DH and I have primary custody of SS, and we also have a 9 month-old son. We've been married for almost 2 years now, and get along well about most everything. However, there is a big point of contention that is becoming an issue. DH stays in SS's bedroom until he falls asleep every night. I think this may be detrimental to SS's development and independence. (But I don't push because it is a fine line we walk as SM's, and I don't want to step on toes or hurt feelings). HOWEVER, as a result of this indulgent behavior, whenever SS wakes in the middle of the night, he comes to our bedroom door, knocks and calls for his dad, and my DH immediately gets out of bed and goes to lie on the floor of SS's bedroom until he falls asleep again. This is practically a NIGHTLY routine. I am one of those people that needs sleep to be of any use to anybody, so I finally spoke to DH about my concerns. DH did not take it very well. He got very defensive and scoffed when I said it was a serious issue (which of course ticked me off because I felt he was dismissing my feelings). He said he did not think it was a big deal. I asked him when does it stop and if he was planning on doing this forever if SS keeps coming to the door and waking us in the middle of the night. He said yes.
I am torn. I understand that he feels protective of SS and guilty because of divorce (4 years ago), but is this healthy behavior for an 8-yr-old? I asked my SS straight out why he comes and knocks on the door in the night, and he told me "because I wake up and I can't go back to sleep without Dad in the room." Should I set aside my desire for a full night's sleep? Am I being selfish? I really don't know what to do, and am beyond frustrated.