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counselor and dss question....

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:19 AM
  • 35 Replies
sd will be seeing her counselor in two weeks and will be her first session.

the last few days child has been expressing a lot of anger and resentment towards bm and made it clear to the counselor during intake appt that child and bms relationship is a negative one. and she would be happier living with dad.

i have this feeling that child is gona end up throwing bm under the bus so to say. meaning she only has megative thongs to say about bm.

if they feel that bms home and relationship with child is bad. and see that there is a lot of emotional abuse,neglect, and parent alienation towards dad ans open a case...would they remove child from home and bring her to dads? would dss be the ones to bring bm to court?
sd has made it clear that she does not want bm involved in her counseling and would be scared to go home to bm if she were to find out that child is seeing a counselor. (ofcourse if a case is opened bm would find out and sd is aware of that)


by on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 12:41 AM
1 mom liked this
Probably not. Is DSS already involved? Or are you expecting that the counselor will make a call to them?

How old is SD?

My dd is in therapy. She has a negative relationship with her dad. The counselor has been told a lot. Things that sound like attempted alienation. Things that you and I would say is mental abuse. Emotional abuse.

The counselors goal is to repair the relationship. Not end it. Not rip it apart.

And quite frankly - a child who says a lot of negative things about their parent usually is noted as being alienated by the other parent. So be careful wishing that one. They could think that dad is alienating her from mom. That's why dad is taking her to counseling to document all of the bad things she says about mom. Not saying that will happen but just remember. Just because sd is saying negative things about mom doesn't mean that's an open and shut case for your household. The counselor is going to want to know if these are SDs thoughts or if they have been placed in her head and by whom.

On another note: DSS isn't going to get called unless there is actual evidence of sexual or physical abuse. Emotional abuse is very difficult to prove and likely won't be a red flag for the counselor. The counselor is going to try to mend that relationship.
BM should be involved so that her and her daughter can work through their issues together with the therapist.

It's ok for sd to be scared that she will be in trouble for what she says. That doesn't mean she is abused or has been threatened. That means that she knows what she is saying is not nice and could hurt her mothers feelings and upset her mother.

The thing with girls - and hopefully your therapist can explain this is that their relationships with their mothers can be strained. I personally don't deal with this issue but I did as a young teen. Girls and moms can be the most explosive relationship ever. That is normal. Not abuse. Your sd may want to live with you guys because she is butting heads with mom right now. A good therapist will get to the bottom of their communication problems. I doubt very seriously that DSS will swoop in and take SD away from her mom.
They probably won't ever be called unless they are already involved.

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6isus
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:05 AM
The counselors will have a lot of therapy time before they can determine if the feelings towards BM are real or imaginary. They will also make sure that her feelings towards BM are not implanted from other sources. Be prepared for that.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 1:12 AM
Momof2 said it all. We're in the exact same situation with SD. The counselor wont involve CPS unless there is a physical danger. CPS wont investigate unless BM hurts SD physically.

Emotional abuse is REALLY hard to prove. There are no marks, no scars, etc.
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:17 AM
Is cps or dss already involved? Is that why she's going to counseling?
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:25 AM

Honestly if there is any parental alienation going on, it sounds like mom is the one being alienated, based on this information. How old is SD?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 8:26 AM

This should be everyone's goal.

Quoting momof2ex1: The counselors goal is to repair the relationship. Not end it. Not rip it apart.
MBanks524
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:11 AM
Counselors are mandatory reporters like I am as a teacher. They react first by calling DSS even when it's not needed. I think it's good she is in counseling. I think mom should be involved in the counseling. I don't think any alienation should go on from either side. The counselor will work on repairing relationships. Depends on the type of emotional abuse is going on. The counselor a generally will listen to child and take them seriously. It could go either way, for you, or against you, depending on what is uncovered.
kpnthefaith
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:24 AM
sd is 13

Quoting whatIknownow:

Honestly if there is any parental alienation going on, it sounds like mom is the one being alienated, based on this information. How old is SD?

kpnthefaith
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:29 AM
yes it is hard to prove. but when sd was 7 she told her counselor she wanted to run away from her moms and a case was then opened.
i dont know of what happend with that as dad was not informed of case being opened.we were told by sd that bm was told what she said in counseling.
and now being older sd has a lot more to say


Quoting Tinkerbellmama: Momof2 said it all. We're in the exact same situation with SD. The counselor wont involve CPS unless there is a physical danger. CPS wont investigate unless BM hurts SD physically.

Emotional abuse is REALLY hard to prove. There are no marks, no scars, etc.
WickedPissah
by Cup Cakes on Jul. 19, 2014 at 9:32 AM
DSS ultimate goal is to reunite and keep families together if at all possible.

If dss thought SD was in immediate danger they would have removed the child already.

Dss won't bring Bm to court because there is no open case, even if there was it would be awhile before they removed the child, and removing the child is the last resort.

So if you're looking for a slam dunk custody change its not going to happen.
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