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Over the drama

Posted by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 12:46 AM
  • 20 Replies
Hi Step moms,
I have two adult step sons both of which act like I don't exist. I've tried to get to know them only for them to talk behind my back & post crap about me on the internet. They make no efforts to get to know my two girls an act like we are below them.
I've given up, I ignore them an make every effort to not be around when they ( not often) visit their Dad.
When my Husband mentions them, I don't reply. He knows how they are but thinks they are great kids. I'm fine with his thinking regarding them but I have no desire to make any efforts. Am I in the right to act as if they don't exist?
by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 12:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KiwiMumto3
by Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 12:58 AM
1 mom liked this

They are adults and you have the right to disenage from negativity in your life. If your husband gets to the point where he wants all his family members to make an effort, he'll have to discuss it with his son's, set the boundaries and expectations and pull them up each and every time they are rude to you. Till then, be true to yourself, if that means you can be civil and cordial when they are around, politely say hello and then excuse yourself, if your husband mentions them, "that's nice dear. What would you like for dinner tomorrow?" You certainly don't have to spend any of your time, money or energy on them.

cdrainey3
by Cher on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:00 AM
What has happened when they talk bad about you? Are you just sitting there with a smile and they still choose to be mean and talk bad, or has something happened to make them do these things? I feel like I need to know that, before I say if its good to pretend they don't exist.
Nononsense
by Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:04 AM


Quoting cdrainey3: What has happened when they talk bad about you? Are you just sitting there with a smile and they still choose to be mean and talk bad, or has something happened to make them do these things? I feel like I need to know that, before I say if its good to pretend they don't exist.
Nononsense
by Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:08 AM
They appear to be unhappy about their parents divorce an blame me for that. I've always been nice to them an they are ok to my face but then speak about me behind my back. There has been no reason for them to act this way.

Quoting Nononsense:

Quoting cdrainey3: What has happened when they talk bad about you? Are you just sitting there with a smile and they still choose to be mean and talk bad, or has something happened to make them do these things? I feel like I need to know that, before I say if its good to pretend they don't exist.
lousidd
by Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:45 AM
2 moms liked this
Is the divorce or your marriage recent? Even adult skids can act like bratty children when it comes to a parents divorce, especially if it's recent. I think you should continue to try to build a relationship with them. I went through a similar type thing when my parents got divorced and my dad remarried. I was 28 but you'd have thought I was 15 with how I acted at times (I'm embarrassed to admit). It takes time to build those relationships and it's better you be the bigger person. In the long run you may find its worth it, especially if you aren't cutting someone out of your life who is very important to your dh.
Nononsense
by Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 1:50 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm referring to my husband & his Ex wife ( their divorce ) My step children blame me for that demise.
I think your advice is good. I'm hoping that you're right an that they will come around someday😃

Quoting lousidd: Is the divorce or your marriage recent? Even adult skids can act like bratty children when it comes to a parents divorce, especially if it's recent. I think you should continue to try to build a relationship with them. I went through a similar type thing when my parents got divorced and my dad remarried. I was 28 but you'd have thought I was 15 with how I acted at times (I'm embarrassed to admit). It takes time to build those relationships and it's better you be the bigger person. In the long run you may find its worth it, especially if you aren't cutting someone out of your life who is very important to your dh.
MBanks524
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 3:51 AM
Why do they blame you for the divorce?
6isus
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 7:23 AM
There isn't hope if you choose to ignore them. What's the age diff between you and the adult kids?

Quoting Nononsense: I'm referring to my husband & his Ex wife ( their divorce ) My step children blame me for that demise.
I think your advice is good. I'm hoping that you're right an that they will come around someday😃

Quoting lousidd: Is the divorce or your marriage recent? Even adult skids can act like bratty children when it comes to a parents divorce, especially if it's recent. I think you should continue to try to build a relationship with them. I went through a similar type thing when my parents got divorced and my dad remarried. I was 28 but you'd have thought I was 15 with how I acted at times (I'm embarrassed to admit). It takes time to build those relationships and it's better you be the bigger person. In the long run you may find its worth it, especially if you aren't cutting someone out of your life who is very important to your dh.
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 7:33 AM

What are they saying about you behind your back?

And how do you hear about it?

tiafez
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 8:36 AM

you need to tell who ever is tattling to you that you do not care to know what they say. Then just live your life and let your husband deal with them. They are adults, not children. 

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