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Is it her place

Posted by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:48 PM
  • 73 Replies
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To tell the SKS why their mom and dad's marriage didn't last?

I know someone who recently told her SKS the reason and it pissed both BPS off.

I personally have been asked this by my own SD but direct her to ask her mom and dad. Her mom has told her it's because they were to good of friends to be married. The actual reason was because her mom had sex issues (not naming them) and would for months not have sex, and her dad repeatedly cheated on her.

Neither of them want their daughter to think bad of the other parent. Why would someone else think it's okay to answer this question for the ones it actually happened to? It should be the people that were a part of that relationship to tell the kids why it ended. IMO
by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:55 PM

 man theres no way id step in that shit pile.

in my case, i got divorced because A. we only were together because we got pregnant and were trying to do the right thing, B. he cheated on me several times and would go months without working but whenever he had a job was a complete asshole, which led to C. i cheated on him because i didnt respect him at all and he never gave me any attention. then he started beating me and tried to kill me a couple times. the whole situation was awful. we both held fault. but i never told my kids anything. HE kept telling them i cheated. *I* kept telling him it wasnt the whole truth but it was grown folk business, and not to worry because we both loved them.

in SO's case, they got divorced because BM cheated on him with some married cop and when he first found out he didnt leave but he stayed on the couch. well, he caught her STILL cheating w the same guy so he left then. the kids knew why they split up, because she would take the dude around them saying he was just a friend but dont tell dad.

MBanks524
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:57 PM
Yep, I keep directing SD to her parents. I don't want to tell her the negative truth. If she is ever to find out it will be from mom and dad.

Quoting faerie75:

 man theres no way id step in that shit pile.


in my case, i got divorced because A. we only were together because we got pregnant and were trying to do the right thing, B. he cheated on me several times and would go months without working but whenever he had a job was a complete asshole, which led to C. i cheated on him because i didnt respect him at all and he never gave me any attention. then he started beating me and tried to kill me a couple times. the whole situation was awful. we both held fault. but i never told my kids anything. HE kept telling them i cheated. *I* kept telling him it wasnt the whole truth but it was grown folk business, and not to worry because we both loved them.


in SO's case, they got divorced because BM cheated on him with some married cop and when he first found out he didnt leave but he stayed on the couch. well, he caught her STILL cheating w the same guy so he left then. the kids knew why they split up, because she would take the dude around them saying he was just a friend but dont tell dad.

leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:58 PM
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Definitely not SM's place. The persons in the marriage many times couldn't even tell you specifically what ended their relationship because usually it is a number of things over a number of years so not sure how someone who is not a party to the relationship know exactly.

MBanks524
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 6:59 PM
True

Quoting leegirl_jm:

Definitely not SM's place. The persons in the marriage many times couldn't even tell you specifically what ended their relationship because usually it is a number of things over a number of years so not sure how someone who is not a party to the relationship know exactly.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:01 PM
Honestly, I wouldn't answer that question if SD asked. I only know second hand information. I'd tell her she needed to talk to her parents about that.

SD is 14 and has never asked. Only one time has she ever spoken about BM and DH together, but it was just SD asking if it was true that they were together when SD was a baby (she has no memories of them together, they split when SD was in the NICU). DH just said no, they broke up before SD came home from the hospital. SD just said, "I thought so."
Linagma03
by Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:03 PM
I never told my sk anything about the relationship and lack there of between their parents the only thing I ever said to them was what involved he and I.
cali_gurl
by on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:19 PM
1 mom liked this

If my ss asked me I would be very vague but answer him. I wouldn't tell him his mom cheated on his dad and that is what broke them up. LOL But yes I would also direct him to talk to his dad for details.

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:24 PM
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So your husband couldn't keep it in his pants? For better or worse unless he's not getting laid? 

MBanks524
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:41 PM
There was much more to it than that, that I'm not going to get into, but yes he cheated on his ex. That's not what this post is about. They were both in the wrong in the relationship. Both made mistakes.

Quoting packermom4ever:

So your husband couldn't keep it in his pants? For better or worse unless he's not getting laid? 

CFSTBSM27
by Silver Member on Jul. 16, 2014 at 7:50 PM
The only thing I've ever heard SD say even regarding BM and DH as anything other than her mom and her dad is one day she said yeah my mom said they weren't for each other. She was two she has no memory of them. So it has never been an issue or anything awkward that I've been asked. But in general no it's never anyone but the parents place to discuss anything like that with their child.
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