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Kids and Too Much EC's

Posted by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:44 AM
  • 24 Replies

 SS was in 7th grade last year. We pretty much let him pick all the EC's he wanted within reason of time and cost. Even though we had adviced him not to get involved in too many activities he tried to do too much anyways, as a result some of his grades suffered. He was grounded often because of his grades. We were hoping the whole natural consequences thing would kick in and he would realize that he really didn't have the time to do so much again this year. However, after talking with him he commented on doing all the same stuff again this year and he wants to add more EC's. I hate having to tell him he can't participate in something but we pretty much decided he has to eliminate at least two EC's from his schedule. He does not pay attention to whether or not the schedules conflict. He does not want to put in the extra work when he gets home. After he's had a 9 hour day, including sports practice, or student counsil meetings, or extra band practices; he wants to just come home and be lazy. He thinks he's earned it but he doesn't realize "oh yeah, I have homework". Then he's always trying to get out of it. After all the frustation this caused last year, I discussed with DH cutting some of his EC's back, which DH agreed to. DH is most concerned with education and grades, and SS simply couldn't maintain the grades we know he's capable of because he was too overloaded with EC's. I know SS is going to be bummed that we are making him cut back but he won't do it himself.

How do you manage your kids EC's? How much organization and time management do you expect the child to do? Generally, I was constantly reminding SS that his schedules were conflicting. It's very frustrating and I want to eliminate some of that frustration this year.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

by on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:44 AM
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Replies (1-10):
OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:49 AM

I limit it to 2 ECs at one time period.  If an EC is only in the Fall, then they can do something else in the spring.  Even if we could afford multiple ECs, we don't have the time to get the kids where they need to be. 

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 10:57 AM
I only have one child, so it's easy for me to align schedules- so I'm no help there.

Are these ECs school based? Or private ECs? Most schools I've known will kick a kid out of ECs or bench them if their grades suffer.
cdrainey3
by Cher on Jul. 17, 2014 at 11:02 AM
2 moms liked this
If grades are failing then my kids would be cutting back too. In our state, when the kids get to high school they have to maintain a certain gpa before they can play any sports with the schools. I agree with that and will hold my kids to the same standard.
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this

My SKs' ECs are not through school, so DH and I can take them off the table when grades are falling behind. 

For SD15, the idea of losing her EC is sufficient to keep her on task.  When she does forget about something, it's an all out panic, completely with apologies and tears and scrambling to catch up.  She is old enough to understand the grades are most important, and although school isn't fun for her, she is (mostly) keeping her priorities in order.  When she was 12, however, she was incapable of any time management and, like your SS, wanted to do everything.  It was in 7th grade when she signed herself up for extra activities against strict instruction not to.  In her tweenaged brain, she thought she was going to prove to us that she could do it all.  She bombed it all instead, but she also learned from the experience.

If I were you, I would stop reminding SS of the conflicting schedules.  I would also not be a participant in some of the scheduling.  If he is old enough to choose his ECs, then he is old enough to take on some of the logistics himself.  Don't take the pressure of the grades.  He doesn't earn evenings off on account of choosing to commit to extra work. 

I think one of the best things for SD was realizing for herself that she could not participate as consistently or up to her own standard in her ECs because there were just too many.  At that age, it was safe to allow her to stumble and fail and ultimately figure out that greatness in a select few areas trumps mediocrity in many areas.  The pitfall would be if your SS manages to pull off the crazy, overbooked schedule.

CFSTBSM27
by Silver Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 11:19 AM
I think grades are more important than ECs.
SD is only starting 5th grade this year,to be honest I'm not even sure what her grades are like. @-@ but she is only doing gymnastics recreationally. Sorry that's not much help tho
GloBug62
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 11:31 AM

 The required grade point average is 2.5 for the school. That is far under what we require. SS is fully capable of getting all A's, however, we are okay with B's. But if he's getting less than B's we know he's not doing the work 100%.

It's not that his schedule conflicts with mine or DH's. We just make it work with our work schedules or his Grandma helps out. His EC schedules end up conflicting with each other.

Quoting PumpkinSpice8: I only have one child, so it's easy for me to align schedules- so I'm no help there. Are these ECs school based? Or private ECs? Most schools I've known will kick a kid out of ECs or bench them if their grades suffer.

 

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

GloBug62
by Bronze Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 11:34 AM

 Agree with all of this, especially the the bolded comment. This is something we have talked to him about several times.

Quoting Derdriu:

My SKs' ECs are not through school, so DH and I can take them off the table when grades are falling behind. 

For SD15, the idea of losing her EC is sufficient to keep her on task.  When she does forget about something, it's an all out panic, completely with apologies and tears and scrambling to catch up.  She is old enough to understand the grades are most important, and although school isn't fun for her, she is (mostly) keeping her priorities in order.  When she was 12, however, she was incapable of any time management and, like your SS, wanted to do everything.  It was in 7th grade when she signed herself up for extra activities against strict instruction not to.  In her tweenaged brain, she thought she was going to prove to us that she could do it all.  She bombed it all instead, but she also learned from the experience.

If I were you, I would stop reminding SS of the conflicting schedules.  I would also not be a participant in some of the scheduling.  If he is old enough to choose his ECs, then he is old enough to take on some of the logistics himself.  Don't take the pressure of the grades.  He doesn't earn evenings off on account of choosing to commit to extra work. 

I think one of the best things for SD was realizing for herself that she could not participate as consistently or up to her own standard in her ECs because there were just too many.  At that age, it was safe to allow her to stumble and fail and ultimately figure out that greatness in a select few areas trumps mediocrity in many areas.  The pitfall would be if your SS manages to pull off the crazy, overbooked schedule.

 

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.  

Wednesday800
by Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 11:37 AM
1 mom liked this

Our kids need to maintain a minimum B average grade, otherwise all ECs are taken away.  Simple as that.

Mom_2_Ava
by New Member on Jul. 17, 2014 at 12:00 PM
1 mom liked this

Life is full of choices and we need to guide our children in how to make these choices and how to prioritize.  We limit the choice of 2 ECs per season.  Choice is hard, but that's life.  School is first.  ECs would go if grades even began to suffer.  No discussion.  

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Jul. 17, 2014 at 12:16 PM

When I was growing up and where my kids attend you can't be in ECs (bad, clubs, orchestra, sports) unless you maintain a certain grade point average. 

We just manage. My kids are in a couple each  year; I've taught them from an early age about managing time and working on priorities and getting the work done first.

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