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Bringing SK's on family vacation when they live far away

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 2:05 AM
  • 13 Replies

I REALLY want to go to Disney world next year. It would be me,hubby and our 3 kids we have together. I also have 3 sks. The older two are grown up,working adults. The youngest is a preteen. The kids don't live in same state as us anymore so we only see them a few days about every two-three months. Would it be wrong to take a family vacation, just our family together, no stepkids? I know the younger stepchild is still DH's kid, so should we at least pay for him to go with us? The thing  is, my stepkids get to go on vacation with their mom and do outings, entertainment,etc, just as we do as well since we don't live in the same state and still enjoy life when the stepkids aren't here.

Would it be wrong for me and my husband to just take our 3 on a really nice vacation without his other kids? Do you think they would be upset?

by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 2:05 AM
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by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 2:29 AM
Are you doing the Disney Cruise too? You should look into doing that after Disney World if you're not already. Amazing!!
Oh, and I think you should take your step son btw(; We're going to Disney World next year too is the plan. We're taking my SDs.
by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 2:30 AM
Is your husband fine with not taking his other children? I think that's what it depends on.

My SKs live far away also. We have taken a Disney World vacation without my SKs but SKs have gone to Disney with my MIL without us and their younger siblings also. When we visit them, we usually don't take our children with us because the ride is very long so we've taken them to Six Flags without their little brothers several times.
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 2:31 AM
I'm a BM, I'm not a SM, my boys have a SM.

It would really depend on the relationship DH has with his kids. My boys wouldn't care if BF and SM took their girls on vacation without them. They really wouldn't. Some kids would be deviated.

I don't think there should be any expectation fit adult children to be taken along on a trip like that but the teen/preteen could. As adults they may be invited, at their own expense, unless the parent can afford to pay for all, and perhaps a partner/spouse too.

Why do you want to not take his other child along? What does your DH think about it? His feelings should outweigh whatever anyone on here things.
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 4:27 AM
I couldn't imagine going on a family vacation and leaving a member of our family behind.

Would you be OK with your husband going to Disneyworld just him and his other child and leaving you and your kids together at home?
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 7:04 AM
When kids have two families, there are some things they get twice as much of - Christmas presents, birthday presents, and, yes, vacations.

When my SD was LD, our vacations were a combination of all of us and just those that lived in this state. We would coordinate one vacation for her summer visit and another might be at a random time. My DH's work schedule allows for for spontaneous trips away - that doesn't always work with LD visitation.

You need to look at what your visitation looks like. Can you get your stepchild for that period of time, does visitation allow for vacations put of your home state, does DH even want it? As for the adult children, I don't think they are a factor unless you have the financial means to bring them.
by Ruby Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 7:09 AM
I don't think in a long distance situation it would be expected that the stepkids are included in every family activity in the non-custodial household.

I think NCPs eventually get used to not having their non-custodial child around all the time and life goes on in their own homes with their full-time family.
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by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 8:24 AM
I wouldn't want to go without my SD and neither would her dad. Does he not have summer vacation that you could plan this vacation to Disney around? How does DH feel about it?
by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 1:39 PM

 Itis very situational.

We took a family vacation in June. DH, both skids and DS. 

Sunday SD leaves to go with her Gma for a week vacation. Gma is DH's mother and she only does a week every summer with SD. It used to bother me but DH and MIL set the precedence for this so... 

In August I am taking DS and my Mom and going away for a week. My skids will stay home with DH or go to their Moms.

If the skids are adults and not living at home it is nice but IMO not required to invite them. ESP if the have a spouse and kids!

If skids is long distance... well IMO that is different than a skids that comes routinely.

In some cases I think its okay to not take that kid esp is that long distance skid would not normally be with the NCP during that time. I think its okay but not ideal.  If that child can come I really really think it would be better if they were included in the family vacation.

Do the other 3 kids consider this skid family? I know the NCP does- does NCstepparent consider this skids family?

Another thing to consider is this skid is a preteen- will the whole family be together on ride and how young are the 3 kiddos? I mean a 13 yr old may not want to ride poohs great adventure and spend all day in kiddie land. So there is that to consider as well. I mean I would be very uphappy if my DH and the preteen were gone all day riding big rides and I was stuck in kiddie land trying to wranger 3 little ones.

Ugh! I guess I am no help. I am all scattered.

by Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 1:47 PM

We take vacations without SK's all the time.  They do not want to go so we don't push it.  Ask your DH how he feels about it.  Then ask your step child.  Go from there.

by Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:04 PM
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 Your sks have a life outside your home and you have a life outside of your sks. We do not wait for my DHs son to be here to do fun, family things. If he's here, he goes. If not, he doesn't. Our lives aren't put on hold for him, nor is his put on hold for us.

chopped headTeam Zombie! (former sn elrikandisis)

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