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Need advice from other stepmoms

Posted by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 8:46 AM
  • 79 Replies

Hi Everyone,

I need your help.  First let me say...I am not the stepmom.  My ex husband recently got remarried to a woman who loves my son...great right???  Problem is that I feel she is too involved with some things.  My biggest issue right now is that while my ex is deployed they feel as though his wife should have the same visitation as when he is not deployed.  Our current arrangement while he is here is that we do week on week off, switching out every Monday.  I do not feel that my son should spend the same amount of time with her while his Dad is gone.  We also have the arrangement that since we divide time evenely while he is here we do not pay each other any sort of child support.  However when he has been gone he always has.  This time, however, since I don't want my son to spend every other week with her he has decided not to pay any sort of child support.  I'm over the edge with anger. 

What are your thoughts stepmoms?  Do you think that my son should continue going over there everyother week?  Please help!


Thanks!

by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 8:46 AM
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Replies (1-10):
tiafez
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 8:49 AM
1 mom liked this

what does your court order say? maybe it's time to see your atty about rewording it?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 8:51 AM
1 mom liked this

I personally do not think your son should continue going to SM's house when Dad is deployed. However, I think I remember that in many cases, the court has ruled that the visitation should remain the same when dad is deployed, so as not to put servicepeople at a disadvantage, custody-wise.

I would check with a lawyer, then file a motion to suspend visitatin until he returns. I would also ask for child support in that motion.

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 8:51 AM
1 mom liked this

Can you blame him for changing how he does things when you change how you do things?  Does your son have siblings with SM?

Smiley0881
by New Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 8:58 AM

No my son does not have any siblings.  I just believe that my child should be with a biological parent.  My ex is not fighting me for keeping my son while he is gone, he is just playing games by not giving financial support this time.  Our custody paperwork does not say anything about custody when he deploys because when we had it drawn up neither of us were in a relationship.  I would never force him to have trav stay with my significany other if I left town...I would have my son spend as much time with his Dad as possible.  From what I understand in NC there is a law where visitation would be the same even througha  deployment but I dont think my ex knows about it and frankly I don't agree with it.

Smiley0881
by New Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 8:58 AM

As SM's would you want custody to remain the same?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 9:00 AM
2 moms liked this

then, I would not make any waves. If you make a big deal out of this, he will discover that law, and then you will have to fight him on that. Best to just suck it up, don't pursue CS, and just be glad he doesn't know about that law.

Quoting Smiley0881:

No my son does not have any siblings.  I just believe that my child should be with a biological parent.  My ex is not fighting me for keeping my son while he is gone, he is just playing games by not giving financial support this time.  Our custody paperwork does not say anything about custody when he deploys because when we had it drawn up neither of us were in a relationship.  I would never force him to have trav stay with my significany other if I left town...I would have my son spend as much time with his Dad as possible.  From what I understand in NC there is a law where visitation would be the same even througha  deployment but I dont think my ex knows about it and frankly I don't agree with it.


Mom_2_Ava
by New Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 9:00 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree that it needs to be officially worded in the CO, so my recommendation is to file something with an attorney.  I would completely agree with you that if he is deployed your son should not continue with the fifty fifty with just the SM.  But a court should word that, and include a decision about child support. 

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 9:03 AM

That depends. In my personal sitch (as a SM)... the answer is, maybe. My stepkids stay here when my DH goes on a business trip, they don't go stay with their mother. She has never asked for them, and in fact, she doesn't even use all the parenting time she has. She would want them to stay here.

But, as a SM, I might like a break, so.... I might like them to be with her. If my DH were gone for, let's say -- 6 months straight, I'd probalby want them to go live with their mother.  That is, if she were willing to take them, which in my case, she probably wouldn't be.

(my stepkids are 15 and 19 so this is a moot point in my sitch, so I'm speaking mostly about the past when they were younger).

Quoting Smiley0881:

As SM's would you want custody to remain the same?


CFSTBSM27
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:12 AM
SD is here often when DH is not but if he was gone for an extended period of time as an SM I would NOT be ok with having to be a babysitter for the sake of a "schedule". I love SD but she isn't here to see me. If BM or SD asked me for a day or two then maybe but that's my choice I should not be obligated to do so lol unless BM or DH pays me like any other daycare!
Not saying I wouldn't want her here but like I said I am not the BP I should not be involved or obligated by what schedule DH and BM decide.
You are not wrong to say you don't want her with SM IF it's for the right reason
Bubbles2014
by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:26 AM
1 mom liked this
You can't have it both ways.
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