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Massively huge development!!!!!

Posted by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 6:36 PM
  • 25 Replies
Bm agreed that her midweek visitation (Wednesday night and Thursday night) doesn't make much sense anymore. Mainly because Ss Is starting kindergarten in 3 weeks and mom lives 30 minutes from the school.

Soooo, we are working on rewriting the CO. Anything you ladies can think of that we should put in place now that he's school aged? The current co is pretty laid back because he was just going to preschool and it wasn't super important that schoolwork got turned in and all.
by on Jul. 18, 2014 at 6:36 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 7:11 PM
I'd add in something about SS having his own bed/NOT sleeping with BM and her "friends" (i know that was previously an issue)
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 7:14 PM

I don't remember your story/situation so ignore if this won't work given your circumstances.

What about adding that during the summer she can go back to the mid-week visits (no school) but during the school year they're out?  Or, is more time being allotted to make up for the missed mid-week visits?  (when XH moved, too far to do school night overnights, we extended his time on the weekend return.  It wasn't even but much of the previous nights visit was spent sleeping anyway so the 'waking hours' was nearly the same).  We never went to court over it, we simply agree to a 'trial' run of it, for 3 months, to see how everyone adjusted, and 5+ years later, we're still doing it (when the boys go that is). 

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 7:26 PM
1 mom liked this
I can't think of anything but omitting the week day over nights is good. I struggled with this for years through out elementary. The battle back and forth really ruined a good experience of kinder-5th grade. I'm so glad we are past that and no longer have week night over nights. Getting rid of that really helped alleviate the rest of the issues. The battle over clothes, baths, being prepared for school, being tardy to school, not doing homework, not having supplies. Ugh I'm so glad we are over that.
I'm getting the creeps just thinking about all of the headaches I've had over school night visits.

Something that worked for us since we were so high conflict was having dad pick up at the school and return to school. Instead of coming to my home. Not sure if that works or if it matters. But then we had the drama of him trying to get an early release when school wasn't let out at a convienient time for him. So that had to be changed also. Dad cannot pick up from school without written permission. Not sure how much of an issue this is for you but trust me - school tends to bring out the bat shit crazy in some parents. They get all sanctimonious and want to assert their golden DNA plaque.

Maybe even discuss ECs who will pay. Who has rights to sign up. How many can be attended during a period of time.
Make sure that she is required to take him to all of his school functions that may fall on her weekend or day. I cannot tell you the amount of 'normal' kid stuff my dd missed in elementary school because her dad pulled the 'my weekend my choice' card. That's been changed now too.

Really try to think as far in to the future as possible.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 7:29 PM
1 mom liked this
Adding: he's still little but eventually he's going to be old enough for cub scouts and soccer and maybe even running club at school. Then there is band in middle school and robotics club. Just remember that today he is little and doesn't require much but he will grow and life gets extremely busy about age 12.
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MBanks524
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 8:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Maybe have mom pick child up on Friday after school and bringing back later on Sunday. Resuming mid week during summer. Adding time to summer or to winter break. Definitely own bed.
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 8:45 PM
Supposedly she's getting married again.... Idk if it's true, but stepson came home talking about mom getting married to her current boyfriend under a tree or something. But she had two boyfriends until the other one went to jail in like march.... So who knows?! Lol

Quoting Tinkerbellmama: I'd add in something about SS having his own bed/NOT sleeping with BM and her "friends" (i know that was previously an issue)
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 8:50 PM
We thought about that. If she would go back to her normal visitation over the summer, I think we should request that ss have a bed to sleep in... Would that be something possible?

Quoting jules2boys:

I don't remember your story/situation so ignore if this won't work given your circumstances.

What about adding that during the summer she can go back to the mid-week visits (no school) but during the school year they're out?  Or, is more time being allotted to make up for the missed mid-week visits?  (when XH moved, too far to do school night overnights, we extended his time on the weekend return.  It wasn't even but much of the previous nights visit was spent sleeping anyway so the 'waking hours' was nearly the same).  We never went to court over it, we simply agree to a 'trial' run of it, for 3 months, to see how everyone adjusted, and 5+ years later, we're still doing it (when the boys go that is). 

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 8:54 PM
I don't know how you stayed same with your crazy ex! Seriously!!

I think we've thought ahead on ec's. Right now, either parent can sign him up, but that parent has to pay for it. Both parents are required to make sure that ss makes it to the activities.

Idk how we'll do Wednesday evening, but she's going to get a few hours. Until 7 I think? I figured she would pick him up at school, but idk if that will be an issue with her not showing up! That's my biggest worry.


Quoting momof2ex1: I can't think of anything but omitting the week day over nights is good. I struggled with this for years through out elementary. The battle back and forth really ruined a good experience of kinder-5th grade. I'm so glad we are past that and no longer have week night over nights. Getting rid of that really helped alleviate the rest of the issues. The battle over clothes, baths, being prepared for school, being tardy to school, not doing homework, not having supplies. Ugh I'm so glad we are over that. I'm getting the creeps just thinking about all of the headaches I've had over school night visits. Something that worked for us since we were so high conflict was having dad pick up at the school and return to school. Instead of coming to my home. Not sure if that works or if it matters. But then we had the drama of him trying to get an early release when school wasn't let out at a convienient time for him. So that had to be changed also. Dad cannot pick up from school without written permission. Not sure how much of an issue this is for you but trust me - school tends to bring out the bat shit crazy in some parents. They get all sanctimonious and want to assert their golden DNA plaque. Maybe even discuss ECs who will pay. Who has rights to sign up. How many can be attended during a period of time. Make sure that she is required to take him to all of his school functions that may fall on her weekend or day. I cannot tell you the amount of 'normal' kid stuff my dd missed in elementary school because her dad pulled the 'my weekend my choice' card. That's been changed now too. Really try to think as far in to the future as possible.
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 8:56 PM
Right now, he comes home at noon. But that's because he's going on a 4 day stretch with mom and it takes at least all day Sunday to get back adjusted. Maybe moving it later on Sunday would be helpful. What's a good time?

Bedtime is 8:30 right now, but that may move to 8 if he has trouble being too tired in the morning.


Quoting MBanks524: Maybe have mom pick child up on Friday after school and bringing back later on Sunday. Resuming mid week during summer. Adding time to summer or to winter break. Definitely own bed.
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2014 at 8:58 PM

As far as I know you can 'request' anything you'd like but requesting it doesn't mean a judge will sign off on it.  Some may feel a couch to sleep on or a floor mat is fine, given the limited time he's in her care.  Others may feel that a bed is the 'minimum' required for a visit.  But, I'd definitely request that this is in the papers if it's a concern, or been one before.  If it's been a concern (I think someone else mentioned something about this) that others are sleeping where SS is sleeping, maybe even mention in the papers that no one unrelated (by blood or marriage) can sleep in the same room when SS is there?  Can't hurt, right?  Request 'the moon' and see where you end up.  Maybe have a list (are you going to a mediator first or straight to the court/judge?) of your absolute requirements and a list of those things you're willing to bend on/negotiate with?  Can't hurt.  (FYI, I've not been through this myself, my 'knowledge' comes from others experiences, so take this for what it's worth). 

Quoting dawnnamarie: We thought about that. If she would go back to her normal visitation over the summer, I think we should request that ss have a bed to sleep in... Would that be something possible?
Quoting jules2boys:

I don't remember your story/situation so ignore if this won't work given your circumstances.

What about adding that during the summer she can go back to the mid-week visits (no school) but during the school year they're out?  Or, is more time being allotted to make up for the missed mid-week visits?  (when XH moved, too far to do school night overnights, we extended his time on the weekend return.  It wasn't even but much of the previous nights visit was spent sleeping anyway so the 'waking hours' was nearly the same).  We never went to court over it, we simply agree to a 'trial' run of it, for 3 months, to see how everyone adjusted, and 5+ years later, we're still doing it (when the boys go that is). 


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